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81 yr old mom with early/high function dementia likes calling 911. Each time they come out it is $3K. Then she likes to call friends/acquaintances and tell them that we are kicking her out of house and trying to take away her money. So what can I do. Take away phone seems to be the best for me, but during Covid it's her connection to outside? I can't seem to win.


Any ideas? Any suggestions for activities to occupy her time? She helps with food prep, but that is only 1-2 hrs max. Maybe fold laundry? Gardening maybe but limited space. TV makes it bad for me cuz she sees commercials for cell phones (told her I lost her phone for now).
She is happy when she gets what she wants.

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thank you ALL for your thoughts/suggestions. I guess I'm coming to terms that mom is further along and CAN'T have phone. I've offered her my phone or I make calls for her, but she says NO she needs her own. I now have to come up with an excuse of why I can't afford a new phone or can't get a phone.
I like the suggestion of checking Amazon for actives for dementia and hope to find things to occupy her physical and mentally.
thank you for your ideas.
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If the OP's mother does this a couple or more times in a month, it might end up being less expensive to have her in AL or even NH (although I would expect that in CA these are expensive). However, I don't know any people who would want to spend $3000 at a time for a frivolous reason. Hopedly the 911 service or someone else will have a solution that will put an end to this.
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"High functioning" dementia sufferers do not repeatedly call 911 when they know each time the EMTs come out it costs her $3K. Nor do they make phone calls to friends and acquaintances telling them that they're being kicked out of their house and robbed by their own family members. Your mother is way further along with her dementia than you are realizing or accepting.

The phone needs to go away permanently if you know this is what she's going to do with it. My aunt had to have her phone taken away after repeated calls to 911 and nobody appreciated it anymore.

Everyone is happy when they get what they want and unhappy when they don't. But in this case, it's way too costly and outrageous to allow the 911 calls to continue. Get her a fidget blanket. Or have her fold wash cloths. Or watch pre recorded movies that don't have commercials. Go to Amazon and look up 'Alzheimers activities' and choose some things that catch your eye. Simple arts & crafts projects are also a good idea to keep her occupied. Create a schedule whereby she's kept pretty busy throughout the day and that should solve this dilemma.

Good luck!
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If OP's mother keeps this up and gets charged $3000 each time, it may be that it would be less expensive for her to be in AL or NH--a couple or more such calls a month would equal or surpass the cost of care in a facility, depending upon where she lives. This may seem harsh, but I don't know of anyone who would want to shell out that kind of money for a frivolous reason. Hopedly the 911 service will have some useful suggestions.
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Don't get her another cell, that's for sure. Now there's a home phone that can be programmed with one button dialing. It has large buttons, large enough to put a small (postage sized) pic under the buttons cover. You can use that feature to bypass the standard keypad. The only "emergency" button would be the Zero. Since that is connected directly to the local police dept, you could go down there and explain to them in person her condition. Also, since you're her caregiver; they'd notify you prior to responding. This is the phone I'm referring to: https://www.healthproductsforyou.com/p-future-call-picture-care-memory-corded-amplified-phone.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=surfaces&utm_campaign=shopping%20feed&utm_content=free%20google%20shopping%20clicks&gclid=Cj0KCQiAy579BRCPARIsAB6QoIb9MHR_MZz03ts1BtcOzgVljnnZtnlnb-W4G3TUvMdZDHhkOI1bPFYaApCQEALw_wcB
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Yes Joann I am aware of that. But, if in contacts, that is one more way to call. Eliminate one option, anyway.

Some iPhones have an automatic call 911 feature. Are you sure she is actually dialing? Or could it be a phone feature that is doing the dialing?
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Get her a newer, more complicated phone that she will have more difficulty using. Make sure 911 is not in her contacts.
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JoAnn29 Nov 2020
You can still dial 911 even if not in ur contacts.
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No you can not block 911. All charged phones even if they are not with a service can make a 911 call.
Even if you “lose” the phone if you have a landline she can still make the calls.
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I have never heard of disconnecting 911 but I like that you ‘lost’ her phone. Creative thinking!
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Who is charging you/mom $3,000? Whichever agency is sending first responders? I think that's a little steep - and I am a retired first responder. Are you being charged because the calls are being deemed "unnecessary"? I get agencies who do this to discourage unnecessary/crank calls, but a case like mom's, she believed she needs the help.

I would contact whatever agency is charging you and see if they have some sort of community liaison person/office. If so, contact them and request a meeting, if possible - if not, talk to them over the phone. Explain mom's circumstances to them, that she is suffering from dementia and truly believes she needs their help when she calls. It will help if you can have something in writing from her doctor confirming her diagnosis. If you live in a fairly small community, it's not a bad idea for them to know mom's situation anyway. Go up the chain of command if you have to. Be polite but firm. If you have this conversation over the phone, follow up with a letter - for whatever reason writing often gets a quicker response.

If you can't get anywhere with the agency in question, contact your local elected ombudsman/councilperson/etc. You shouldn't be getting charged for an unnecessary response under these circumstances.

No one should be forced into the scenario you're describing, contemplating disabling 911. That's dangerous.
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worriedinCali Nov 2020
Contra Costa (county OP lives in) ambulance response fee is $2500. That’s probably who is charging her mother.
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Can you keep up the ‘lost or damaged’ about her own phone, and lend her yours to phone her friends when you or someone else can monitor what she is doing?

Can the local depot for 911 mark her number with a message to phone you to check the situation, before turning up?

Can you arrange the finances so that she has a small bank balance from which to pay the call-out fees, and so she can’t continue to pay out $3,000 per call-out? You certainly shouldn’t be paying! You need to be able to say that she has no access to more funds – it might help the 911 people to deal with it, if they believe that getting paid is problematic.
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worriedinCali Nov 2020
In the US 911 dispatchers cannot and will not call the OP before they dispatch the first responders. If mom calls for help, they will send the first responders. It’s too much of a liability to ask questions first and respond later.
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Use a streaming service for TV, Netflix, Prime etc do not have ads, that will help with the cell phone ad issue.

Have you talked with your local 911 dispatch service to ask them for help? They may know of a solution that is not readily available to the general public.
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