My mother is 90. Beyond her social security she has a little money her mother left her. She no longer drives, she is sun downing, and has been a challeng with her BPD coping strategies. Owing to her BPD, it is impossible to find someone competent to provide respite without creating a triangulation nightmare. I can’t have friends over. My sweetheart seldom comes to the house for fear of offending her. She just got out of the hospital with a hiatal hernia which means she is more irascible. I am at the end of my tether.
What has her geriatric psychiatrist prescribed for her, especially for the sundowning?
Did you discuss placement with Discharge Planning during this last hospitalization?
Are you her POA? Have you visited an Elder Law Attorney to discuss options?
You are entitled to a life, time to think out of the box, no need to give up your life for her, she has lived hers on her own terms, you might want to give that premise a whirl.
It’s your home and you’re entitled to your peace and enjoyment of it. She can go somewhere else. Don’t just sit there and let her mental illness and old age keep you in a chokehold. Make plans starting today to move her out.
If so you can place her in Memory Care or other facility that will be able to provide the care that she needs.
If there is no POA you may have to obtain Guardianship
the other option would be to say, (next time she is in the hospital) that you can no longer safely care for her and work with a Social Worker to have a Court Appointed Guardian (that is if you do not want to be her Guardian and there is no one else)