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Who are you caring for?
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How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My mother has lived with me and my wife for the past 5 years, with my wife being her primary caregiver. It’s come to a time where my wife is experiencing health issues and we can no longer give her care.
I am going to assume that it's your WIFE who is 61 and that your mom is older. Your profile also says that mom has dementia.
The first thing you need to do is figure out what level of care mom needs. This can be done through a "needs assessment". You can ask her doctor to order one or you can contact your local Area Agency on Aging and ask them to schedule one.
You only want to move mom once.
Are all of her legal documents (will, POA for healthcare and finances) and end of life wishes (POLST, MOLST, living will) in place? Get those done if she is still competent.
Folks with dementia often have lost the ability to think logically. So saying, "mom, we need to get you into a NH/AL/MC place because DW (dear wife) has had a heart attack may not register with her.
In that situation, you utilize a "therapeutic fib". "Mom, we need to go to (destination) to see X who is having a baby". "Mom, DW has to go to the hospital and I need to work, so you're going to stay at X for 2 weeks". Or, "Mom, the plumbing has just blown up and we need to evacuate for 2 weeks; you're going to stay at XYZ facility".
You've done a good job caring for mom; now is the time to care for your wife.
You speak with her clearly, gently and honestly. Do not expect her to take this well. She will mourn and feel grief. YOU will both mourn and feel grief. Tell her how sorry you are that you cannot go on. Tell her you will visit, you will try to find a good place, you will never abandon her but that your limitations have been met now and exceeded and you cannot go on. Again, don't avoid GRIEF, but do not go there where guilt is concerned. Guilt belongs to felons and evil doers, and they never give it a thought. You are human beings, and good human beings at that. I am so sorry for the grief. Allow yourself the tears. Allow them for your Mom.
I had to tell my mother that both she and my father were moving to assisted living. I had run out of gas and was on the verge of losing my family. So I told her in a kind but direct manner that they were moving. My father was in the next room sobbing. It was not an easy thing to do but I would do it again.
Your wife's health issues are the place to start. You look for a facility that offers respite care and/or trial periods. You explain to your mother that it is imperative that your wife takes a month to stabilize her condition, and that plans will be developed from there. N.b. this does not involve any lying, which you must avoid because you cannot be sure that deception or falsehood will not be detected and destroy your mother's confidence in you.
The move to the facility then takes place, and you see how she does. If she takes to it, well and good. If not, then you will still be free to consider all of the available options. It sounds as though returning to your and your wife's home won't be one of them, or at least won't be a sensible one, but there may still be plenty to choose from. Have you had any opportunity to research what's available within reasonable visiting distance?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am going to assume that it's your WIFE who is 61 and that your mom is older. Your profile also says that mom has dementia.
The first thing you need to do is figure out what level of care mom needs. This can be done through a "needs assessment". You can ask her doctor to order one or you can contact your local Area Agency on Aging and ask them to schedule one.
You only want to move mom once.
Are all of her legal documents (will, POA for healthcare and finances) and end of life wishes (POLST, MOLST, living will) in place? Get those done if she is still competent.
Folks with dementia often have lost the ability to think logically. So saying, "mom, we need to get you into a NH/AL/MC place because DW (dear wife) has had a heart attack may not register with her.
In that situation, you utilize a "therapeutic fib". "Mom, we need to go to (destination) to see X who is having a baby". "Mom, DW has to go to the hospital and I need to work, so you're going to stay at X for 2 weeks". Or, "Mom, the plumbing has just blown up and we need to evacuate for 2 weeks; you're going to stay at XYZ facility".
You've done a good job caring for mom; now is the time to care for your wife.
Again, don't avoid GRIEF, but do not go there where guilt is concerned. Guilt belongs to felons and evil doers, and they never give it a thought. You are human beings, and good human beings at that.
I am so sorry for the grief. Allow yourself the tears. Allow them for your Mom.
I had run out of gas and was on the verge of losing my family. So I told her in a kind but direct manner that they were moving. My father was in the next room sobbing. It was not an easy thing to do but I would do it again.
The move to the facility then takes place, and you see how she does. If she takes to it, well and good. If not, then you will still be free to consider all of the available options. It sounds as though returning to your and your wife's home won't be one of them, or at least won't be a sensible one, but there may still be plenty to choose from. Have you had any opportunity to research what's available within reasonable visiting distance?