Well, we have reached this stage of my father living with us. I am a very successful with a corporate job, married, perfect life, but I was accused of stealing his pills b/c he says 11 went missing in 1 day so he wants me to get help. Long story short, it's completely absurd, I barely drink. However, he firmly believes it and it has hurt me greatly. Thank god for my husband who intervened but no matter what, it's crushing since I am trying to make his last transition as stress free as we can, he lives in our home, has an entire basement with light and access to outside. He does not have dementia but is on a lot of meds as he is a 100% disabled Vietnam vet so he is physically in a lot of pain but his mind has always been sharp as a tool. Not anymore, it would seem. I signed up for this Forum b/c it seems as though stealing meds is a very common issue for us adult caregivers. Thanks in advance for any tips, tricks or advice on how to deal with what appears to be a shift in his mental awareness.
*Stolen* items/meds..
- Have they been hidden?
(Often to keep safe from theives)
- Have the meds already been taken? (Short term memory problems starting?)
- Has his pain increased?
- Has he been over-medicating?
(Running out sooner than he should?)
Even a sharp mind can be dulled by pain & the effects of medication, especially multi meds.
But then you say not any more, it would seem .
Sounds like the paranoia that can occur with dementia . This will only get worse .
If he is missing pills , he could be taking too many . I don’t know how you will get him to let you be the one in control of his pills so you make sure he takes the right pills at the right times .
I would say this arrangement at your home is no longer working and he needs to be taken care of by non family that he will not be able to manipulate . He won’t listen to you because he is the parent of you . He will not listen to his child . He thinks he’s the boss because he’s the parent . The doctor told me this is very common with dementia and when it gets to this point , the parent can not be taken care of by family at home anymore . In assisted living they will be the ones to give him his pills , their rules .
Even if it’s not dementia , I doubt he will let you be in control of his pills and would still need assisted living since he may be taking too many .
You should not have to live with this strife , and Dad needs to live where there is staff he can not manipulate . This is a case where living with family will not work .
At a certain age everyones brains start dieing, some slower than others some faster. I would go online and YouTube, find out all you can about dementia, expesially vascular, because i found it a lot different than what I was taught about Alzheimer's, expesially in the early stages.
You may need to start controlling his meds, if he is missing eleven pills, did he take them. Put them in weekly containers with the days of the week . Maybe you can talk him into doing that buy saying so there is no mix up. Maybe tell him your worried at who might be taking them so you need to be more in charge of them
I would have a sitdown with Dad if he is truly not having dementia. I would tell him that you have opened your home to him and made it his home, but that he is now descending down a rabbit hole of believing you are taking his medications. Such outlandish thought patterns are disturbing you and if they continue you will not be able to continue in taking care of him. I would tell him that you are reporting his accusations to his doctor and that you will ask that both HE AND YOU have blood tests; I would tell him that you are now afraid that he is unable to safely take his own meds. I would tell him that if this continues at all you will no longer be able to care for him in your home and he will need transfer to assisted living or to a safe environment where his medications will be controlled. I would have my husband with me during this talk.
. Mon. Tues. wed thurs fri sat sun
tablet. 27. 26. 25. 25
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It might help as a painful measure to show him then leave it to him to count them if he do wishes
paranoia is a trait -
or get a lockable box and leave the tablets in his room until you arrive then take out days and let him lick them back up
( secretly keep or get a spare jey tho incase he looses his)
good luck
Either that or are you sure that your father didn't take the missing 11 pills all in one day and just forgot(again another sign of dementia)?
When it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's usually a duck. I'm just saying.
And I hope that you have your "ducks" in a row if and when the time comes that your fathers care is just too much for you and your "perfect life."
Unfortunately, he met a much younger woman at a senior residence....she took over and the trustee let her hand out the meds - despite my request that a visiting nurse do it or even the facility manager. The trustee (Oregon) was so bad that she bought lawn furniture with my dad's credit card and surprisingly the attorney let her.....not even a blink.
Well, he died of a brain bleed (consequence of way too thinned blood).......I imagine she gave him double the dose. Sad, but legal could not even help.
Sooooo (not a joke) Keep your dad away from a sweetheart swindle possibility......believe me, they are out there!!. Somehow he thought he was young and wanted a woman????
Yes, they can get paranoid................part of dementia. I worked soo hard for him for 4 years but the sweetheart won............I live in Oregon
Look at this website: What Are Persecutory Delusions? -
Paranoia, Persecution, and False Beliefs
By Amy Morin, LCSW Updated: March 10, 2024 / reviewed by Steven Gans, MD
In part, it says:
Tips to Help Older Adults Experiencing Paranoia
Be understanding and patient.
Keep their surroundings calm and quiet.
Avoid arguing about anything that is making them paranoid.
Empathize with them and let them know that you understand why their thoughts would make them afraid.
[Gena: do not take it personally; person cannot help it.]
Types of Persecutory Delusions
People with mental illness may experience persecutory delusions. These delusions are most commonly associated with schizophrenia, but they also may appear during manic episodes of bipolar disorder or with severe depression with psychosis.
Conditions that can cause persecutory delusions include:
Schizophrenia ________________
A condition that involves distortions in thinking and perception. People with this condition often experience hallucinations and delusions, including persecutory delusions.
Bipolar Disorder ____________________
A condition that causes extreme shifts in mood, activity levels, and behavior. A person may shift rapidly between periods of excess energy and grandiose mood (mania) to periods of very low mood (depression). Persecutory delusions most often occur during manic episodes.
Major Depression with Psychotic Features _______________
Sometimes known as psychotic depression, this condition involves having both depressive symptoms and episodes of psychosis.
Dementia __________________
It's also common for people with dementia to develop delusions. It's estimated that 27% of people with dementia experience persecutory delusions at one time or another.
Delusional Disorder ________________
They may also signal a delusional disorder, an illness that is characterized by at least one month of delusions but no other psychotic symptoms.
Persecutory delusions are one of the most common types of delusions.
Treatment for Persecutory Delusions
Treatment varies greatly depending on the type of mental illness someone is experiencing. Sometimes underlying issues, like insomnia or past trauma, must be addressed.
Medication _________________
Depending on the illness, antipsychotics, antidepressants, or other mood-stabilizing medications may be used. The specific medications that may be effective depend on an individual's specific diagnosis. For example, research suggests that antipsychotics can be effective for the treatment of delusional disorders.
Support Services _____________
People who are experiencing delusions also may struggle with everyday tasks, like going to work, running errands, and paying bills. They may require professional in-home support services to assist them with daily tasks.
It might help you to read books (Teepa Snow), google websites (as I did here), watch You Tubes. I would personally recommend reinforcing: "You are safe here, I will watch everything for you so you are safe; then change the subject.
Gena / Touch Matters