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Who are you caring for?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Your spouse has dementia. This behavior will not get better. It will probably get worse. If she is not on medication to help with anxiety, depression you should talk to her doctor. Making the decision to place someone in Memory Care is not an easy decision. I said I would care for my Husband at home as long it was safe to do so. Safe for HIM and safe for ME. Safety is not just physical safety but mental, emotional safety as well. It sounds like it is no longer safe for you to care for your wife at home. She may be better with caregivers. You could try that. But it may be that you have to place her in a facility that can provide for her needs 24/7/365.
Dementia often reaches the point where in home care becomes unmanageable for the spouse to handle. Behaviors require a team approach by caregivers working in 24/7 shifts who aren't emotionally invested in personal relationships with these elders. If you burn out or wind up dying first due to stress, God forbid, what happens to her then? She goes to Memory Care Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing ANYWAY. Why not make the choice now and spare yourself the trauma that's headed your way with the upcoming care and maintenance required with dementia? My mother thrived in Memory Care Assisted Living for nearly 3 years where she received great care from "her girls" and my husband and I were able to have our own lives as well.
Shadow, I think I understand--your wife with dementia is berating you and blaming you for her dementia, yes?
Is this new behavior? If so, get her tested immediately for a UTI. These can cause psychiatric symptoms.
If this is her typical behavior, it behooves you, for BOTH of your sakes to get her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist. She needs meds for agitation and anxiety.
No one should be subjected to this kind of verbal abuse.
I wouldn’t be able to stick around that long for it. I’d have to take breaks and leave the room or go outside for a bit. I’d have to ask the neurologist if meds could calm the behaviors and make home life more pleasant. I’d have to consider my own emotional and physical health and decide if her living in memory care would be better for the both of us. I wish you peace
She’s lost her mind and belongs in full time dementia care now. That’s the bottom line.
Ask her doctor to help you deliver the news. Don’t warn wife ahead of time. Have options ready - you go visit some places beforehand and don’t tell wife. Let her scream and yell, berate and blame, but she’s going there anyway.
Be firm. You don’t deserve to live like this. Very sad situation, but she’s the one who has been changed by this illness and she deserves to be cared for by professionals who can provide better care than you can at this stage of disease.
No but it has picked up the last three days. She calls them discussions but since she is the only one allowed to talk I call them speeches. She will slip in that she loves me and is thankful for all I do but then most of the hour to three hours is spent trashing me.
Try to detach from this because you can't reason with them due to cognitive impairment. Don't know if you are responding but say nothing or something bland like oh or that's too bad.
Agree with sending them to a memory care facility. It's best for both of you.
New to this site but learning through everyone’s postings. Trying not to get pulled in so I am detaching. Trying “grey stoning” approach. She is not ready for memory care yet. I am thankful for everyone’s input.
I am husband/ caregiver. My wife has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. She lectures me for hours about what a horrible person I am. If I take a break from the abuse I am berated again for having taken a time out.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
This behavior will not get better. It will probably get worse.
If she is not on medication to help with anxiety, depression you should talk to her doctor.
Making the decision to place someone in Memory Care is not an easy decision. I said I would care for my Husband at home as long it was safe to do so. Safe for HIM and safe for ME. Safety is not just physical safety but mental, emotional safety as well. It sounds like it is no longer safe for you to care for your wife at home. She may be better with caregivers. You could try that. But it may be that you have to place her in a facility that can provide for her needs 24/7/365.
Best of luck to you.
Is this new behavior? If so, get her tested immediately for a UTI. These can cause psychiatric symptoms.
If this is her typical behavior, it behooves you, for BOTH of your sakes to get her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist. She needs meds for agitation and anxiety.
No one should be subjected to this kind of verbal abuse.
I think that the first word should have been, “She”.
Autocorrect sure does create confusion!
Ask her doctor to help you deliver the news. Don’t warn wife ahead of time. Have options ready - you go visit some places beforehand and don’t tell wife. Let her scream and yell, berate and blame, but she’s going there anyway.
Be firm. You don’t deserve to live like this. Very sad situation, but she’s the one who has been changed by this illness and she deserves to be cared for by professionals who can provide better care than you can at this stage of disease.
Agree with sending them to a memory care facility. It's best for both of you.
Are you the caregiver?
Who is verbally abusing you?
Who is the patient?
If this is new behavior in a dementia patient, consider that a UTI may be to blame.
Limit your exposure. Walk out of the room.
If the person who is "trashing" you is not someone with dementia, tell them to F off and tell them to leave the premises.