How to deal with mom hiding things?

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How to deal with mom hiding things?

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I am constantly helping mom, who lives in ALF, try to find her things (purse, wallet, makeup) that she says are stolen. She has Alzheimer's and hides/loses her things daily. Most times I find the "stolen" items in her room. She has several spots she typically uses to hide things but not always. I try to get her to put her things in one spot to no avail. How do others handle this? Any ideas for keeping her things safe in one spot?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Dementia Behaviors Mom

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For some things I use Tile (wallet, keys, remote, telephone) very helpful.

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You saying you 'try to get her to put there things in one spot' tells me that you do not understand how the brain changes due to dementia. She doesn't have the cognitive capacity to 'think' as she used to nor understand what you are saying to her - in a way she could actually process the information.
Research / watch / listen to Teepa Snow; a wealth of information.
The learning never ends.

* You might want to get cameras.
* Some people put dirty undergarments in hiding places; you may need to look around every time you see her and/or ask care aides to look around.
* This is a common behavior with some people inflicted with dementia.
* Keep her room minimally furnished; lock closets and drawers.
- Some people need their private bathrooms locked at night, depending on what they start doing (one client started to wash her clothes in the sink-might have flooded, I don't know).
* Try leaving large paper bags around and see if she might use them. You might want to 'hide' them in sight so she'll think she found something useful.
* Likely there is 'no one spot' unless there is absolutely nowhere in the room where she could leave something.
* If she has things in the room which need to be safely kept, they shouldn't be in her room. Clothing can be replaced. Don't have anything of value / items you want to keep available to her.

Gena / Touch Matters

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I am writing a book on caregiving, and just happen to be on this subject. If you can afford it (believe me, worth the expense), buy things in bulk. For instance, fingernail clippers, extra wallets with money in them, keys, remotes, and anything else you can think of that she might hide while you're away. Our dad had to have his keys in hand and wallet where he could see it. When we first started out, we spent hours sometimes looking for things he had misplaced. My brouther and I finally got another wallet, put some money and an old DL in it, to "find" when he said he had lost it. It's hard. But remember, paranoia is a part of it. They hide them, then think someone has stolen their things. It's a vicious cycle, and we have to emember, it's more vicious for them, than for us. They are living in fear because they can't remember things in the "short-term". Forget trying to get her to put things in one spot. Ain't gonna happen. Buy in bulk, put things where YOU can find them, and adapt the best you can. It seems like it's going to last forever, but the day will come for you, like it is for me now, where I wish I could talk to him one more time. God bless you for your efforts.

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While I was a newbie, only just allowed out on rounds on my own, we had a client who was trying hard to conceal the struggle she was having with dementia. She did pretty well, too. She was dressed when I arrived, and it was only while I was documenting what clothes she had on that I realised she'd put her jacket and slacks on over her nightdress.

We went up to her bedroom to "complete her dressing routine" and following procedure I emptied her pockets in front of her. Cellphone, change, endless tissues. And a cupcake.

Keeping track of where you've put things when your short-term memory keeps cutting out is almost impossible. Does your mother become very upset when she can't find her belongings? - because as long as nothing crucial goes missing, and it's simply a matter of playing hunt the purse three times daily, I should let things be.

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It could be frustrating and some times fun. As mother aged she thought people were stealing her items- a $9000. ring; a Daum Naci glass; and a silver medal from WWII and a letter from Pres Reagan, for example. Eventually we found all of them and I took them to the care center. She was delighted of course and we never heard about it again. The rings were in a WalMart bag in the closet; The art glass was wrapped and stuck inside a glass pitcher; the medal was simply on top of the dresser outside its case. We also found 3-4 thousand in cash in the freezer; umbrella stand; shower room and silverware cabinet. We put the rest of good rings in the bank box. The 4 caret was gone. When asked mother said she sold it but she claimed to have made an $8000 profit commenting that her brain is only a little weak- not that gone ! We just got used to it.

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Yes and the high amounts of cash that is hidden, not sure if there is a plan to head to Mexico in the near future 🙄

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I know what you're dealing with and it is exhausting! LOL When mom was still in her house, she would hide her checks and I had to reorder them constantly. Fast forward to assisted living... I would spend an hour pulling underwear, the remote control, her wallet, etc from in between the mattress, under sofa cushions, she even threw things on top of the wall cabinets. It was crazy. To save myself some time, I purchased multiple remote controls (cheap, universal kind) multiple toothbrushes and hairspray, etc. basically all of the things she liked to hide. I had the assisted living folks put a lock on the coat closet and I kept all of the extra's in there and I was the only one with a key. So if I would show up and things were missing, I might do a cursory search, but not spend tons of time like I did previously. Made life so much easier. I would just get in the closet and pull out a replacement hairbrush or remote.

Mom is now in memory care and I went over on Thanksgiving morning to get her cleaned up to bring her to my house for dinner with family. I wanted her to change clothes to something a little nicer and when she struggled to get her pants undone, I found that she had shoved her toothbrush into the top banding of her pants. Safest place she could find to hide it I guess. I can laugh at it now....8 years ago, not so much.

You just have to come up with something that makes life a little easier for you because the paranoia and theft accusations aren't going anywhere! LOL

When mom was in AL she had a male friend that she hung around with and he would do the same thing. Hide his things and then accuse everyone of stealing them. His son installed a hidden camera in his apartment and would bring up the video of his dad hiding things. I thought that was cruel to throw in his dads face, when obviously he has dementia and is not hiding things with ill intent. He is sick. Now if he wanted to use the video to help him finds things when his dad was looking for them, I could see that, Or just to make sure things were ok when the staff came in or things of that nature, I can see where the video surveillance would be helpful. But to use it just to throw in your dads face to prove he was WRONG... that was cruel and there were obviously some issues there with the son and their relationship.

After a few years, mom forgot about the purse and wallet and I removed them from the AL apartment all together. When she would say I need some money, I would give her a dollar and a snickers and that seemed to satisfy her.

The biggest story mom believed was that people were coming into her apartment and partying, trashing it and then leaving her with the mess. I said you are the only one in here and you only leave for 30 minutes to eat lunch. I'm not sure how that is happening... I would just change the subject or I would make a funny like "I hope they do your laundry the next time they come". LOL

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Have seen the old thrift shop purse & photocopy trick work well.. A collection of similar looking purses to use/hide/find, all with lip balm, loose change, colour copies of important cards (the lady could not tell the difference between an original & any copies as very diminished short term memory + fading eyesight).

However, this could add to the confusion if Mom could spot the fakes?

That lady also blamed 'ghosts' for stealing, LOL.

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Edit: error on your username, chlswc123. So sorry.

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I bought my hubby a not-to-expensive safe. We put it under the bed where only he knew where it was. He wanted the key, so put it on a chain for around his neck. Or tell her it's a special safe that doesn't need a key...use her finger print. She probably won't know the difference. You could start her off with something special in the safe...a candy bar, roll of nickels, a coupon for a lunch out? So far, it's working for me. Good luck!

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chlswsc123: Pray tell, perhaps a move to Memory Care is better suited for your mother. In the meantime, perhaps you can attach a locator device on the items in question for future reference.

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I just wish I could find the things my husband has hidden in our house. A walk around phone, the whetstone for sharpening my kitchen knives, three tape measures ( I quilt so my 12 foot cloth tape measures are a necessity, and they are damned expensive), the dog's heartworm medicine, and numerous bottles of hand lotion. I quit asking him about the missing items, because he has "never touched them!"

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You've already found out things are never going to go to one single spot. Years back, as an elderly friend declined with the dementia, we went nearly every single day to find 'where the lost things go' (as Mary Poppins said). She would hide them (I think because her mind was already convinced there was a theif) and then forget where they were. Car keys were the real problem. She didn't want to drive, but she insisted her husband was stealing her car, so she wanted to hide the keys from him. They only had one car and true enough it belonged to her, but she was always driven around my him. She would drop the keys in a vase on a shelf or some other random spot creating a real Easter egg hunt. We made sure he had the extra set hid from her and I put a big nail on her wall that she could see and hung her set there. When she complained about 'he stole the car key', he could point to the big nail with keys on it and it seemed to help her.

You could try some long cording - attach one end to inside of purse and other end to her wallet. Make it long enough for her to remove wallet and be able to open it up. If she carries makeup in the purse, do the same to makeup bag. At least all the items will be in one place if she hides the purse. If makeup is not carried around, where does she put her makeup on - bathroom, living room chair, etc? Put a basket there with other loose makeup items to see if that will jog her brain to put makeup with other makeup.

Good luck. It may just be one of those aggravations that goes on and on

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hi haven't been to this forum for a long time. My mom was in ALF for almost 10 years. She was doing ok (had Alzheimer's) until she fell in the hallway and broke her (other)hip. (fell in 2011 and broke hip, ended up in ALF). Fell right when they locked down 3/20 and passed away 5/1/20. Had delirium BAD after returning from hosp to facility. Any way she just went down hill after that.

During her 10 years it was common for things to go missing. She either hid stuff on purpose or misplaced by accident. I hated spending my visiting time looking under and over everything for something missing. Eventually i learned where the prime spots for hiding were. I miss my mom but i don't miss all the confusion. My mom was never angry/mean during her last 10 years, BUT she was paranoid and believed stuff happened that did not really happen.
I never really figured out how to stop it cause well that's just dementia for ya. Well, the list of different problems we had over the years could write a book.

One of the best things I ever did though... was to have her seen by a Geriatric Dr.
She had been increasing in repeating stories about things that didn't really happen. Being ~overly~ stressed about strangers and robbers and people taking stuff during the night.(like her magazines) Any way it got bad. She got on a low dose of antidepressants and it really helped her out alot. Im not big on drugs, but sometimes they do good. It helped make her more relaxed, like the anxiety level evened out.
Not saying your mom has anxiety or stressed. But when they believe things are stolen, i think there is some fear there. I think the brain isn't functionally correct and its off balance. I hope this doesn't sound bad. Good Luck

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Mom did this too. I set up a bag full of the everyday things that were always ‘missing or stolen’. I filled the bag with her fav chapstick, hand cream, mints, keys, pix, and 2nd wallet. It solved the problem and saved my thinning sanity.

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My opinion is your Mom needs to be in memory care rather than assisted living. She will NOT get better, dementia is not a curable condition. This is a stage ( hiding, forgetting, blaming theft) will pass so take a deep breath and remove anything valuable, replace with look alike fakes and get on the list to get her into memory care. When you visit check all the hiding places and return things to where she thinks they should be found. It will pass and sooner rather than later she will not recognize anything as missing.

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My Mom used to do this too. We found a helpful device to attach to her purse keys etc that would ring and help us find the hidden objects. It’s called the Tile. You can find it online

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That frustrated us so much! Definitely remove critical items, like ID, financial info, etc. Monetary value seems meaningless to someone with dementia. My mother hid things based on her perceived value. Each sheet and pillowcase of sets was hidden in a different area of the house because she was certain they were of greater value than her tv, thus more likely to be stolen. Out of frustration, I bought classroom cases of scissors. I have found over 350 boxed envelopes stashed about. Thirty+ pairs of socks. Some days it was obviously a game. She’d hide her purse, we’d find it, and within minutes she’d announce it had been stolen again, “Only this time you won’t find it - it’s really been stolen!” There were times she was angry when we found lost items. As if she’d rather give up a cherished item than be wrong. Other days she’d rage if we didn’t drop everything to search. (BTW, she lived with us - never had a break-in, nobody allowed in her granny flat)

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I find if I remember she is not actually "hiding" things, I do better with helping her find them and put them back in their spot. It all makes perfect sense in her reality. It will be a "problem" without a solution... it's always a moving target. Good luck.

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My Mum is 5 foot, so I put her purse on a shelf up high and put a couple of items in front of it. That way I knew where it was. I also got her another purse with wallet and old cards and a little cash for in the room for her to lose.

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If you can figure out anything that works, please let me know. My boyfriend with dementia is constantly putting things somewhere he thinks is 'safe' and then calls me at work multiple times freaking out when he can't find it. I know there are things you can attach to objects, but the things he loses this is not possible. On Thanksgiving day, I played 'guess where I put my hearing aids' for four hours.. it was horrible. A few days ago he called me multiple times because he thought someone stole his dentures.. I had to leave my job and find them just so he would calm down. I used to be able to put myself in his place and think of where he would put them, but that's long gone because there is no logic to it anymore.

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I am slowly becoming more and more forgetful. I swear, I can be SITTING DOWN by my desk, pick up a pen, look away for a moment and then IT IS NOT THERE. It is happening more often lately. So, I have a cousin who is my medical power of attorney and my friend. He responds with, "Don't panic. It WILL show up. And if it doesn't, I will find it when I get there in (3 or 4 weeks). If it is A LIFE OR DEATH item , I will come sooner . Is this life or death?" Then, I realize it isn't too important, and I can do without the item and tell him, "No, it's ok. Maybe it will show up before you come." Usually, it does. Either I have dropped it and then threw a blanket over it, or it rolled to another part of the room, or whatever.

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How are you sure they were not stolen? When my mom was in a place like that, the other residents felt bold enough to go into her room and WALK OUT with her things. The BIGGEST THING they stole was A TELEVISION SET. When you find the items in her apartment, that's nice, but it could be what triggered her hiding things was that something once WAS stolen and never recovered . To get out of being blamed, the facility will often blame the resident's mental disabilities. Be careful You might want to ask the facility to give her a locked box for her things. Another way is to get an under the bed fabric "chest of drawers" that has a zipper.

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What you describe does happen in memory care facilities, anything valuable should be sent home with family. In assisted living facilities residents have private apartments with locks so others can not just wander in. I would be more inclined to think an employee walked off with the TV, but even that would be a challenge. Was it ever found?

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Oh yes, I've walked in your shoes. My mom would hide things in her shoes (in the closet): a comb, a cell phone, etc. When she couldn't find something, she was convinced that thieves stole it, and she was going to call the CIA. I even wrote a book about our travails called, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog has Tapeworms: A Careiver's Tale." I have a chapter entilted, "Steel Yourself for Stealing." Maybe you could get "find your keys" type gadgets, to locate missing items. We haven't used them, but we've seen them advertised. There's also something called "Tile" with the same purpose, but I haven't used that either. Good luck.

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Good luck. My mother is constantly hiding things she says to keep safe from all those people. There are only 3 of us in the home. She then accuses those people of stealing and then I find things under beds, stuffed in shoes, etc. if anyone has an idea, please share. I now just keep the important items. She forgets them and I don’t mention them again.

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Hahaha been there…..we used to find all kinds of things including food hidden! The best way we handled it was eliminate most stuff. Any valuables, take with you. We left her like junk mail or anything that she really didn’t need.

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Make sure she doesn't have anything valuable. You will never get her to put things in one spot. Reduce clutter to make it easier for her things to be found.

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First, eliminate valuable items that might be lost or misplaced.
There are "tiles" or tags that can be put on items and then they can be found more easily. Like the tags that you put on luggage so you can track where it is.
I would keep duplicates of some things so if you can not find them the item can be replaced right away so that she does not get upset.
It might be time to move mom to Memory Care rather than the Assisted Living.
MC would have a more controlled environment than the AL.

You can not get her to put items in one place
She wants to keep them safe so puts them away. Because of the dementia she forgets where she put them.

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Ahhhh you were me a few months ago! My little mum hoarder thief accuser has a proclivity for socks, glasses, handbag, MY glasses, toothbrushes, pens. .....
People come into the house all the time to shift these items!
A few things that have helped are
*EVIZ cameras (wifi security cams) very reasonable price, see her on my phone
* double "fake" purse ie keys, change, lipstick (not red!)
*Buy bulk...pens, toothbrushes,
*locked her wardrobe
*Lock box for myself
A sneaky spot for only mum to keep her treasures. ...The dryer! She loves it- no thief would think to look there!

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I love your humor! Allowing the hiding activity is good. I think it is such a common issue because it feels satisfying to the aging person to feel in control*.
So a fake set of valuables is great. The real ones are in a locked drawer.
Perhaps the elderly person could have a locked drawer also, with a key on a lanyard, or on a wrist band, for their own hiding needs.

*I had a preschooler with anxiety who needed to hold onto a pair of toy whales while at school. If another child got then he would cry uncontrollably. I let him hide the animals in his cubby. All the stressful behavior and conflict went away.

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How to deal with mom hiding things?

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