Easter has long been a stressful and sad time in my family. We've lost several loved ones around this time of year in the past. I just don't look forward to it at all. My memories of Easter weekends are not good for the most part. So...here we are... Easter just around the corner and I'm beyond stressed again. And feeling guilty for not wanting to do anything with family. My husband and I don't have any kids to enjoy the holiday with. So, sometimes we just do our own thing. But, this year I'm feeling more stressed than usual for some reason. And all my stress and anxiety goes right to my stomach. My brother never has to worry about stuff like this. I just tell him what time we are eating for any holiday and he shows up. He's single. Not a care in the world...but the holidays, etc. always fall on me. Just needed to vent, I guess....thanks for listening.
and how he hasn’t had a weekend in three weeks! I tried to contain myself, but he continued with such comments and I lost it! We had a loud argument, I told him not to bother coming over on Saturday nor on Easter. As soon as he left he called my mom and whined to her.
I could hear him because she had him on speakerphone and I have two monitors on at all times to hear my mom if she needs help. I told her what he said about his “life” and she defended HIM
and told ME to “grow up! “. (I am 60, he is 62) He does the least, gets the most, and it has always been that way. I attempted to talk with my mom about this twice and both times it did not turn out well. She does not see me and she does not hear me, nor does she acknowledge or appreciate all that my husband and I do for her. She takes, he takes, and yet I am the one taking care of her! Ironically, right after this happened the AL where she was on a waiting list called with an opening. So far, she is willing to go there, we have about two weeks to get things ready for her to move. Fingers crossed she will not change her mind. I will never kick her out. I have an unreasonable sense of duty and obligation, but I’m not sure we can do this long term. As it is, the AL facility is near our house so we will still be doing the bulk of anything she will need. It is sad that our relationship has to be this way, But reading the posts here, narcissistic, self absorbed, and manipulative mothers seem to be the norm. And favoritism of sons over daughters ( who do the work ) as well.
It helps to know this, but is so wrong nevertheless. Thanks for listening! I tried to restrain myself because there is soooooo much history here. Take care.
Is OK with you that your brother comes? Do you invite him or does he just "drop in?" Venting is not a bad thing - Do you discuss your unhappiness with your husband? Is he supportive?
I would only add that if your unhappiness is ongoing, that possibly seeing a counselor may be helpful for you, That can help you develop some ways to deal with the stress.
After all that work, I couldn't even enjoy the meal. That was just for my family. My Mom would have up to 14 in her kitchen. This was for years. Christmas all she did was bake. My Aunt she would give one of those Charlie Potato Chips tins full of cookies. I asked her why she went thru all that trouble...for you kids. Me, I don't do anything I can't enjoy doing. Since my daughter is an RN and early on worked Christmas so others could be home for their kids, I started just having Lasagna, a nice salad, bread and homemade cookies. That way if she was running late, easy heat up. That daughter has picked up the gauntlet where Mom is concerned. She does the holiday meals and invites family and friends. Everyone brings a side or dessert. We eat, mingle a little and leave. Today, no plans. Not Church goers. Daughter is in training so not doinging anything.
Nugget, doubt if you canceled so hope your day will go smoothly. Happy Easter.
One daughter is camping with her boyfriend mid-state forest, the other is studying for a test tomorrow as she starts an ER nursing program, after years in oncology. Son and wife moved to Arizona and are probably out hiking again. And so I am at home with 97 y.o. mom who is sleeping in this morning. Sadly we haven't been to church in years but will definitely watch the Facebook church service for the one we used to go to. I have been getting us ready to go on a cruise end of the week, so we will be home today, not dressing and going out to eat. But I am ok with that. I do miss the days of Easter egg hunts, church, and out to eat. But that's ok this year, because I have the privilege of helping mom at this time of her life. I am just living in the present today.
And I wish all of you a very Happy Easter... may it always be with us in our Hearts!!
This 24/7 caregiving gig has smothered any desire that I had for holidays, my birthday, Mother's Day, etc. We do Thanksgiving and Christmas at my home because I can't leave my mother, so most of it falls on me and frankly I'm over it. So I'm fine with being able to skip Easter.
I now have church on my own. I listen to J. Vernon McGee on Thru the Bible every morning as he goes through the Bible.
All of that to say .... life changes in unexpected ways and is short. Do what you can and let the rest go.
I'm struggling too with a decision to go to my joyful church celebration or go to a small chapel service with my brother at his nursing home. My brother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but I'm pretty sure he has had it for years. He relates to nothing. He recognizes me, but that's about it. It depresses me to be with him, yet I am the only relative he has and the only person who can bring him some Easter "brightness." I will visit my brother today as much for myself as for him. I know it's a cliche, but I ask myself, "What would Jesus do today?" I truly believe He will provide grace for whatever we feel we need to do or wherever we feel we need to be this Easter. Have a blessed day....in whatever way works for you.
Folks I have fond memories of being dressed to the hilt, white gloves, patent leather shoes and a hat. I was 5 at the time. Loved every minute of it. We had the Easter egg hunt in the backyard. Easter Vigil at Church, the buffet spread in our home for years. Mom was a full-time homemaker, 2 brothers and a sister,
lots of nieces and nephews.
Most of my friends, job opportunities, in life have come from my Church. I would be lost without it.
Fast forward I'm in my 50's now. The family home was sold after dad died. Who passed, got divorced, moved out-of-state. However, I bought tulips at the supermarket for people I know who are stuck in a nursing home.
I also bought an Easter sweet bread cut it up and bought plates and Easter cellophane and passed it out to the neighbors, especially those who live alone and wake up Easter morning solo. They can have their bread with their morning coffee.
Every person loved it. Of course, I went to dad's grave on Palm Sunday and bought him a plant and palm, again passed out palm to the neighbors who can't get out.
I also bought a pineapple rice pie at the bakery plugged in (2) coffee pots (regular & decaf) and invited (2) ladies over. One from Church, one from the neighborhood. My mother has Lewy Body, she can't go anywhere for a long period of time. Turns out the (2) ladies I invited attended the same college. They had a great time. A simple piece of pie and coffee and sit and chat--keep it simple. You need people but there wasn't a lot of clean up.
Next you can go on egreetings 123 and send out free Easter cards for those out-of-state.
If your burnt out from cooking and basically waiting on everyone else who thinks perhaps they are doing you a favor by showing up, why not order ham dinners from a restaurant, and dine at home. Again, vase of tulips on the table, etc. You get it. If you want company later invite them for dessert.
Things change and you have to go with it. You take the good memories with you. Last night I watched the Easter Vigil from the Vatican on tv live from Rome. Today the Church Eucharistic Minister will come with Communion and a Bulletin for my mother. They, too, will receive a pot of tulips that they can enjoy today and plant the bulbs in September.
Mom has to stay local but she is happy because the Easter Bunny bought her some new sunglasses! He is so practical! I'm going to Skype (free) my relatives in FL and my closest (4) cousins all received Easter cards in the mail. One emailed me yesterday and said she just got in from ICU hospital stay and received my card and was happy to hear from us. Don't underestimate the power of the pen. Especially those who live alone and are out-of-state.
Things change but don't deprive yourself of Easter. It is a big deal. He is Risen, Christ died on the Cross for you. It's reason to celebrate.
Good News--Jesus is Risen, he has risen from the dead!
Hope this helped...
Have a Blessed Easter everyone and much love to all of you! xoxo
Years ago, before I learned to say the No word, here's how one Easter went down for me while I was the primary care giver for my mother with late stage cancer. Sister and brother didn't get along very well at the time. So, silly me, I said I would make two (yes two) seperate Easter dinners so they could have some sort of holiday with Mom and not be around each other. I made, from scratch, two entirely differnt meals for them and their kids. Mom thought it was great. Of course no one offered to bring any thing-although I should have asked, but hey, I wanted everyone to have a nice time. Meal one was glazed ham, vegetables, baked potatoes and cake for dessert. Meal two was salmon, vegetables, rice and pie. The meals were four days apart. So, I was busy. It was a blur, but got through it.
Now, years later, I have learned to say no, never again to cooking like that now for anyone who will be visiting us-and dealing with my husband's dementia. I've ordered take out, gone to restaurants. Have had to repeat to my husband (ya know-dementia) that I am not cooking, cleaning (ya know, the company coming kind of cleaning stuff) for anyone this time around as a caregiver. I simply can not do it. It's too much. Nor do people care, they think all we do is while away the hours as we enjoy the blissful state of caring (insert angelic music here) for those who can't care for themselves. Magically making everything run smoothly, gracefully and with joy in our hearts always doing everything perfectly.
Two weeks ago, made a brunch reservation for the two of us at a very nice local restaurant for Easter. Don't know what they'll be serving, food has been very good in the past, and am quite sure we will have a very nice time.
Easter is autumn here, and the weather is usually very pleasant. Many many families go away camping for the weekend, and the rivers are often lined with tents. Easter Sunday lunch is normally a very simple BBQ. Tea with grandma perhaps, but I don’t know anyone who even thinks about catering for 25 relations.
Whatever you do, I hope you all manage to enjoy yourselves.
Do what you want. Order out, rent a movie and enjoy ur day.
You do not need the extra stress.
My husband and I will go to early church and grab breakfast. We have children & grandchildren but everyone is doing their own things. My daughter's MIL, 65, was killed in a car accident in December. I just had a mild stroke @ 65 & am having heart surgery in a month. Need peace and rest now.
We care for my mom 85 & his aunt 93 and they both have sitters part time at their homes.
Too much right now.
Time for your brother to grow up and put on big boy pants. He can make a reservation or bring take out or cook for the four of you just as easily as you can.
Tell him how tired you are just like you did here on this forum. If he really cares for you as a sister he'll get it.