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My name is Joshua. I'm 20. I work part-time and live with parents. I found this site by chance and signed up to ask this: is it elder abuse to NOT provide the elder with a cellphone ? Now currently, he does have one, but he can only call 911 in case of emergency. But that's not good enough for the elder, he wanted me to buy a brand new phone. I said no. Had the cops called on me about 5 times. Out of two visits, I've been threatened with elder abuse if I don't provide the elder a phone with access besides the 911 number. Are the cops in the right? Because I'm tired of being threatened by both them AND the elder about this phone business. I'm very, very tired.

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I may be off base here, but if I were you, Josh, I’d get the cantankerous old you-know-what a burner phone. Load it with one of those cards with minutes from Walmart and when he uses those up, too bad. You’ve gotten him a phone as per the “police order”. If he uses up the minutes on nuisance calls, that is on him. If he keeps calling the police, they have to come out. They can’t complain because THEY were the ones who said he has to have a phone. They will see he’s not being abused or neglected. And you and Mom will be in the clear. It doesn’t have to be an iPhone X.

Cover your own behind by getting him the burner phone. Then just sit back while the police wear a path to your door.
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anonymous859007 Nov 2018
I like that. I'll keep that in mind, just incase.
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I have the funny feeling there is a lot missing in this post. Who is “the elder”. Is it a grandparent? Parent? And why would the police care if “the elder” had a phone? He’s able to call for help, as if he had a Life Alert. So where does the “abuse”:come in?

Is Josh the Elder’s Caregiver? If he is, why is a 20 year old caregiving and financially responsible for the Elder?

Am I missing something here?
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anonymous859007 Nov 2018
I am Josh. The elder is my dad, and to be technical, the care-giver is my mom, but since I live there too, and since it is just me and her, I help caring for my dad whenever I can. The police showed up once when my mom was not at home and during that visit they 'advised' me that I should get him a cell phone because if I didn't, I'd be denying him access to the outside world, and other numbers beside 911, which is a form of elder abuse, according to what one of them said. I assume they 'threaten' me, was because I'm an adult, young and still learning the ways of the world, but still an adult, and I was the only one at home at that one visit from them(the police). But the latest visit from the police, that pair were much more aggressive in 'defending' the elder's(my dad's) rights and were practically proclaiming that we HAVE to give him one because it's our responsibility, me mom's, because she's the legal care-taker, me, because I live at the home too, and I'm an adult...I guess. We told those more aggressive cops, "No," so they said, while we walked away from them, they will filed a claim for elder abuse against my mom, which is the whole point I've found this site by chance and posted my question. And lastly, the main reason we won't give him a cell phone is because he is a trouble-maker and had always threaten us to have the cops come to the house before when he had a disagreement with me or my mother. Now he still does it with this cell phone he has now....
I'm sure you are thinking, "Might as well that that new cell phone," but as you've guessed earlier, there is more to the story.
The only reason he has that one phone that only calls 911 is because a nicer cop had told us that was good enough, least he had something in case of an emergency. I'm burned out, if I miss anything, feel free to let me know and I'll gladly clarify.
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Hi Josh,

I live in California, and your situation may be seen as preventing your father from having the ability to communicate with others at his own will. This would be considered socially isolating your father and yes, this is seen as a form of elder abuse.
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rovana Nov 2018
But you mean to say that Josh is obliged to pay for this out of his own pocket?  It is one thing to prevent, but quite another to simply refuse to help someone to whom you have in fact no legal obligation. Josh is not a guardian, does not even have a POA.  If father wants a phone, let him arrange for it and pay for it himself.  The problem here is that Dad is making all sorts of nuisance calls and seems to be threatening to "report" Josh and his mother for abuse. Now no one needs that kind of harassment...so how would one legally protect themselves? 
If it were me, I'd make the situation clear to the cops, 911, etc. and tell them to control Dad.  Good luck there... Seems there is really no clear path to follow legally to deal with this. So I'd make it clear that he had not been declared incompetent, had rights, and therefore they should deal direct with him, and leave me out of it, since I have in fact no enforcement power. If it were a question of false accusations I would act to protect myself - talk to a lawyer, Area Agency on Aging or similar and all else failing, finally separate myself from Dad so that no accusations could be made.   Accusations are very serious business.  I don't think the family is trying to isolate Dad, just protect him from himself.
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Looks like you all live together. If there is a landline then he doesn't need a cell phone. If no landline I suggest you get Dad an emergency button. When he pushes it an operator comes on. She will determine if his call is an emergency. You and Mom can request that you be called before operator calls 911. Then you can get rid of the 911 only phone.

You call this man Dad. Is he your father or Grandfather. Has his illness effected his ability to make informed decisions? Does Mom have POA?
Is he living with u or him with you?

I would start with Office of Aging. Approach the situation that with you both working you are not able to give or afford the care he needs.
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Why would this elder need a new cell phone for? I think if he/she has a cell phone that he/she can call 911 should be go enough.

You could get a prepaid new cell phone that way no cell phone bill and no contact and if possible one that is simple (no apps).

I wouldn't think this would fall under elderly abuse. But I don't know if there are details missing or something.

Good luck
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Josh, do as tacy recommends and get him a free government phone.

In Arizona repeated calls to 911 for no emergency reason can get you charged with wasting public resources and it is pretty serious.

If your dad is abusive, and threatening you and mom because he didn't get his way, is abuse. May be time to get him placed in a facility.

You are a good man to be helping your mom with this difficult situation. My hats off to you.

Just be sure and try to not give him all of your young life, many people feel entitled to be the center of the universe at everyone's expense, encourage your mom to get him help or placement. No one deserves to live with abuse. Between her and you, you can change this situation and not have to deal with a tyrant.

Let us know what you get figured out.

Hugs 2 u and mom for not throwing him to the curb.
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Do they really have phones where you can adjust them so you can only call certain numbers on it? Numbers programmed into the phone? Because, if so, where can I get one? Target? Walmart? I will have to get him one, because I don't want to get in trouble by 'isolating' him. Least he'll have something. By the way everyone, my Dad is 67, and the three of us live in a two-bedroom apartment. Me and Dad have the rooms, Mom sleeps in the dinner room on her bed. I work very early in the morning either 4:30am or 6:am and I'm usually home by 10 or 11:30am. Mom starts work around 2 or 3pm.

Point is, my Dad is never home alone. The only time he's alone is when my mom drives me to work or to my doctor, because I don't have a driver's license as of yet. With the latter, he would only be alone for an hour plus some minutes. And we always tell him when we go out.
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JoAnn29 Nov 2018
Yes, like said I have a Tracfone and a simple android. I have it set up that only contacts ring thru. All other calls go to voicebox. You can set VB with a password only you know. Outgoing calls can be set up as contacts only.
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My experience with patients with MS is that there is usually depression associated with it.
Has Dad always been depressed and been abusive? If this is the case there is little chance he will change now especially since MS is a progressive disease.
If he had not picked on needing an expensive cell phone as something to demand it would have been something else.
Of course he does not need it. He can perfectly well communicate with a simple flip phone if he wants to talk to people.
I would have thought a cheap laptop would have suited his needs better.
It does not matter who paid for the original phone, you can pick them up for a few $s and reload the minutes. I use a well advertised senior plan than costs me total $21 a month with unlimited calls.
Is Dad calling you and/or Mom at work and causing problems? I am not quite sure what the issue is. You can certainly turn off your phones when you are working.
Did one of you just get an expensive I phone and he feels entitled too? Well he is if that is the case he has income comming into the house too.
I totally understand that the two of you have had enough of this abuse and just want to walk away but you do have responsibility to someone who is totally unable to care for themselves.
Clearly you are doing the best you can and he is not making it easier being totally helpless in bed . I know you have to work but it is definitely not safe to leave a helpless person of any age alone for any length of time. What happens if there is a fire.
Don't delay get in touch with any social service that could possibly help. His Dr. Eldercare in your county, Catholic Charities, the VA if he was a veteran anyone you can think of. If they can't help they may know who can. Get on the Internetand look for any MS resources. This is going to take work to get your Dad into a situation where he will be properly looked after.

Just moving out is not an option. Keep that in mind.
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And I do care for him. As human, a person. Rather than my father. I am helping trying to help him, just not in his way. He told me he doesn't want to live in a care home. Fine. I am gonna try to help him find some residence within his budget.
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Ok. Still not sure about your specific situation. Forgive me if I've misread your posts. But still a little confused about what's going on with you. And your caregiving situation.
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anonymous859007 Nov 2018
I tell more later. I am tired.
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