I'm now the caregiver to my friend for over 50 years...she does a great job of just sitting. She has been told time and again to move, walk but she just sits. Weather is not to her liking, hard to breath ( she has two inhailers ) just about anything she can think of to not walk just to the corner and back.
It's become very difficult to watch my best friend just sit and drift away
I am unclear on this relationship. There's nothing in your profile. Hope you're comfortable with telling us a bit more. Is this simply a friendship, where both of you were living your own lives, had your own apartments or homes, and then your friend fell ill and needed help?
OR
Is this more a partnership, a love relationship in which you have lived together, but now your loved one is ill and in need?
Does your "friend" have other family members who are helping?
Do the two of you live together in your home or the home of your friend?
Sorry to sound like an interrogator, but the answers to those questions make a difference in the answer to "How do I resolve my anger and frustration?"
And what exactly are the "needs" of your friend?
What are his or her limitations? Mobility? Dementia? Lung problems?
Anger is something we do to ourselves-- because quite honestly it is not our business how anyone else lives his/her life.
Our choice is whether or not to share that life.
Anger won't change your friend. It won't help your friend. It won't encourage your friend. It won't cure your friend. It won't help the quality of your friend's life, or of your own.
Now, if you are a life partner of this friend, then you may feel an obligation to stay the course.
If you are taking on the burden now of cooking, cleaning, working, gardening, walking the dog, paying the bills, then you are overwhelmed and in need of help, in need of decision making about how long you can care for your friend.
And THAT finally is the question.
When we move from being spouse, partner, daughter, son, husband, wife, or friend to being a CAREGIVER we are changed as surely as the one to whom we give care. We are now boss, the limit-setter, reminder, order-giver. We're no longer loving spouse, friend, child but instead changed as surely as your loved one, once vital, is changed.
When one goes to AA/Al-Anon one learns at the doorstep that you have no power over the "other" person.
You have only power of your own choices. And quite honestly, the serenity prayer says it best (you can google that one).
You now have choices to make for yourself. That'll keep you so busy that you will have little time to worry about how busy (or not) your friend is.
And that's a good thing. Because if your friend wishes to sit lifelong now listening to True Crime Podcasts (I am tempted at 81), then there's nothing you can do about that.
My best wishes to you, and happy decision making. Remember, anger eats us up from the inside out. It's no help to your friend and will hurt you, and YOU are my concern.