They don’t want me to have power of attorney and even though I have a letter from his doctor stating his diminished capability of making legal and financial decisions they refuse to accept the fact that I am making those decisions for him. Legally do I have to get their approval or can a decision be made in spite of it? I have tried to compromise but nothing I try to explain is accepted even after giving them hard evidence. I’m at my wits end and I am OK with them going off the deep end. According to his investment manager who has reviewed the document there are no limitations and backs me 100%. I just need to know what my legal obligations are if any relating to my siblings. Please help
Ok...so....stop talking about anything having to do with his money or assets. If they bring up the topic...just say “I have a legal obligation to keep his financial business private”. Say nothing more about it and change the subject. Repeat this phrase as often as the topic comes up, If they continue after a few times of hearing this from you (and nothing else) you could then Walk away or hang up whenever the topic is brought up.
It rather sounds as though your father made a carefully considered choice, there.
When you say "extreme opposition" - what are your siblings doing to oppose your decisions?
I first did this with my sister's Trust, when I was challenged. So monthly I e-mailed that month's spread sheet with work done, time spent, miles and out of pocket expenditures. Questions were still asked, making it clear the individual wasn't even bothering to read the spread sheets.
So I said that the spreadsheets were explanations; READ THEM before you waste my time calling again! Harrassment stopped.
Spotlover, I suspect though that your siblings are jealous, and want to make decisions but I'll bet they don't want the responsibility of carrying out those decisions. I suspect, as with me, it was harrassment perhaps arising from jealousy.
(I also made it clear I would charge for the duplicate inquiries and the eventual distributions would reflect the (harrassment) inquiries.
Ensure you have an effective paperwork system so it's easy to store and find any piece of paper. (PM me if you'd like ideas. I'm happy to share.)
When I left my home and moved in with Mom as her caregiver, the dynamic changed. My sisters turned into Full Narcissists and took delight in arguing everything and criticizing everything I did. It was hell.
Then the accusations of theft started and their torment got even worse. After Mom's death, when Mom's lawyer got involved with "elder abuse" accusations the only thing that saved me was I had receipts for everything, and I documented actions or transfers that were out of the ordinary. I had a great filing system that helps project a "professional" work ethic (and saved a lot of time). Everything was documented to the hilt.
When Sister 2 questioned me with a list of questionable transfers (with answers demanded by Mom's attorney) I audio-taped our conversation. It's in my safe. The tape recorded all the questions and my answers and S2's on-speaker phone conversation to S1 to tell her everything was "on the up and up" and she was satisfied nothing was wrong.
My cautionary tale is that harassment could get worse. Certainly, you're doing your level best to handle all Father's business strictly correctly. Document like crazy. While Father's business is your primary focus, you must protect yourself.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this tough situation and it's being made tougher. Best wishes to you.
IF these siblings want to cause you trouble, however, they may try. They may haul out their OWN lawyer, and try to demand an accounting, claiming in court that they suspect you of all sorts of financial things.
Keep meticulous letters and diaries. The diaries should be hand written in ink with no tear outs (strike through mistakes and initial). They should describe a brief note on your day, what you did if anything to represent your Father's affairs; for me with my brother, simple as his estate is, I have had all SORTS of things come up, from disposal of his demolished truck problems to insurance company things. The diary has benefited me, but also is a record. Then, as to all his records, I keep them carefully divided in manila envelopes, and in a VERY attractive wine box in my room where they reside altogether and easily grabbed to show what rentals I have paid, what bills, and etc. Everything is there. Record keeping, checks your wrote, to whom, copies of checks you wrote for him all should be there. As I said, METICULOUS records. These, if you are ever drawn into court, go with you, and the appearance will be brief.
But be sure you keep a record of everything, and of every call you receive from this group, because you may need it.
Sorry the sibs are being an annoyance, because even on an easy estate, none of this is easy. There are visits to post office for forwarding, the constant confusion of creditors, the constant copying of documents, the changing of address for everything. It is NOT an easy task. If I had a sibling I TRUSTED (I have no other sibs) I would hand over this stuff in a second. It has taken 6 months to bring it all together in some organized way.
Reread the POA, find the clause on maintaining privacy, or if you can't find it, contact the attorney who drafted it and ask for a letter to the siblings reiterating that you serve as your father's behest, not their's.
And don't bother telling them anything further. It's not your obligation to keep them informed.
No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you do not need their approval and you can make a decision in spite of it. You're acting in behalf of your father as if you were your father himself. That's the kind of authority that he has given you. He trusted you with this not them. So take the authority granted to you by the POA and move full steam ahead!