My sister who was my mom's (89) caregiver passed away suddenly last week. She lived with my mom. My mom can hardly see, hear or walk, her memory is also failing. She depends on someone to take her anywhere. She can't live with us because she cannot go up and down stairs. I live an hour away. My (44) year old Nephew who has been living there and would have been kicked out many years ago if not for my sister (his mother) was taking advantage of his mom. Stole money from her, she was his enabler. He doesn't work depends on SS disability because of a foot injury, doesn't have a valid driver's license, former drug addict although I suspect he still does drugs. In my mom's "eyes" he is a saint and does anything she asks. Him and I have had some blowup arguments because he feels he is entitled and refers to my mom's house and property as his. I am legally my mom's POA. His sisters have disowned him. I need to get my mom away from there and sell her home and property before he tries something. Can I get her Primary Care doctor to sign something that says she is not capable of making rational decisions?
Your PoA is not active unless you can prove she has cognitive impairment or she's allowing you to make the decisions on her behalf (if she is not mentally impaired). Make sure all your mom's financial info is locked down tight asap so that the nephew can't access it and your mom can't withdraw money or write checks to him. If she's giving him anything this can delay or disqualify her from ever receiving Medicaid, and this may be a very bad thing even if you think she doesn't need it right now.
This arrangement your mom is in is a very common problem. You can consider actually hiring him formally with a written caregiving contract. But then this makes your mom/herPoA an employer so you must follow the employment laws of your state. You will of course need to be on top of your nephew to make sure he's working out to your standards. But if he's not trustworthy and you're just done with him...
Go to your mom's county govt center and file an eviction notice for the nephew. You can't just kick him out legally since this has been his only residence, especially if he is receiving mail or bills with his name and that address on it. You pay the eviction form fee to file then post the notice at the home where he can see it (or whatever the eviction process is for that county). Make sure to take pics of this so he can't deny it was posted. This gives him 30 days to get out and then he can be legally physically removed if he refuses.
If I were you I'd plan an extended visit at her home. Show up unannounced so that the nephew can't prepare. If at all possible, get both of them out of the house on some ruse so that you can search for and remove any sensitive financial info, like her checkbooks, passport, SS card, insurance, investments, titles, etc. Take pictures of the contents of her house. Spend some time with her. Depending on her cognitive condition it may not be valuable to argue with her about moving. If she can barely walk and can't see I'm not sure she will be recommended for AL...but that's up to the facility. Please consider a place for her that is both reputable and convenient to you. Anything less will just add to the caregiving challenge. Wishing you success in dealing with the nephew and advocating for your mom!
She would have to have testing done to determine if she is cognizant. (does not have to be full blown exam the doctor can determine this in the office. If other testing has been done that also confirms, great.
But she is not living alone if he is there.
If you are POA the first thing you do is get him out of the house.
The other thing..how bad is her failing memory?
In AL she can leave with someone, or go out on her own.
In Memory Care she can not leave unless she is with someone that you have stated can take her out.
Do know that the POA, if your mother is not so demented that she is unable to know what she is doing, can be changed by your mother at any time if she doesn't have dementia. She could, in fact, appoint this nephew.
So it comes down to this questions solely as to what you can do. What you can do also comes down to what is written in the POA. The POA my bro and I created with his Lawyer, when he was diagnosed with probable early Lewy's dementia, was so strong in giving me powers that the attorney said "Be certain that you know that all of this, all of these powers, are what you wish to confer on your Sister, along with being Trustee of your trust, because signing these documents means quite literally your sister can sell the gold out of your teeth."
You speak of selling her home and property. Is your intention then to place your mother in care?
Does your mother have a will? Is he the designated beneficiary in the will? If your mother has dementia, then any will cannot now be changed.
So many questions here. First, what does your mother want? Second, is she capable of making her own decisions. You say that in your mother's eyes this man who lives with her is a "Saint". Is he cooking for her, cleaning for her, doing other things for her? Is he paid to do these things.
Just some things to think about. Hope you will update us as you move along.
If your mother’s physician is a reputable professional he may choose not to “sign something g” but to arrange for a fair assessment of her cognitive abilities, done if possible) by someone trained in the evaluation of geriatric clients.
Contact her physician without delay. There are differences between “legal” competence and the assessment done by someone who knows how to ascertain actual level of functioning, but in my experience, NOTHING is more useful than a statement by a psychiatrist, neurologist, or other degrees professional with credentials in geriatric assessment. As just one example, if you wind up needing to become her designated payee for Social Security purposes, a well written psychiatric can be accepted ; social security does NOT accept POAs.
My LO was duped by someone whose devoted claims proved to be FAR DIFFERENT from what was being practiced. Her assessment provided me with grounds to take protective actions on her behalf.
You may wind up having to go to court because of his ludicrous claims, but having Mom’s cognitive assessment in hand, combined with is dubious history, should give you a useful step up.
GOOD LUCK In insuring her safety, peace and comfort.
Dad had a stroke which was the crisis that necessitated change. What I did to get brother OUT was to file an APS report for financial abuse and start the eviction process. I was lucky in that these two jolts resulted in brother leaving on his own. He also left an incredible mess for me to clean up, but that’s another story. Brother is unlikely to put forth any effort to come after me, thankfully. Lots of talk, no action. Maybe start with those two things. It won’t cost much and is pretty swift.
One very important caveat is that my father was willing to back me up in my actions. It doesn’t sound like this is the case for you. I’m so sorry as you must be incredibly frustrated watching this play out. Please keep us updated.
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