Hello. My mother, 72, has dementia and moved into a new ALF in July. The former ALF was smaller, not as nice but definitely was able to keep a closer eye on her. We moved her to the new ALF (I’ll spare the reasons why) which is definitely bigger and much nicer looking, but I fear because of the increase in residents they aren’t able to have as close attention.
Mom likes to throw things away. We’ve bought her multiple sheets, towels, shower curtains, etc. She says “one of the girls” who works there stole them.
A month ago, she went as far as to throw out her bed frame! I had a meeting with the head of resident services and it appears she took it apart and threw in garbage. At the time, we just moved in so I didn’t raise hell but wouldn’t it be concerning to them seeing their resident sleeping on a mattress in the middle of the floor?
This weekend, I went to visit and see she’s sleeping with no blanket - just her sheet. And, it looks like she’s had a company come and take her dresser away!
Here is my question - at what point can we hold the facility accountable? How could they allow a junk company sign in and take furniture away from resident with dementia?? Don’t they see her without blankets??
We are paying over $5K a month for this place - never mind buying groceries as well since she all of a sudden doesn’t like meat and won’t eat lunch or dinner in the dining hall - what can I reasonably expect here?
Thanks for welcoming my vent.
The ALF is not responsible for what your mother eats or doesn't eat, or for what she throws away or brings into her apartment. Once she's properly placed in Memory Care Assisted Living, then she'll be looked after and supervised more closely to insure these things won't happen. In Memory Care, the staff know all about showtiming and also how to properly care for a resident suffering from dementia.
Is she eligible for Medicaid or do you not mind that you're paying for her care?
At 5,000 you have a "deal" in ALF. This is what my brother's room was three years ago. I would hope her diet needs could be discussed. I know for my brother it certainly could, help with menus and etc.
Know what to expect is one thing. Getting expectations fulfilled is another.
A person in ALF isn't usually considered incompetent. So they could call a junk company any time they wanted to. My brother certainly could. They can give things away any time they want to. The are not considered incompetent. When they are, Memory care would prevent such moves, but cost easily 2 to 3 times what is currently being paid you your loved one.
Go ahead and vent, because all this stuff is difficult and heartbreaking as well as very very costly. Wishing you the very best.
As for food, they all complain about the food, it is their hobby. My step-mother was in assisted living said she didn't like the food, and yes she kept returning everything to the kitchen, yet she gained 10 #'s and took all her remains from the dining room and put it in her freezer & refrig "as she hated to waste food", well it all sat there and we had to keep tossing it. She has over 100 sealed butters, jelly and so on, all went to waste as the facility could not take it back once it left the dining room, although it was sealed.
She is now in MC, no refrigerator, no kitchen, yes, the food is much better in MC....although it is the same food. Ha!
This is a tricky disease, she is manipulating you, once in awhile when step-mother was in AL I would bring her a meal, never bought any groceries for her.
My one recommendation, don't believe everything they tell you.
However she appears to be functioning, the fact s that there is nothing you an “reasonably expect” when you are dealing with dementia.
Her brain no longer functions with “logic”. Whatever reason there is for her desire to rid herself of her belongings may not begin with a reason, nor end with one, or she may have a reason that makes no sense to those of you who love and care for her.
She was absolutely entitled to a trial in the “least restrictive environment”, but be prepared, unless this tendency to “clear out” resolves itself as she adjusts to the change in her surroundings, for the facility to recommend a higher level of management, probably “Memory Care”.
You may also want to be sure that she is not suffering from a UTI, and also, if her original diagnosis of “dementia” didn’t include enough information to suggest a possible trial of medication to help balance her mood and/or control possible depression and anxiety, it may be helpful to her to do that now.
Tough times for all of you. Take good care of your needs too.
Moves often cause a decline in dementia patients, that is probably what you are experiencing.
The facility isn't responsible for the kind of oversight you are looking for. She needs a smaller facility that offers memory care, her needs are beyond ALF.