I was told I could take a few days to be with my mom before I have to start my new job because she has been on a steep decline. I just received a call from the nursing facility and they don't expect my mom to last until the end of the day.
The funeral home has been pre-paid for an immediate cremation as per my mom's final wishes. She clearly stated she did NOT want an open casket with a viewing back when her mind was clear. I don't know if we will have any kind of memorial service since I am the only immediate family and only a hand full of people would be there. Likely some people would show up claiming to be family that I don't even know and that would be about it.
They really wanted me to start last week but now I'm not sure if I should be asking for more time. I know I need to seek out yet another lawyer because I need some answers as to how to best handle things.
This is not your employer yet. You have yet to show up and be paid. What if mom does not pass as expected?
If you don't want the job have the courtesy to call and tell them. I have had two recent hires that just did not show up.
Call the employer, thank him for the job offer and tell him you’re very sorry but it won’t work out. Explain you realize it would be unfair to start a new job when your personal priorities will affect your ability to meet his expectations and affect the entire team.
If the company really wants you, they will make a counter offer. If they don’t, better everyone knows that early. The wrong hire is a huge no win headache for all parties.
Good luck.
Anyway; I am SO sorry that your mom is actively dying. Go, be with her. Take a week after she passes and then go to work. Do the "tying up her estate stuff" during lunch hours. My brother settled my mom's estate while working full time; it's not something you need whole days to do.
Again, so sorry and (((((hugs))))).
It seems to me you don't want this job, and if you took it, you wouldn't stay long either. I think it's best you let the employer know, so they can find someone else. It's the right thing to do.
Your question is how long is it acceptable to keep a new employer waiting. I don't think it is a legal question that you need to seek an attorney for advice. Why don't you ask the employer?
Obviously, they need help, that's why they hired you. How long can they wait, they would know best, wouldn't they? If they really want YOU to work for them, then they will try to wait. If they can find someone else, then they may not wait too long.
Ask the employer. If you involve a lawyer before you even start working, the employer will definitely think you're a potential legal trouble maker and will think twice about having you working for them. If I were them, I would.
I would think 3 days but contact your new employer and ask. If they have given you some time I am sure they would be understanding BUT there are limits and if they are holding a job for you that could easily be filled by someone that is ready, willing and able to start immediately do not expect them to continue to give you more time.
I wouldn't worry about having a Memorial service now. I find with cremation people tend to put that off. I have told my kids I want nothing. Just use my money to go out to lunch or dinner and remember me kindly. We chose my MILs birthday to have her service which was 3 months after her death. She had been cremated and buried in a National cemetery with my FIL. A friend held a very nice luncheon for the family and friends.
After the cremation, I will let some people know, whoever wants to come to the cemetery can come, we'll have a little graveside service and that will be it.
My dad past away in 2008, we planned for about 200 people and maybe 30 came. It's a small town, so plans for a luncheon need to be made days in advance, reservations only. Sometimes the Church ladies will make sandwiches etc or you can get catering from the local bar & grill. Some major events are catered from out of town.
Since my mom has already requested cremation, we could delay the burial a couple of weeks if we need to.
If yes, if your new employer has allowed you a period of grace, that employer has shown real understanding of your situation. In which case, if you are not sure if you need to negotiate more time off when your mother actually does pass away, I can't think of anybody better to discuss it with. They're being more than fair to you. Just be honest and realistic with them.
the question I might ask though is do you really not want the job or are you in a dit of a depressed state after caring for someone and the subsequent death? I would do a bit of soul searching in the next 24 - 48 hours.