Have just flown over from Aus to spend a month trying to help my brother settle Mum into nursing home with good dementia care facilities. Mum as I spoke before is extremely difficult and narcissistic when she does not get her way shouting and abusive and holding grudges. Though in front of others often presents as charming but she can’t maintain it. In order to prevent her kicking off in hospital the decision by social worker and my brother was not to tell her till we knew she is in transit. She has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and delerium with the paranoia and obsessive fixations about other patients and nurses though on the whole has enjoyed watching comings and goings as next to nurses station for last 7 weeks recovering from a fall at home whilst living solo supported by regular carers toileting, dressing etc. Has been refused a place by first two best choice nursing homes as being not a mental or psychological fit for their other residents. I don’t know how to tell her today when I travel with her. My brother will meet me at the nursing home where we have put some of her things with more furniture and pics to follow. Do I fib, lie tell the truth this is your new home now Mum where you will have great carers? Also like daughter with rescue dog Mum took on cat with similar clause to return him so not just her house and things but also missing cat to contend with. Any ideas how I tell Mum later today?
This is a hard journey you have before you. I’m not sure of the answer but will be with you in spirit.
Set your intention to be loving and gentle and encouraging and know that you really don’t have a choice but to move forward.
Let us know how it goes.
Hugs to you and mom and brother.
10 o clock pm and still not consenting to hoist to get her from chair to bed apparently.She has Repacked all items left there ready for a speedier exit and didn’t want photos displaying happier times. Worst is brother has born the brunt of rage and she is refusing to ever speak again. Tks
Fi
I am so sorry. I know this is just awful for all three of you. The harsh words are so hard to hear. You are in a no win situation.
Does the facility advise you to leave her to them to get settled in?
“Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
She’s doing her part. Try to get some rest. Be happy you have your brother, that you have each other to struggle through these long hard days.