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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Some elders get so self-absorbed and the focus is on themselves. I would not take her to the casino every day, she sounds like she has an addiction problem. Perhaps the Senior Center might be a good place to start, and there are some Adult Day Care programs that are good, some places pick you up at home. Set limits with your mom and go enjoy your life. Explain to your mother you need time to yourself and be firm with her. She needs to meet you halfway. Wishing you the best.
When I first started dating the man who later became my husband, my mother said, "Awwww... I thought it was going to be just you and me here!" (She had moved in with me about six months before I started dating after my divorce.) Apparently she thought that she and I were going to be best friends and grow old (and bitter) together.
At that time, she could still do a great many things for herself, but her disability prevented her from safely living alone. She and my father had had a rather tempestuous marriage, which ended when he died at the age of 48 (she was 46 when he died). She only went out on one date about a year after she was widowed, and never dated again, saying she was through with men, period. I guess she thought that I was going to be the same way. In time, she accepted the fact that I was determined to start a new life - she had no other choice, really, as I told her that despite the unhappiness of my marriage, I still had hope that I could find a compatible mate (and I did!), regardless of whether she was living with me or not.
If your mom, at age 92, is capable of going to a casino almost every day, she's capable of spending a few days or evenings at home by herself, while you try to cultivate a happy life. As NeedHelpWithMom stated, you have to stand your ground. I don't know how difficult that will be at this point, so you may have to do this gradually. It's hard to wean someone off of their expectations, especially if they're ingrained due to your acquiescence to their demands. Good luck.
Golfgirl, what are you afraid of? That she will spank you?
Do you have a job or even a profession? Does she pay your way or do you pay your own expenses? Do you live in her house? Do you ever go out by yourself or is your main source of entertainment going to the casino with her?
What is your plan for freedom? Is your mother capable of caring for herself? If she refuses to do so or to agree to help other than your’s, are you prepared to wash your hands of this and go out on your own?
What sort of freedom you will be able to obtain and enjoy depends on what you are willing to do. If you continue to cave to her jealousy and demands, you will enjoy no freedom. If you stand up for yourself and make good on your plans, you will get what you want.
Let me just say from a person who has been in your shoes. Time is going by! Years will go by! Stop wasting any more time because you can never get it back.
Not trying to be harsh. Just don’t want you to end up where I was. I regret it.
You will have to make your own life, then. Really, you are responsible to make your choices. That is in no way to say they will be easy ones. Make them with as much kindness as you are able, but you are responsible to make yourself a good life. I don't know the current situation; you don't say. I don't know if your Mom is currently living with you. If not, it should be relatively easy to explain your needs for time on your own. If she is living with you, you may need to have the hard conversation about placement. So sorry you're going through this.
I noticed you filed your question under Burnout. Do you have POA? If not, you need it. In my opinion it is a bad idea for anyone to take on the responsibility of caregiving for someone without having the authority.
If your mother has enough money to gamble then she has enough money to pay for a taxicab (or Uber) to get here there and back. If she has a gambling problem, then she may be setting herself up for financial ruin, expecting you to bail her out including coming to live with you. Won't that be nice? (Your sarcasm detector should be going up right about now LOL.)
We are on the cusp of a New Year, which is a good time to make some changes. Be less available to your mother and more available to golf. Consider planning a golf vacation. Most avid golfers I know have at least a few courses they want to play on their bucket lists. A dear friend of mine wanted to see Scotland and her husband, an avid golfer, was excited to get to play a few courses there. It was a dream vacation for both them.
I found a website for you called golfthere.com. They offer golf vacation packages for singles including in Scotland, Ireland and Mexico. Wow!!!
The New Year is also a great excuse for you to sit down with your mother about her finances and budget. If things are in order, great. But if they aren't, then you have a much bigger problem on your hands than her being jealous of you.
Give her a countdown so she can start to mentally prepare for your departure. You will have your life back to do what you love, which is golf. She will have all the time in the world then to gamble but she will need a new driver because you will be retired from that position.
Get out of that horrible situation you are in. Let her gamble everyday WITHOUT YOU!!! Have her take a cab. My mother is 95 years old and a gambling addict. She spent EVERY LAST CENT of her savings at the casino!!! She spent all of my father’s hard earned money being a VP at a bank. She LITERALLY spent HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of DOLLARS!! She’s piss poor now. If you saw her you would think she is homeless. The only thing she has is her house and all of her hoarding stuff!! Get out of that house and let her do whatever she wants as far as gambling. My father tried to stop her. He took her name off bank accounts and credit cards, but when he was dying of cancer he put everything back in her name. It’s one of the hardest things he had to do outside of enduring the cancer. This was way back in 1998. Please, I am begging you get on with your life before your MOTHER destroys YOU!!!!!!
The Hollywood Casino looks great! Their promo pictures are full of multicultural groups of beautiful young people having a wonderful time! Is it not like that really, then? - I'm so disappointed.
Your mother's 92, so if it isn't a rude question how old are you? And how long have you been your mother's mainstay when it comes to social life and activities? Has she never had her own circle of friends and companions, or any interests beyond going to the casino and dining out?
Your post gives the impression that there is a particular person you would like to spend more time with, and your mother resents it. If you would like to say a little more about what has happened, and what changes you would like to begin to make, perhaps we can suggest baby steps that could work.
We're all focusing on gambling addiction - which may be a huge problem here, indeed.
Or maybe not. Some folks (like me) love casinos for the pretty lights and happy sounds and free (not necessarily alcoholic, and tipping's a good idea) drinks. And the food. Buffets rule! Plus, they've got areas that allow smoking/vaping.
Actual gambling? With more than a roll of quarters? No, thanks! (Also ... nearly every day? Or even every other month? NOPE.)
Whether or not there's a gambling addiction, the big problem here is that Golfgirl needs to live her own life. I would not take anyone anywhere for entertainment - and stay there with them - on a near-daily basis, unless it was fun for me, too.
Lyft/Uber may provide transport. Many casinos have free shuttle buses; Lyft/Uber may be able to take her to the shuttle stops. Is there senior public transit available?
Residential facilities (hint, hint) may also offer regular field trips to casinos.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is it possible for you to look into placing her in a facility so you can resume your life?
Your profile says that she wants you to take her to the casino almost daily? That’s more than recreational gambling.
Do you think she is bored and using gambling as an escape? Can she go to a senior community center or adult day care?
You need to set boundaries. Be prepared for backlash. Stand your ground and be strong.
Best wishes to you.
At that time, she could still do a great many things for herself, but her disability prevented her from safely living alone. She and my father had had a rather tempestuous marriage, which ended when he died at the age of 48 (she was 46 when he died). She only went out on one date about a year after she was widowed, and never dated again, saying she was through with men, period. I guess she thought that I was going to be the same way. In time, she accepted the fact that I was determined to start a new life - she had no other choice, really, as I told her that despite the unhappiness of my marriage, I still had hope that I could find a compatible mate (and I did!), regardless of whether she was living with me or not.
If your mom, at age 92, is capable of going to a casino almost every day, she's capable of spending a few days or evenings at home by herself, while you try to cultivate a happy life. As NeedHelpWithMom stated, you have to stand your ground. I don't know how difficult that will be at this point, so you may have to do this gradually. It's hard to wean someone off of their expectations, especially if they're ingrained due to your acquiescence to their demands. Good luck.
Do you have a job or even a profession? Does she pay your way or do you pay your own expenses? Do you live in her house? Do you ever go out by yourself or is your main source of entertainment going to the casino with her?
What is your plan for freedom? Is your mother capable of caring for herself? If she refuses to do so or to agree to help other than your’s, are you prepared to wash your hands of this and go out on your own?
What sort of freedom you will be able to obtain and enjoy depends on what you are willing to do. If you continue to cave to her jealousy and demands, you will enjoy no freedom. If you stand up for yourself and make good on your plans, you will get what you want.
You are living in a prison with invisible bars, only you hold the key to be released.
If you don't have a job, get one, plan for your future, get yourself on tract.
As it stands right now you will have no viable future.
Let me just say from a person who has been in your shoes. Time is going by! Years will go by! Stop wasting any more time because you can never get it back.
Not trying to be harsh. Just don’t want you to end up where I was. I regret it.
If your mother has enough money to gamble then she has enough money to pay for a taxicab (or Uber) to get here there and back. If she has a gambling problem, then she may be setting herself up for financial ruin, expecting you to bail her out including coming to live with you. Won't that be nice? (Your sarcasm detector should be going up right about now LOL.)
We are on the cusp of a New Year, which is a good time to make some changes. Be less available to your mother and more available to golf. Consider planning a golf vacation. Most avid golfers I know have at least a few courses they want to play on their bucket lists. A dear friend of mine wanted to see Scotland and her husband, an avid golfer, was excited to get to play a few courses there. It was a dream vacation for both them.
I found a website for you called golfthere.com. They offer golf vacation packages for singles including in Scotland, Ireland and Mexico. Wow!!!
The New Year is also a great excuse for you to sit down with your mother about her finances and budget. If things are in order, great. But if they aren't, then you have a much bigger problem on your hands than her being jealous of you.
Give her a countdown so she can start to mentally prepare for your departure. You will have your life back to do what you love, which is golf. She will have all the time in the world then to gamble but she will need a new driver because you will be retired from that position.
Your mother's 92, so if it isn't a rude question how old are you? And how long have you been your mother's mainstay when it comes to social life and activities? Has she never had her own circle of friends and companions, or any interests beyond going to the casino and dining out?
Your post gives the impression that there is a particular person you would like to spend more time with, and your mother resents it. If you would like to say a little more about what has happened, and what changes you would like to begin to make, perhaps we can suggest baby steps that could work.
Or maybe not. Some folks (like me) love casinos for the pretty lights and happy sounds and free (not necessarily alcoholic, and tipping's a good idea) drinks. And the food. Buffets rule! Plus, they've got areas that allow smoking/vaping.
Actual gambling? With more than a roll of quarters? No, thanks! (Also ... nearly every day? Or even every other month? NOPE.)
Whether or not there's a gambling addiction, the big problem here is that Golfgirl needs to live her own life. I would not take anyone anywhere for entertainment - and stay there with them - on a near-daily basis, unless it was fun for me, too.
Lyft/Uber may provide transport. Many casinos have free shuttle buses; Lyft/Uber may be able to take her to the shuttle stops. Is there senior public transit available?
Residential facilities (hint, hint) may also offer regular field trips to casinos.