Brother is mentally retarded, very strong, lives at home and parents won't let him live elsewhere. I am also living at home to try to help parents without causing brother to go to jail as he threatens suicide if jailed. I recently confronted him on another issue and he was taken to a local hospital for a psych evaluation, but he was diagnosed with "stress disorder", not the OCD that keeps him in the bathroom washing constantly. Parents are afraid of him and mother won't call police ever or back up my stepfather or my claims. Any ideas?
Please don't move out just yet. Try to get otuside help for the situation. I know how horrible it can be when family tries to take care of things.... the only answer is OUTSIDE help. There is too much history, too many fights, feelings, resentment, etc. for you four to work it out. Good luck finding the right person/agency to help!
Your poor mother. Having two sons with cognitive/mental/emotional impairments is a huge emotional burden. Having lost one of those sons it is perhaps understandable she is in denial about the other. But that isn't good for her or for him. I hope you can take the steps that need to be taken without losing compassion for her. She is making matters worse, but not intentionally.
Your poor father. One son dead, one son cognitively impaired to the point he is dangerous, and a wife in denial. And it sounds like this has been going on for years.
And poor you! You are the ray of hope in this dismal picture. You can only do your best, and that may not be enough to fully overcome the complicated dysfunction in this picture. But your best can make a difference. Your love can change things. They are all lucky to have you on their sides, even if they don't recognize that.
Protect yourself. You can't help anybody from a hospital bed. But keep up the good fight. Right now it is you or nobody ... but work to change that so that you are coordinating a team of people working to make life better for all involved.
The other is that your brother is a danger to you and your father, and is preventing your father from using the bathroom. This might be considered elder abuse. You could become your father's POA if he would like that. Again, continue to report incidents between your brother and father. Have them explain which types you should report. Individually they may not be significant enough to create protective investigation, but collectively they might.
Where I live the county has an agency for intellectually impaired, I don't remember if there is an age limit, but if there is then the individual with a mental illness also would be managed by a mental illness related department, probably still in the county of residence.
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