She's totally mad at me almost everytime, she ask me something as if she's a dictator or something it is almost absurd or forceful, she calls me and I kept answering but can't hear me so I'm really forced to make my voice louder but when everytime I do that she gets mad at me and threatens me, she ask me to call relatives but they don't come everytime I do (I wanna say it frank that they only come when they need something but it might get me into trouble)... I followed my other relative's advice to be patient but it seems everytime I do, my problems just kept piling up I have to think of school and household chores. I've been taking care of her for 3-4 years. My parents are working so I'm really all for it. My mental health is breaking down. Well I'm still grateful for thing's she have done to us so I can't do much anything but to be patient but I can't contain my pain so sometimes I unknowingly snap at her.
You are 17 years old and still in education. You and your parents, who both work, are living in your aunt's house (?) with your 61 (!) year old aunt who has diabetes and sleep disorder. She may have other needs, but at 61 whatever decline she is experiencing can't really be said to be aged-related (she's quite a bit too young for that).
And since you were 13 or 14 you have become the household gopher. If your parents want you to succeed in your education, this has got to stop. A reasonable share of chores, housework, and - sure, why not? - attention for your aunt might be fair enough but clearly this is beginning to be too much for you and the family structure will break down.
What have you said to your parents about it? What have they said to you? And is your aunt your father's or your mother's sister? Why is your family living with her, and is that what you agree you should feel grateful for, a roof over your head?
First, you are a minor who is being forced to be the solution for this very adult problem (and many adults can barely solve problems such as this one).
Your situation may be made worse due to cultural pressures (females do the caregiving, elders are cared for by the selected female) AND possibly your Grandma's citizen status/language barriers, and money problems.
At 61, she is way too young to have dementia... BUT she could have mental illness or Alzheimers. She *must* be taken to a doctor (by your parents) to get a full physical exam in order to discount other health problems that can create the symptoms she is having (behavioral). Many of these are treatable. Tumor, UTI, thyroid, dehydration, over- or under- dosage of medication (like sleeping pills or pain meds), vitamin deficiency, and others.
ALZ is a disease that is not easily diagnosed. It doesn't get better with "patience". First, all other causes need to be elimiinated. A neurologist could give her a brain scan to see definitively that there is evidence of ALZ, but only after all other causes are explored.
You are going to have to insist to your family that you are not the best solution for this situation. If you have a hard time convincing them, it may be time to contact social services for your county or APS (Adult Protective Services) to assess her as a vulnerable adult.
If you keep cooperating with your family, your Aunt won't get the help she really needs, and she will only continue to get worse and the pressure on you and your family to provide her care will soon overwhelm everyone. Therefore, you must protect your young self. Leave the home and stay with a friend. Don't go back until your parents have a different solution that doesn't include you. Yes, they will be mad for a while but you were wise enough to come to this forum for support and answers and we would never recommend leaving unless your situation was really that dire. Have your parents read the answers to your post so they hear it from others who have lived it. Wishing you success in protecting yourself!
You are being used not only by your aunt but by your family as well. She is more than capable of taking care of herself, as she has no major health issues, and you need to just step back and tell your family that you just can't keep enabling your aunt when she is more than capable of caring for herself.
And if they don't agree, then you must insist that they themselves take on her care as you can no longer as it's too detrimental to your mental health.
And in case you don't already know this I will remind you....YOUR AUNT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILTY, NOR WILL YOUR PARENTS EVER BE.
Don't ever forget that!
When you are 18 I think that you should move our of the home of this "aunt".
You don't mention why a person 61 needs the care of a 17 year old, or who decided that this is how it should be, but whomever they are they are being abusive in asking you to care for the needs of a 61 year old.
How long are you expected to care for her? She has a good 30 years of life left. Are you to sacrifice your life to her? What are your wages for this care? What is so wrong with Aunt that she cannot get a job and take care of herself?
I would ask to speak to my school counselor now if your family is requiring you to be slave labor to an adult. There are rules against child labor in this nation.
I sure wish you the best. When you are 18 go for higher education; start looking into applications for scholarships now. At the very least get a job and move out, renting a room somewhere. You need to get away from this crew or they will swallow up your life.
Well, good time to learn how to stand up for yourself. You need to talk to your parents and tell them this is effecting you. If they aren't going to do something about it you can. Except this woman is going to be mad all the time and let it run off ur back. Look up the "grey rock method" and see if its something you can use. You literally ignore her. You do what you need to but you ignore her. When she asks you to call relatives, hand her the phone. Be nice but don't respond to her yelling. If she has a hearing problem get as close as you can and have her look at you. You'd be surprised how much we lip read without training. My Mom used to say "wait till I put on my glasses so I can hear what your saying" Keep it short.
I have a feeling this is a cultural thing. I do advise you to get a good education. Get a good job after High School. If u expected to continue to care for Aunt, you may need to move out and find someone who will give u a room. There areva few posts, one I rember, the person is 37 and wants a life and has no way if knowing how to get one because all they have done is care for someone. Your Aunt is not your responsibility but to end it, you have to be willing to be on ur own.