I am a senior in high school (18 years old) who has been raised by my grandparents in the absence of my actual parents since I was 11 years old.
Now that my grandmother has a broken hip, it has become increasingly harder to take care of her at home and I have been struggling. She has already been through surgery for it and is recovering but now has to use a walker and has trouble getting through the house. She is exhibiting many symptoms of dementia as well. It has become very difficult - I have to do things like clean her diarrhea if she doesn't make it to the toilet, etc.
She is very demanding and controlling as well. Her dementia gets me in trouble for things I don't do. She will do something bad then blame me for it and insist it was me.. and I have to just take her screaming at me and talking down to me, and punishing me for it. It makes me cry a lot. I already deal with post traumatic stress disorder (not from this, but from something that's the reason for me being taken away from my parents and put into my grandparents' care) and I am very emotionally fragile. I used to try to tell her the truth and that I didn't do anything wrong but with her sense of reality being warped, I figured it would be better just to take the yelling. I'm trying to do college applications but I have no time for myself and I'm always on edge at home, terrified of being yelled at. I am also sensitive to noise and her walker making a lot of noise is difficult for me.
I see a therapist, but I'm still having a really hard time handling this and would appreciate any advice.
You're 18 years old. You owe your grandparents gratitude and love, but you don't owe them your future. It was to protect that that they gave you so much care, remember? Sit tight, there will be lots more advice along shortly.
I would classify this as abuse. I never told this story before on the forum.
I adored my grandmother, very, very much but like all parents she made some mistakes too.
Overall, she was an exceptional mother to my mom and a wonderful grandmother to me.
When my mom was 14, my grandmother sent her to care for my grandpa’s sister who was dying with cancer. it was devastating for my mom to have to do that.
Well, as a teenager I used to volunteer at Children’s hospital.
I would come home crying, but I still loved going.
I would bake cupcakes for them.
I shot hoops with the kids. I hung out with kids of all ages, toddlers to teens.
This was on the weekends. I became friendly with one of the nurses when she thanked my friends and I for volunteering at the hospital.
I asked this nurse if I could volunteer over the summer because I fell in love with some of the kids. She said that they would love for me to volunteer.
I asked my mom if I could. She told me no. I was upset. I asked her why. She said because I cried when I got home. I explained that I still wanted to go because some of them had no visitors and even though it was sad I still enjoyed being with them.
I couldn’t change her mind so I let it go.
So, then I asked if I could be a candy striper in the hospital. Again, she said no. I asked her why. She said that she didn’t want me emptying bed pans. She was so afraid that I would have to repeat what she had done, taking care of her aunt until she died. It was an awful experience for her. I didn’t know what to think when she told me that she had cared for her aunt when she was dying.
I told her candy stripers did not empty bed pans but she never wanted me to be around a hospital.
Isn’t it ironic that I took care of mom for so many years?
I don’t think any young person should be caring for anyone in very bad health. It’s hard enough for adults.
Plus, in some cases it changes the dynamics of the relationship drastically. Once that happens, it’s hard to find a healthy balance again.
Speak to any trusted adult about your situation. Someone will point you in the right direction.
We care and would love for you to keep us posted.
Hoping that you will have a bright future with everything you have always dreamed of. You deserve it!
You've gotten some good advice here from the others; I just wanted to add in my comment about dealing with the noise issue.
Wishing you good luck and Godspeed as you try to navigate a VERY difficult situation you shouldn't have to be dealing with in the first place. Sending you a hug and a prayer
They are open 24 hours a day.
Tulane has a “Drop In Center”, Mary Elizabeth Wilkes head up their counseling program. It is similar to Covenant House in that it’s for kids in crisis and like Covenant is oriented to kids that are at risk as homeless &/or transient. They both provide a place for you to stay 24/7 rather than be on the street. Covenant House gets a lot of the Quarter gutter punks while Tulane gets more kids from neighborhoods/ wards. (Old boyfriend has a home on 1000 blk in the FQ by N Rampart, we’d get to experience the CH kids on a regular basis, was overwhelmingly homeless sketchy street flowers / hustlers). Homeless doesn’t sound like that is your situation, so maybe JFS may be a better fit.
So your dealing with the applications and FAFSA all on your own? Omg that’s amazing! Your a warrior! Are you applying for any that do “the Common”? If not, perhaps consider applying to ones in that system as a lot have suspended fees for next years admissions and they have lots of smaller schools that still have scholarship $. Good luck to you & I hope you start getting lots of big fat envelopes.
Great suggestion igloo!
She definitely needs help for grandma.
If the granddaughter needs housing, do you think that she would qualify for our Unity program? Another wonderful resource for New Orleans residents.
I’m not sure of the stipulations for Unity.
I am not sure what the cut off age is for Covenant House. Is is 18 or 21?
I know Children’s sees kids until they are 21. The services are terrific. A friend’s son continued to see them for his diabetes until 21. I know someone else that continued to see the neurologist there for his autism until 21.
If Children’s has it so that they can provide services till age out at 21, that’s where I’d suggest Sunnydaze starts. Like you, my experience with CH has been amazing, it’s a great facility, plus it’s always nice to leave there and be in Audubon or at the Fly in minutes!
This is a lot for anyone to handle. My son is also a senior in high school and I understand the pressure. I don’t have any answers, but I am placing your name in my prayer journal for daily prayer. My heart breaks for you. My eyes are full of tears as I type this post. As someone posted, please reach out to a trusted adult to help you navigate all of this.
Warmly,
Sunnydayze