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My elderly mother gave me 10K as gift about two years ago. Mom stated "I've never given you anything. Not even a wedding gift. You did so much for me" " I used at least 6K helping my 16-year-old nephew attend summer school in Europe (of note, my nephew comes from a broken home. A single parent household.) Nephew's father is always " in between jobs." When another sibling found out about the generous gift my mother gave me, she was very upset. She accused me of manipulating my mother for the money (which is far from the case. My husband and I do very well financially) I am very happily married. My husband and I do not have any children, so therefore, we help my single parent sister with school expenses for her two children, vacations, and clothes etc... Once again, the same sister who stated I manipulated my mother, became upset with me for " always " helping me single parents’ sister. All my siblings are doing very well except for the single parent mentioned above. My sister and I were always very close (sister that was unhappy I was given the $ gift. Oh, the other 4K I have put away for the kids). My sister feels I enable the single parent sister. I told her I help those in need. We now have huge wedge in our relationship.


Was I wrong to help by sibling who had/has the need? How do I repair my relationship with the unhappy sibling?


Thank you.

That’s a tough one . Your sister sees it from her point of view . Money is often the great divider in families, especially if they believe one sibling is being enabled financially.

Not sure how to repair that but if you do , I suggest no longer sharing with anyone how you help your single parent sister . It’s really none of anyone else’s business what you do with your money .
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jassysodhi Sep 14, 2024
Thank you for your response. Much appreciated.
J
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Thank you for your response. Much appreciated.

J
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What your mother does with her funds is of no business of anyone except to the person she is giving funds to.
The recipient of any gift (monetary or otherwise) should not mention any gift to anyone. (so no telling anyone that you got mom's cookie jar)
The concern I would have is if mom is gifting money will at some point she need care and not have the finds. And if that is the case will those that received cash funds be able to repay the funds so that she can afford to pay for the care she needs?
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waytomisery Sep 14, 2024
Very good point about the mother gifting money she may need for care , and the Medicaid look back period too .
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This like way said is a hard question.

My advice may not work for you under these circumstances,

But I'm going to tell you what I would like from my siblings if they ever want a relationship with me again.

Id want them to listen to me and validate the fact that I haven't always been treated right. That I'm the scape goat in the family. And more importantly respect the things that I do do. Talk to me like a friend

This sounds like a different situation here, but maybe all sibling rivalry issues are based on the similarities.

Best of luck to you
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Maybe you won’t want to repair those rifts for a long time, if ever. Take your time and see what develops. After a lifetime of giving second chances to people who went and did the same thing over again, I’m at the place where when somebody shows me who they are, I believe them the first time. I don’t miss the drama at all!
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You aren't responsible for the happiness or unhappiness of your sibling. It's too bad really that she is meddling in her mother's business in that manner or that these private concerns were shared with her, but that's it. I am not certain why this concerns you so much? I would simply say "Mom chose to gift me 10K. I gratefully accepted it. I really can't control your feelings regarding it, but if we are to stay in contact I must tell you to keep those feelings to yourself."

You don't owe explanations, as I said.
Should your mother, in her lifetime, require this 10K returned, and given you say you and hubby are doing well, I am certain you would happily return said funds; reassure sister in that regard. Then move on.
You aren't in control of the feelings of others.
I wish you the best.
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jassysodhi Sep 15, 2024
I enjoyed reading your response.

Thank you kindly

J
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Why do you want to? She will never be of the mindset to move forward in a positive light.

Me? I would let sleeping dogs lie.
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It’s difficult when a sibling shows you they are trying to micromanage .

I think I would wait for sis to make the first move . She’s the one having a problem with this . But that’s just me . I am biased due to my experiences .
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I agree with Way. I think your sister should initiate any contact with you, and she owes you an apology. It's not your fault that Mom gave you the money!
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