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My mother is soon to go to Memory Care. It's a really nice place and I think she will be good there. I'm trying to figure out how I handle her petty cash finances for her. (I have POA.) I live a long distance from her and therefore cannot bop in daily/weekly with extra things she may need or want. I can order online of course. But if she goes on an excursion and wants to buy something. Does she keep cash in her wallet? A credit card? She has Alzheimer's and money is something she is fiercely protective of and suspicious about and her link to feeling in control. I'm sure they will help me there, but can anyone give us an idea?
Thanks!

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We handled a similar situation with my mother, now deceased, and currently my MIL who also has dementia.. both were insistent on having money in their purse, both memory care patients.
you can order play money called "prop money" which is used in the motion picture industry. I crumpled it up to "age" it a little then flatten it out. Even the memory care staff called me once to tell me that my Mom had a lot of money in her purse!!
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When my mom was in assisted living, they had shopping trips and ice cream outings, but memory care residents typically do not go on excursions. They are in a locked down area for a reason. There is barely enough staff to maintain their meals, meds, bathing, laundry, etc. There is no way they can manage taking folks with dementia to a store for shopping. If you as the family member would like to pick her up and take her somewhere, that is an option, but then you can hand her the money/wallet while there.

After being placed in memory care, If she still is still adamant about carrying a purse or wallet, let her keep one with a dollar in it or better yet, fake money. Outside of that, mark my word, it will get taken or lost.

Memory care is a different world. They take each others clothes, go into each others rooms, take each others teeth....no joke. They no longer have the mental capacity to understand boundaries or even recognize their own things.

I know all of this may sound shocking to you, but you will get it once she is in there for a bit. The anxiety about it all subsides and you get to a point where you're happy if they are safe, well fed and taken care of. The other superficial things in life that we placed value on fade away.
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Sallysun: At a Memory Care facility, a patient keeping cash is not a wise decision.
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In Memory Care, not Assisted Living, my Mom was not given any money. In fact, she didn't have any jewelry, she didn't have an iphone. Against staff wishes, we provided her an ipad that was of an older generation and had minimal specifications. It was for facetime so she could call us over the internet.

Memory Care has all kinds of memory impaired people. This includes the ones who follow people into their room, eat everything and anything they can get their hands on including the food of other people, believe anything and everything is theirs and accuse others (including the staff) of stealing their stuff. Our latest incident was that my Mom's shampoo was swapped out for a different shampoo (now the bottle is labelled with her name). We have temporarily misplaced T-shirts, pants, shorts, pictures, calendars, toothbrushes, etc. Yes, her room has a door.

Bottom line: don't leave anything that is of value (like identification, food, flowers, cosmetics as well as the traditional items that have value) with her overnight unless you can stand to lose it permanently. Definitely do not take things to Memory Care that trigger thoughts of money like a purse or a wallet or anything that could be used for identity theft.

When my Mom asked to take money, we said "No" (money is a huge part of her personality.) We told her that we didn't want to give anyone a cause to steal her stuff, especially money. She understood. We also reassured her that if she needed any money, to call us on Facetime and we would get it to her.

At a different center, when my Mom was taken on an excursion, she was not allowed off the van because if a person is truly memory impaired, the facility had to have someone who is mentally capable to accompany each person at all time while off campus. For haircuts, nails, etc., they just charge it to the room and I got an invoice. In the current place where my Mom is, I told them I would handle taking my Mom for haircuts, nails, doctor appointments, etc. I figured that it was a time for me to "connect" with her.

When my Mom went to the emergency room because the nurses wanted assurances that my Mom didn't have a concussion, my sister-in-law took her. I sent my sister-in-law scanned pictures (both front and back) of my Mom's state id, her medicare card, health insurance card, prescription card, and vaccination record, As it turns out, the Memory Care center made printouts of the list of medication and any emergency info. The doctor at emergency called me up and we discussed my Mom's situation (or in this case, lack of situation).

The one thing that is understated is the opportunity for identity theft. Make copies. If you have to have pieces of identity present with the person, just give them paper copies, not the real card. Nothing should have their social security number or their medicare id on it....NOTHING! For sure, they don't need their real state id or blank checks, signed or unsigned, either.

Although the staff is dependable and reputable, one never knows about the visitors another patient might have or the patient him/herself.
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I would not give her an active bank card or even a gift card or cash. My MIL thought that when she was in assisted living, she could continue like she was at home with her credit and debit cards. My MIL is a hoarder and lives to shop, but the additional issue is that she has hallucinations, that people were trying to hurt her or take her dog and she would call 911 indiscriminately at all hours. She did not receive a telephone so she couldn’t make purchases nor call 911. She did find out her cards didn’t work though we aren’t sure how.

My husband canceled her cards, because the assisted living facility recommended that she not have any thing of value as it would be stolen. They remained in her wallet. Her jewelry was sent along with him as well, though we did send some that wasn’t worth much to her that she could use if she wanted to do so.
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What kind of excursions do you think they'll be taking her on? My mom's MC didn't take them anyplace where money would be needed.

If they have someone who comes in to do hair or manicures, they usually just add it to the bill at the end of the month.

I wouldn't see any need for her to have cash.
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Discuss this with the facility. Mom's had a kind of debit arrangement so she could purchase small items that would be credited to her account. I would top it up as needed. They may not want her to have cash, it's likely to go missing for many reasons.

I tried a debit card but she couldn’t remember the PIN number. In reality any kind of money arrangement is likely to get lost or go missing in a Memory Care unit.

She too always wanted to have some cash but would hide it and then we would have to scavenge her room to find it. So I started giving her a few one dollar bills so she felt like she had something in her purse and wasn’t completely out of control of her life.
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Hello. Perhaps someone mentioned this ???

it may be possible for you to get your mom a reloadable card thru the bank. You put an amount on it whenever and however much.

it is not tied to your account so no one can get any information.
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Just my opinion......I would place Mom in memory care near my home so that I could take her out or visit for support.
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I agree with everyone else. Money and credit cards will just get taken or lost. 2 suggestions. Put cancelled credit cards in her wallet and keep reinforcing that everything at her place is included and they don’t take cash or credit cards. They just send a monthly bill. My mom was the same way at first and those 2 things helped. Eventually she stopped asking.
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What will she do when she finds the money stolen? Patients go in and out of each other’s rooms all day, picking up stuff and sometimes taking it with them. Most care facilities stress nothing of value is to be in the room for that reason.
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Consukt with Elder Law attorney
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MJ1929 Apr 2022
Pay an attorney $350 to ask if her mom should have petty cash??
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Noooooo. Other residents go through their room all the time. It gets the residents quite upset. They feel violated. I don't blame them.
There are people who work there who will take it if the opportunity presents itself. Easy to say a resident took it, or no one knows what happenedto it.
Do not leave a dime there. The residents have accounts, they can buy something with it. You can get her anything she needs.

I couldn't even keep my dad's clothes in his room. Socks, shirts, pants stolen. When I complained, I was told there is a pile of clothes, and they dress residents from that. Basically too bad. You think the staff will find your money or credit card? Ha!

If ahead is adamant she needs cash, get her some fake cash from Amazon. But that will disappear too. I couldn't even get my family pics back from the nursing home after he passed.
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Have you talked with the facility staff to see if they have any procedures to follow and what their experience has been? I also agree with others who have said to look at what your has said about having money. It could be that if she would like some cash you can give her a couple bills - the n-number and denominations to be decided. It may also be that just giving her some "play" money would would take care of her desire to have some. There are several options to look at. As others indicated you can possibly authorize the facility to buy some things on her behalf if they go on field trips or for services in the facility [hair cuts. etc.] I would also agree to no legitimate credit cards
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no credit cards or you will spend hours on the phone stopping payments to cold call sales persons. I put small change cash in the wallet and send money in Birthday, Christmas etc. cards. Her eyes light up when the money drops out, she counts the cash in her wallet as if it were a treasure she just found.
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The residents of MC have NO NEED for cash or credit cards; if there is an expense incurred, it's billed to their room and payable by their POA as part of their monthly bill ie: haircut, excursion lunch, etc. I know; I paid my mother's Memory Care bill every month for nearly 3 years, and her ALF bill for nearly 5 years prior to that.

It's unreasonable to expect an elder suffering from Alz/dementia to keep money on them and to pay for anything! When mom insisted on having cash in her wallet, I gave her a $20 bill back in 2019 when she moved into Memory Care. When I cleaned out her room after she passed in late February, that $20 bill was in her wallet in the exact same place she put it nearly 3 years earlier.

If your loved one is in a Memory Care ALF where they're expected to pay for services in cash, something is OFF, big time. Now, the elder may DEMAND to have cash on them and INSIST there are things they 'must' pay for, but that's a different story entirely. I'd give her a $20 bill or 4 $5s and leave it at that b/c the one thing you DO NOT want to do is give an elder with dementia a bunch of cash in a Memory Care AL situation and then have endless discussions constantly about who 'stole it'!!!!!!! :(
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When my mother entered Memory Care, she would ask and ask about money.

I gave her $20 for her wallet. She carries her cross-body purse at all times.

There is nothing at her MC to spend $ on.

I order and bring in anything she needs.

Her haircuts and manicures are billed to a credit card.

Foot care is done by a podiatrist, who bills to Medicare.
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When Mom in Law was in the care facility with alzheimers and dementia, she had $50.00/month to use for haircuts, nails, clothing, or whatever she "needed." However, being the way she was, that was never really used. We bought her clothing ourselves. I cut her hair, did her nails. This money came from what was paid to the facility. She never had any cash on her or in her room. It would have been stolen.
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In memory care it is extremely unusual for the residents to have access to money either physically or by check or credit cards. Most in MC have memory deficits and have financial managers or family, fiduciary folk to take care of these problems. Whether she is protective of/wants to have money or not isn't the question. She cannot now safely manage money.
Time to have a conversation with the facility itself to find out how these things are managed at their facility.
In my brother's assisted living, where many residents WERE still able to handle their finances the rule was that there was no money allowed in the rooms. To keep it there meant signing that there would be no claims of its loss. He had his own very small checking account for his own needs and I otherwise managed all bills, accounts, and etc. In memory care he would not have had access even to his one charge card nor his checkbook in this facility.
Ask administration this week. Good luck.
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My mother's memory care recommended not keeping more than $5 in her room. Speak with the staff at your mother's memory care. They probably have a way of putting activity expenses on her monthly bill. My mother's MC was trustworthy, so I set up an account at a local pharmacy with a credit card on file so that they could order personal care items that she needed. I found that staff at my mother's MC facility was not good at letting me know when she needed clothing, pajamas, etc. I didn't live far and was able to check every season. At MC facilities, you'll also find that clothes that aren't hers end up in her closet. I just accepted that she was wearing things that she wouldn't have chosen for herself. The best clothing in MC is clothing that can be washed and dried in hot water (and they don't separate the colors). Elastic waist pants, and tops that are easy to put on and off, sweaters with no buttons. Comfortable clothing.
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bcasteel Apr 2022
We had problems with the facility putting her clothes back in her room. Socks especially. They wouldn't sort them out to each person. Threw them all in a bin and just used what they grabbed. Her name was on all of hers too! I bought all of her clothes at thrift shops, but made sure I didn't buy "name brand" because they would disappear.
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I gave my Dad $60 and an expired driver license to have in his wallet that he’s carried all his life. His facility (very small) does not do trips so he only goes out with me. Insists on paying for breakfast or Dollar Store trips etc. It’s his gentlemanly way. It makes him happy. He also wanted checks, but I have been successful at diverting that subject!
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The facility sets up an account. Give her monopoly money. Memory residents don't believe or realize they are taking something that doesn't belong to them.she can pay for incidentals from the account
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I have the exact same issue with my aunt who is residing in a SNF for the last 6 months. She keeps wanting her ‘cash box’, her Will, checkbook, and various other things she thinks she needs. Fiercely protective, as you say, of control of her money. Over and over she calls me about wanting it, the facility does not want her to have any money or her Will or the other unsecured items there. Because she was stressing about it, we gave her $50 in $5 bills and put it one of those zippered pouches you hang around your neck that travelers use to keep their money close to them. She was happy for that and she keeps it around her neck or in a locked drawer they gave her a key for (which she also keeps around her neck). It has eliminated most of the money issues, but not entirely. Sometimes she’ll bring it up again when she goes off to church with a friend and it reminds her she wants to put money in the collection box, or other things she thinks she needs to have, so it can also be a trigger. She needs money for nothing at the facility, and she doesn’t always show me how much she has left, so that is a little hard to maneuver at times. Otherwise I just keep saying ‘I’ll look into it,’ and she seems mostly ok with that for the time being. At the facility there is a special account I can put money into as one of the other commenters said, and we put money in it for haircuts, etc., but that does not meet the level of control she seeks. It is definitely a challenge to keep ideas flowing to let them have what they think they need. Keep the faith, one step at a time!
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My mom feels the same about money. She always had cash on her and her cards. She carried her purse to all the meals and wanted to write checks. I told her this was like a cruise ship. Everything is included, however, I agree that 100.00 cash is a good idea and I gave her a debit card with 200.00 on it - I set up a separate account for this debit card. She moved in to the AL October 2020 and by October of 2021, she was not obsessed about money. I sent her items from Amazon (like her fav shoes or capri palazzo pants) and I set up a system to pay the hairdresser. When she fell because she tripped, I asked her to please leave her purse in her apartment because I need her to be able to hold on so she doesn’t fall. The PT guy suggested this and mom agreed to try. She now doesn’t even think about her purse and the 100 dollars is still in it along with the debit card. Her peace of mind was important to me and this compromise gave her the feelings that she is independent with her own cash.
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We gave my step-mother a prepaid credit card, $100, in the last 2 years she has used a whopping $25 of it.

My brother & I order whatever she needs from Amazon and everything else is billed to her account at the AL.
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Ok thanks Frebrowser that's very useful I'll ask them about that .
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My aunt’s memory care offered a personal funds trust account that could be used for in house expenses including haircuts, etc.
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