We share equally taking care of him. He's at my brothers one week than with me the next week. I'm retired and he's still working, but his wife is retired and she takes care of him on his weeks. I've told my brother that I would keep him at my house because I don't want his wife to have to take care of our father. Even though, I know she does not mind one bit. I still don't want her to have to when I'm home and perfectly able to. I feel he's our father and either he or I should do it. My father has beginning signs of dementia, and a few other major health care issues. He was in an independent living facility but had to be hospitalized and then to rehab at a nursing home. Upon release, they said he could not go back to independent living, so we decided to take care of him for as long as we can. He's still very cognitive but is a fall risk. My brother and I are very close but when it comes to our father, we've had a few disagreements. I'm the oldest by 10 years and I feel as joint POA's we should share or at least be aware of all decisions and financial matters. My brother takes care of his meds and finances and when I asked to be aware of all matters,he seemed to get him upset and he didn't understand why I wanted to know. He sends the meds over in a weekly pill container. I have to ask if I want to buy him certain things. I don't feel I should have to ask to purchase anything. Often I simply ask just to be sure he doesn't already have it. I feel I should know which meds he is taking because I think that's important for both me and my father to know. When ever I ask about his finances, he will tell me but seems to make excuses showing me any documentation. I've never seen his bank statements or his credit card bills or anything. I don't mind his taking care of the finances but I think I should be just as aware of them as he is. I would never think that he would do anything wrong or misappropriate anything but by his being so evasive it's beginning to make me suspicious. I don't want to ask my father if he's sees his statements because I don't want to make him think I don't trust my brother, which I do. But, if he is doing anything wrong, by us being joint POA's, will I be responsible for any misappropriated funds? By my being the oldest, do I have the right to make decisions when we disagree on a matter?
Any time we keep secrets, we grow suspicion. My brother has POA financial, medical, on mom's banking instruments, executor of her will and God knows what else.I was left off of all of these things. I am the oldest and I thought I was close to my mother, but had a wake up that I was never close to her. No one is. At the moment I haven't talked to either my brother or mother for over 3 months. I received a tongue lashing over simply misunderstanding my mother's medical directive. You see, I am not suppose to ask, know and interfere with my brother and mother. Just smile and try to make mom happy (her actual words).
So, long story short, our relationship has been destroyed. Don't let this happen to you and your brother. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. He must understand that you are the second POA on your father's POA, there are two of you, not one.
Good luck, I hope this works out better for you. My family is hopeless.