For the past several years that Mom has been in memory care, I have brought her home on Christmas Eve to spent 2 nights with us. It has always gone well and she enjoys it. However, she has become more incontinent and not as steady on her feet (uses a walker). Additionally, there is the Covid concern. I work every other day at the office, my daughter waitresses at a restaurant, and my son is out of work just now, but does our errands and shopping. Is this too much exposure? Presently we have not been able to visit her in her facility since mid-November - and even then we had to be masked and 6 feet away with no touching. I know she will be horribly disappointed and depressed if she can't come home, but I don't want to put her health or well being in danger.
You may not can control what goes on in a Nursing Facility but you can control what goes on in your own home.
Think about it. There's a lot of employees who are going in and out of the facility at all times. You don't know if they are following the safety precautions while they are around your mother or not. Employees are not going to keep a mask on the entire 8 hours and they can be careless.
However, you do know what goes on in your own home. Pretty certain you and your family will take the necessary precautions to keep mother safe.
With this being said, I am willing to bet your mom will be a whole lot safer with you and family than in a facility around strangers.
A personal decision, this, and not an easy one. Everything today carries risk. I think both Cali and Hailey have good answers.and complete answers of reasoning; now the choice is yours. Whatever choice you make, know you are doing the best you can in these trying times.
The facility would require her to have a Covid test upon re-entering the building and then she would have to quarantine in her room for 14 days. No socializing with her friends or participating in activities. Meals would be alone. She loves doing crafts, playing bingo, and exercising with her group. I explained to her that she'd have to miss those things for 2 weeks but she said it would be worth it to see her family. I don't know what to do. I'd never forgive myself if she got Covid - she couldn't survive it.
If she is with it enough to decide for herself (while being in memory care kind of indicates that perhaps she is not capable), then if she REALLY wants to come. home and understands the risk and understands how tough those 2 weeks will be, then I don't have a problem with it.
Your hands will also be super full with dealing with her new issues, though it is "only" for 2 days. I think it'd be a long 2 days.
I know for Thanksgiving many elderly people said something like "if this is my last one, I don't want to spend it alone". Definitely has some validity.
Tough choice for you to make.
Because of work schedules, we often had to celebrate holidays on days other than the actual date of the holiday. The date didn't matter; it was being able to get together with family that made the holiday. We still do "second Christmas" with my sister and her family after December 25; one year because of snowstorm after snowstorm we weren't able to actually have "second Christmas" until March!!
Leave mom where she is for now.
I’m so sorry that you can’t follow your tradition of bringing her home for the holidays.
So, you guessed it on Monday we got the "Positive" test results. The good news is at 83 she has no symptoms, but she has had to remain here since then. The second test was performed yesterday, no results yet, but likely to still be positive for some time to come. The clinic where she was tested says she should be able to go back now positive or not due to no longer being considered contagious. The problem of course is that she doesn't want to go back and is terribly emotionally upset. This is not going to be fun and I do not think it was worth bringing her out.
That is my situation, of course if your mom likes her living arrangement then you may not have this issue.
By the way neither my husband or I have developed symptoms during the time she has been here. I am doing most all the hands on caregiving and am feeling fine although rather "trapped." I am quite certain, given the short time frame, that she came here from her facility already infected. She may even have already been passed the contagious period. It's something of a mess and I am not sure how it will be resolved. I hope whatever you decide it will be a good outcome for you and your mom and family.
What an ordeal! So sorry...
Hoping your mom will continue to improve.
It sounds like your mom’s facility has been extra cautious regarding COVID-19 which is wonderful.
You can do a special Christmas celebration with her at a later date.
It will mean just as much to her at that point in time.
Meanwhile, she will be with you in spirit as you celebrate Christmas with your family.
Everyone is struggling with these decisions these days. It’s not a ‘normal’ holiday season.
Do your best to enjoy Christmas with your immediate family.
Last year, since my mother is wheelchair bound and leery about going out in general, we brought Christmas dinner to her and ate together in the library at the MC; it was a feast. We brought gifts too. We can't do that this year, obviously, nor can we bring her home because of various reasons. She'd hate the 14 day quarantine upon return, so it's not something we're even discussing.
You're better off having your mother 'horribly disappointed and depressed' than have her health & well being put into danger, in my opinion. Also consider, she may NOT be 'horribly disappointed OR depressed'...............play things DOWN this year, as I am, because Christmas is one day only, where way way WAY too much importance is placed upon..........and it becomes a disappointment for everyone in general. Schedule a Zoom visit instead. Send her an Edible Arrangement (if they have a shop in your area); send her Royal Rivera Pears. A nightgown & matching robe. A big box of her favorite chocolates. In other words, make the day special for her ANYWAY, even though she won't be coming to your house.
Good luck to you.
If you and your family are willing to quarantine for 2 weeks before bringing your Mom home she might be safe. Is it really worth the risk to your Mom?
Plus when you take her back she will probably be isolated for several weeks to protect the other residents. That is more of a hardship to dementia elders.
If you bring her home and she gets sick it would be heartbreaking
Fortunately for me, my mom is home with me so I don't have to make that difficult decision. On the other hand my sister hasn't seen her since about May and she won't be able to see her for the holidays.
She and her husband and sons are out working and intetacting with multiple people. They have big intersecting bubbles (smile). Not taking the risk.
I'm lucky to work from home.
Good luck with you decision.
Cheers
Don't don't take the risk of bringing her home now. You would be devastated if she became confused during quarantine or heaven forbid if she actually somehow contracted the virus while visiting you.
I don't know about where u live but where I live was not as effected by the first round of COVID but this second round has been a lot worse. In my County we had no more than 20 the first round, second round we r up to 55 in one day. Of course testing is more available. But it has shown that Thanksgiving may have been the problem. I think its wise to keep her where she is. Excuse, the NH won't let her out. We need to be safe as possible.
I haven’t told my mom yet but I am thinking that it would be too risky to bring her home right now.
IF they do allow it be prepared to have mom in isolation for 14 days upon her return. I doubt she would want that.
Also you are putting mom at risk by exposing her to you and the family. And you are putting the family at risk exposing them to mom.
You are each living in your own "COVID Pods" once you bring someone new into your pod the risk jumps.
You and family members can visit her in turn (do not all go on the same day) this will be nicer for her, getting visits over several days. Chances are the visits will be window visits or at least "socially distant" visits if outsiders are allowed in.
Im going to do the same Christmas Day, a few extra people, as my sister is driving up. I went back and forth, but I feel we are all contentious about masking and not taking stupid chances, and no one is going to be loving on Granny like they would normally. But based on her cognitive and physical decline this year, next year she probably won't know me, or be able to come or even be alive( she is 90) . She's only been out of the facility for doctor/ER/hospital since the lock down began except for this.
They don't require isolation unless they are absent from the facility overnight.
I was surprised the first time she went to the ER and didn't have to isolate, but that's their policy.