Blended family question: 92 yr. old man who is not yet incapacitated, designated his daughter as his durable POA. Daughter does not get along with his wife, her step mother. Recently, the man asked his wife's children to move her into assisted living. It was her children's understanding that they both were at an age where they needed help due to falls and weakness. The man told her children that he would provide a set amount of money to her and that he would be moving in with his daughter.
Her children moved her however, he did not move, and he asked his durable POA daughter to move in with him.
She is taking care of his paperwork, bills, etc. He did not disclose to his wife the amount of assets they had together - only an amount that he designated for her. We, her children, are puzzled. Did he buy her out of his will? Does she have more assets available to her? If something were to happen to him, can the daughter withhold those assets? Do we need to obtain a lawyer for her?
You need lawyer or your mother does, any spouse has every right to full financial disclosure.
There are many unanswered questions here, and it seems to me that there’s something else going on here especially with your stepsister being involved. How long was your mother married to your stepfather? Did your mother work and is she entitled to Social Security benefits? Did your stepfather own the home before his marriage to your mother? If your stepfather owned this home before the marriage and he did not commingle his asses/home with your mother then the home and his assets belong to him only and your mother cannot claim any rights to what he owned before the marriage.
As everyone here on this forum has advised you, you need to speak to an attorney. If your mother did not work and she did not pay into Social Security, perhaps your mother would be able to collect Social Security on her husband’s earnings if he paid into Social Security. Seek the advice of a matrimonial attorney who would examine all of your stepfather’s assets to see what your mother is entitled to. Also, this whole thing sounds to me like your stepfather might be planning to divorce your mother.
The daughter's Durable POA only means she can manage her father's finances if it is medically determined that he is unable to do this for himself. If the daughter is doing paper work and paying his bills now, that is just a convenience arrangement between the two of them. Father can have anyone he wants to help with papetwork. That does not give his daughter personal access to his accounts or assetts. She does not have that power even now when her father fan make his own decisions. She is currently just his "secretary."
"He did not disclose to his wife the amount of assets they had together - only an amount that he designated for her." Did the man not disclose to HER or to HER children?
"Recently, the man asked his wife's children to move her into assisted living." This does not indicate that the woman is incapacitated. Only that she was no longer able to live in their home. I'm assuming this was originally under the plan for him to move in with his own daughter and she would need to have somewhere to live without him.
It then sounds like plans either changed (or were potentially never in place to begin with) and they decided instead to stay there and have his daughter move in and take care of him.
Is this home in THEIR names or did he own it before they got married? Should he be buying her out of her portion in order to stay? She would be entitled to half of any assets that they shared from THEIR marriage. Unless of course there was some prenuptial agreement that superseded. Anything they each brought into the marriage would belong to them alone in most cases. He can't just decide he is going to designate a certain amount to her and keep everything else if she is entitled to more. So a lawyer would definitely be prudent.
But based on the way that the post is written, I'm not sure that either party is actually incapacitated yet. It just sounded like they were both needing more care than they could help each other with, and maybe a little bit of a fast one was pulled in order to get the stepmother out of the house in order for the father and stepdaughter to remain there.
ALWAYS contact an attorney vs relying on responses here, which are specific to their own situation / circumstances / and other legal considerations.
These family relationships are or can be very stressful / sticky ... although I believe the bottom line is who has legal authority.
Gena / Touch Matters
If something smells fishy, it probably is.
Hire an attorney immediately to protect your mother.
Keep posting it will help.
The POAs for the WIFE, I assume her OWN children should attend an elder law attorney and bring suit on father for division on finances, legal separation, whatever is required. The father will be allowed to keep his finances he had prior to this second marriage that he has not melded with his current wife's finances separate of any division of finances.
No POA EVER EVER EVER under any circumstances is able to change a will.
The point here is that you have the children of one spouse and the children of another spouse at war over financials when one of the spouses IS incapacitated.
This isn't DIY stuff. You cannot do it yourself.
This is a LEGAL question and requires an attorney to give options. As Dr Laura observes, these usually aren't blended families so much as they are a messy salad. You need to seek expert legal advice.
Again, remember that marital assets have legal definitions. They are assets accumulated during the life of the marriage or melded, say in the joint ownership of a home. They do not include assets held separately, earned before the marriage, not melded. Again, these are legal questions. Whomever is seeing an attorney for the now incompetent wife will need guardianship or conservatorship or POA for her and will need access to assets. I doubt this will be forthcoming other than by legal action.