How to travel with husband who has to urinate frequently?
My diabetic husband who is not doing what he should for his diabetes (that's another story), eats junk all day, is always thirsty, and consumes an incredible amount of diet drinks and unsweetened tea all day long. He has to go to the bathroom constantly and several times he has not made it in time and wet his pants. He does have some Depends-type products, but he says he can't get them off in time to go to the bathroom and ends up getting urine on his pants anyway. His doctor put him on an overactive bladder med, and it seemed to work for a while, but not so much any more.
Our sons both want us to come visit them this year, and these trips require long plane trips with some stopovers. If he wears a Depends-type brief, should he just pee in them rather than try to make it to the airplane or airport bathroom? Then he would have to change them in an airport, I guess. I think at this point maybe he just can't travel except by car when we could stop every hour. That would mean I would be driving 4 or 5 hours a day for several days. His driving is terrible. I'm not sure I'm up for that.
How do others deal with this?
And plan frequent stops before he has the need to go so he's better able to hold it in. Also pack multiple changes
You can also ask his Dr. to up the dosage of his overactive bladder medicine, as sometimes the body builds up a tolerance to a certain dosage. You can also ask his Dr. to try a different medication as well, as there are several overactive bladder medications on the market. A urologist can also try putting Botox in his bladder to calm it.
It would certainly be a shame to not make these important trips because of hubby's incontinence issues, so I hope you find some solutions that will help.
Driving doesn't seem like an option either since you say his driving is terrible, that would leave all of it up to YOU. Do YOU want to take on such a trip with him and stop the car all the time for his bathroom breaks? These are the questions only you can answer.
If it were me, I'd ask your sons to come visit instead. Even if you have to send them plane tickets, it's cheap at the price to save yourself all the headaches. Just my 2 cents. If you decide to take the trip, best of luck!
End of discussion.
"If Mahomet can't go to the mountain, let the mountain come to Mahomet."
Your DH has uncontrolled diabetes. He is not compliant. He will not change his behaviour, which would help the frequent urination.
This is 100% on him. It is not your problem to solve. But yous sons should be told Dad is not compliant in managing his diabetes, so they are be prepared for the fact he is choosing to die sooner than later. My neighbour did this. Al had weeping ulcers on his legs, he would sit at this computer with junk food spread over his desk. He knew what he was doing and he did not care. Al boasted about how high his blood sugar was, he died shortly after his 60th birthday.
He will not proactively go to the bathroom, but waits until it is an urgent situation.
He wets his pants at home.
He blames Depends on his accidents.
Do you sons know Dad is incontinent? If not, it is time to have a conversation with them. Especially if you would be staying with them. They need to know that Dad will have accidents in their homes.
They also know that any outing planned will be disrupted by Dad's need to pee and accidents while out.
If you plan to stay in a hotel, are you prepared to pay large cleaning fees? If he wets the bed, the floor etc, you will have to pay for the bed to be replaced and floors professionally cleaned.
Is there a reason the kids cannot come to see you?
Is there a reason you cannot go alone? Wouldn't it be nice to see your sons and not have to clean up after DH for a week or so?
Or yes, put hubby in respite care for a week or two and go on the trip alone.
How many ounces of liquid do you think he is drinking per day? Is he on any diuretics? Do any of the drinks he ingests have diuretic properties, like coffee? I hate to say decrease liquids as most elders are usually in danger of dehydration but this just seems excessive!
I would test whether a depend with an insert would absorb all the pee he puts out. If it works, that would be good to know for when there's an inevitable "emergency". Might want to get him on a schedule where he goes to the bathroom every XX minutes as opposed to waiting until he has the urge which is usually going to be too late.
I don't know what med he's on and everyone is different, but my mom was on oxybutinin (sp?) and she definitely had some memory issues due to it so there's that to consider as well.
But the good news is he is now using a Glucose Monitoring device. The Dexcom 6. This thing has really helped him pay attention to what he puts in his mouth. After having a heart attack and attending two cardiac rehabs, he is walking almost every morning and closely monitoring his BP. Because he has had to add a second BP Med, which is basically a water pill, he is constantly going to the bathroom. He traveled a lot for his work before the pandemic and while he didn’t carry his Yeti onboard, he would always have a bottle of water handy and buy a case when he landed.
I know he would cut back on the liquids for the trip. I would check with a urologist to see if there was any other drug your DH could try and see if he would consider a GMD to monitor his blood sugar. My DH resisted it for years. He thought it would hurt. He says it does not bother him at all and he has been pleasantly surprised how much it has influenced his decisions. It’s a bit of trouble (to me) but he has managed it well.
DH’s insurance pays for his and Original Medicare will as well. He isn’t on Medicare yet but he wanted to make sure it was covered by them for the future. I checked and it is covered if your DH is on Medicare and decides to try it.
So I would encourage your DH to chew some gum or some other anxiety remedy while he travels and wear the depends for back up. Maybe he could practice going without the extra liquid between now and the trip. He could try a decaf tea to see if the lack of caffeine would be less dehydrating. A handheld game or an app on his phone might help to keep his mind off of the drinks. Maybe he could try one of the flavored waters to get him off the artificial sweeteners or even carbonated water with a squeeze of lime. If he isn’t willing to try reducing the liquids then maybe it is time for him to stop traveling.
‘There is an antidepressant, Wellbutrin, which is helpful for people trying to quit smoking. He could discuss it with his doctor. It comes in a generic. I suppose it depends on how big of a problem this is to him as to what lengths he would go to in order to try limiting his fluids.
If you prefer to keep this matter more private, he will need to move to Depends or similar when out & about.
The mixed incontinence: urge (involuntary loss) but also functional (managing clothing or mobility issues) makes travel harder, but not impossible.
Some ideas... Well fitting pull-ups can be worn. A booster pad can be worn inside. He can take himself to the toilet regularly & change just the booster pad. This will reduce the risk of pullups underwear getting soaked to capacity & leaking. Take a spare shirt to tie around his waist to hide any visible accidents getting off the plane if need be. Disabled toilets in the airport can be used to assist him changing trousers if required. Carry a 'hygiene' pack with gloves, wipes, spare pullups, trousers, socks & rubbish/ziplock bags.
While I get it is not nice to just say wee in the pad/pullups when he does have control, it's a practical solution & can reduce the stress, rushing & falls risk. Then he can make his way to the toilet (without the stress) to change the booster pad after he goes.
My relative was seen by a Continence Nurse, referred by the Doctor. It was a fantastic service with lots of practical advice. "When cure is not possible, contain is the aim"! That was her motto 😃
If DH doesn’t want anyone told about his ‘problem’, perhaps he has other choices: fix up his diet and fluid intake a week or so before the trip, get your sons to come, or agree that you go alone. This is a very difficult situation, but on the other hand it might be the spur that motivates him to fix up the bad habits.
Me personally, I would not go on a trip with him. Stopping every hour when driving...you'll never get there.
Cut out the diet drinks and tea. I just read that dark soda's are bad for the kidneys. With uncontrolled diabetes, his kidneys are already compromised.
Also, make sure you have and that hubby uses incontinence pads ( disposable and cloth ) for beds and chairs at home and while traveling and visiting.
Also, decreasing fluids can actually be dangerous especially in the summer. It could also cause urinary tract infections.
Also, Google drinks that act as diuretics on the body and avoid. Cheers.
Tell him if he can not get to the bathroom in time to let the pull-up absorb the urine then he can change without the fear of his pants getting wet. He would have to bring another pull-up with him to change. He has to get it to his mindset that it is OK to not "make it to the toilet" and that it is OK to let the brief absorb as it is supposed to do.
There are Condom Catheters he could use during a trip. Ask the doctor about them. It should make a long trip more comfortable for him.
It was not fair for me who arrived at a professional event stinking of a stranger's urine and looking a mess. I don't know what the airline did about the soaked seats as another flight was boarding immediately after ours and though I told the flight attendants, they said there was nothing they could do. The next bunch had to sit in those seats too. Please consider others as well as your own comfort. Thanks and wishing you the best.
Please talk with his doctor about his frequent urination in conjunction with his diabetes. He will be prone to UTIs with a lot of sugar in his urine. This can also make him need to pee a lot and have accidents. He may also have an enlarged prostate which also may make him feel like peeing a lot. There are medications for this as well.
He could also drink less while flying
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