My mother, 86, chronic gambler, regularly waking me up in the AM on work nights, after coming home from 10 hour gambling stints, and driving on suspended license. I was staying with her, off and on, because my ranch is 300miles+ away. She constantly asks for help, migrant, cannot read/write English. As an only child, I have been running my parents' paperwork since childhood. She is my adoptive mother, and I've documented with a govt body, what my parents put me through, including my father grabbing the breasts of my friend at my 21st in front of others, and my mother falsely accusing me of everything under the sun including that I was a "prostitute" and that I faked my university degree. Financial abuse also.
After being abruptly awoken by her 2 years back (AM), after I had been asleep for 3 hours, I yelled at her about the gambling. I did not touch mum, and then she reported me to the police. She got me kicked out of her home, and I had to pack 15 boxes overnight. This is after years of threats, "i'll kick you out".
Prior to this, mum was opening the door of my work-area/bedroom, when I was there for 2 weeks, and she started yelling at me in work meetings and when I was with my psychology clients, and I was reprimanded by my manager (email). Ultimately, I then got fired, for the first time in my life.
My mum will never ever come to you, you need to go to her. I've spent over 3 decades driving to them, all on my petrol when I always lived in a remote area. You need millions to buy a home where mum is.
Then my mum had her neighbour text me, to try and make contact, and a letter saying "sorry" and begging me to "please come back now, I need you to do things for me". I could not bare going back, so I didn't for 7 months.
During this time, I was maliciously prosecuted by police, and this was in reaction to the ongoing complaints I made to them about my removal from mum's place, as the police removed me but due to my mum's poor English, she didn't understand the conditions of 1 yr exclusion. The police then tampered with "text message" evidence, as confirmed by a certified expert witness, and tried to take me for 28 yrs of "fake" crimes. The Magistrate threw it out of court and I got all my legal fees paid back, and I'm currently taking civil action against police. My mum did nothing to try and stop the charges, despite having relayed to her through a 3rd party, that one police said she could go to police and talk with them. Mum was more than happy to say "come back, I need your help", but did NOTHING to try and save me from these fake charges....
What I suffered was: suicidality, full breakdown; loss of job etc. I am 2 years behind, and I live on 2 hectares. Currently, if I don't find work I could lose my home. Any compensation would not come through for 6 month. I'm single, never married.
I also developed type 1 diabetes, autoimmune type, specialist said "Stress" triggered this.
About 6 weeks ago, I spoke to 2 of mum's best friends of 45 years, they too have become disgusted with mum, and these 2 ladies support me.
They said to me "you have been taken off your mother's will and your son (my mum's only grandchild) has been placed there instead", with 1 cousin and her husband now a POA and executor of the will. They also said that the cousins had now infiltrated the home, in so far as the cousin was taking mum's keys for days at a time, while in hospital, entering the family home. POA, had nearly 2 decades of alienation from mum up to recently.
Mum's recent hospital stay: POA (cousins) offered limited support (pay bills/shopping).
Myself I went back and did the 24/7, for 2 months.
My mum though, keeps making constant threats, "i'll kick you out", "i'll send you away", every 2-3 days now. This is DIRECTLY after I refuse an unrealistic demand to do something "immediately" after I've already helped that day for hours, never if we are fighting. I'm getting sick again and 700miles driving each week.
Good luck to you.
Is it okay if you die of these serious health issues which are exacerbated by your mother?
You owe her nothing. NOTHING. Save yourself.
The Diabetes type 1 is genetic, and not caused by stress, tho stress certainly DOES exacerbate any illnesses we have. Life is full of stress, and that's why we have to take charge of clearing out all the stress we are able from our lives. Only you can make those choices for yourself.
Immigrant communities usually have excellent resources, but few know how to access them. I would try this AARP hotline for volunteer advice for your area. It is 888-281-0145. They will ask for a callback time that works for you, and ask what area you live in. A volunteer will then call you to let you know if they have any community resource local services and organizations they can refer either you, or Mom and you to.
Best of luck. Take care of yourself.
I understand that from all the destruction your mother has caused you, that it's now negatively impacted you financially - and you're trying to rebuild. Could that be the reason that you're staying in contact with her - due to now being in a financial hardship and needing to be in a will? Is there a financial dependence on her because of what she's put you through? I do understand that, if that's the case - but, she sounds like the kind of person who causes more harm than anything else...and also someone you can never trust - so in essence, you need to really think about how having her in your life could be any benefit to you at all at this point.
She is unpredictable and she just sounds so malicious. I hope you are always protective of yourself with her - and if you can at all - stay away from her. If it's just for financial purposes to remain in contact, she's the kind of person who would wind up making matters worse for you in the end anyway.
Wishing you all the very best in rebuilding your life - which you'll be successful with.
Sounds to me Mom adopted u to be her slave. You have to stand up for yourself and break the abuse.
Oh, Toni. There is a glutton for punishment - and then there is this. And for so many people - THIS comes from years of abuse and conditioning to believe that you deserve this, and that THIS is what SHOULD be happening to you. But it's not. Toni, you do not deserve this. Your mother...and I'm using that term very loosely and very begrudgingly - does not deserve to have you coming back into her life to help her. And just because she adopted you, it does not mean that you owe her anything.
In fact, I'm beginning to think that whomever agreed to let this woman adopt didn't bother to check into her very thoroughly whatsoever, if they signed off on allowing her to adopt a child.
Please stop this madness and get away from her. Find yourself a good therapist who specializes in helping adult children of abuse heal, someone who can help you work through these dichotomous feelings that you have between feeling like you should help your mother (that is a normal "child" reaction) and feeling like you have to protect yourself from your mother (that is NOT a normal "child reaction). She is manipulating you.
You deserve better!! You deserve so much more!!
Are your actions fixing your Mum?