I posted on this forum a month ago. I just wanted to say thank-you for all your help. It really helped me out. I have a questions!
1. How do you deal with your aging parents and it scares you a lot.
2. How do you go about talking to your parents about how dealing with them getting older.
3. How do you help them understand if they keep going the way they do, it could cause serious injuries?
4. Can you tell me how you handled dealing with your elderly parents when they started talking about moving to assisting living, but did not know how to react to it? Tell me your stories so I can better understand what is coming.
Thanks so much for all your help and understanding.
I well remember your last question to us:
(Why do my aging parents continue to be unfair to me? - AgingCare.com.)
I think that there is never ONE way to "deal" with ANY of the situations you mention. If I can come up with the one way I am writing a book! I wonder if a whole lot isn't just luck.
How we "deal" depends on so many factors: our age, mental/physical health. culture, personality, acuity/knowledge, childhood experiences, genetic makeup and 1,000 other factors. Our parents health, attitudes, genetic history, experiences, culture, life experiences, bonding, joy in parenthood, success or lack of same, and more.
Sprinkle in a bit of family dynamics/support, time, personality, geographical location, work history.
Stir well. It's quite a stew.
I often half jokingly say here that the best place for a child that has reached majority is 1,000 miles away from family. In all truth, for the sake of the child, I think that I am correct. One needs not to stay emmeshed in family. I think it isn't healthy. I think we have too much time nowadays to marinate in our own thoughts. I think we perhaps have lost perspective when we moved away from the land, from working it, from going to bed tired, from using our hands. We are too much in our heads. Just my own opinion.
Your own questions won't be answered by how someone else does it, I think. They will come from within, from learning, from approaching with love and an understanding of human limitations. YOUR OWN and theirs as well.
Good luck finding the answers. When you have it all nicely outlined, let me know. I am 82 and time is getting short for me having all the answers.
I think many of us are scared, but maybe you think more sad, and it sounds like your very worried about the future.
Best thing to do is take it day by day, none of use know what tomorrow will bring. We could walk outside and a tree could fall on us. Death is inevitable. It's something we all at one time or another have to face.
Maybe if you educate yourself on aging and any physical issues your parents have and educate your self on dementia, then you will have better tools and feel better educated if and when something happens. I would also read AC often, a lot of good information on here, everyday.
As for talking to your parents, I think that all depends on your family dynamics. I'm not sure if your alone in this or if you will have others in your family that would help. Does anyone have POA , power of attorney, If not I would talk to your parents and ask them who they would want and suggest it maybe that time to think about it , if anything happens to them.
That's a start anyways. It's really good to be thinking of all this now. Take care.
Therefore, I wasn't scared about them getting older, I pretty much knew it was going to happen. It could be because they were active into their late 80's doing volunteer work, walking 2 miles each day, busy with their vegetable garden, etc. Now, the driving part did worry me, but after Dad damaged two tires, each on a separate occasion, it was time for him to stop driving. Then what? I became their driver which wasn't easy as I was now a senior myself and no longer liked driving. I couldn't get Mom to learn to use a taxi as she didn't like to ride with strangers even if Dad was in the car with her.
Actually I was the one who mentioned senior living, and Dad would have packed in a New York minute, but Mom wasn't about to leave the house that she and Dad owned. It wasn't until after Mom had passed that I realize her being hesitant to move was probably due to her failing eyesight. A new place would have been very difficult for her to find things. In her house she knew were everything was located blindfolded. Wish she would have communicated that to me.
My Dad was a sweetheart, he wanted caregivers to come in to help him (Mom refused when she was alive), and the caregiveres just loved him as he was so easy going. Later it was his idea to move to a "rest home" as the house was now too much for him to maintain which he loved to do himself, but at 90+ he couldn't. He love his room at the "rest home", he felt more independent being there.
Learn from your parents on what to do and what not to do when you get older. Make mental notes. Things that would drive you nuts, make sure you don't do the same. It's an interesting reality journey.