I had to cut him off due to abuse. I am long distance from my Dad and brothers and no one talks to no one. He has a "girlfriend" who comes over every day but she has schizophrenia and has never called me if my dad was in the hospital, so she cannot be relied on to do anything at all. My younger brother, who is supposed to be helping my dad, has always hated me (he says he doesn't remember growing up with me and has no reason to accept me as his sister). My other brother lives many states away and has cut off from the entire family. I do not expect to get inheritance nor do I care. I do care about my alcoholic, dementia father, though, but I constantly feel as though no one would even notify me if he passes because of all their hate. Is there any way to get someone outside the family (police, or ?) to notify me? I wouldn't want months to go by and then find out. He qualifies for a military funeral but not enough people would attend.
You care about your father, but there seems to be little you can do to put that care into action. Since he has dementia it may not even be possible to reconnect with him at this time. You could send him frequent cards with messages like "I'm thinking of you, Dad, and hoping you are having a good day." It might be comforting to him to realize he has a daughter who cares. Or it might mean nothing to him. But it would be something you could do while he is still living.
You can also send a note to his girlfriend, thanking her for taking care of him, and asking her to please notify you of any major events. She may ignore you, but at least you will have tried.
I hope that you are notified. But if months go by, it doesn't really change anything. Knowing when he dies does not make up for the estrangement that has gone on for years.
I am very sorry for your situation.
1. His girlfriend would never have a listed phone number. She is paranoid and changes her number really frequently, and never answers the phone too.
2. You are right, there would be no one to write an obituary except for me, and I'd be glad to do it, but....
3. I'll call the coroner but I doubt they have that as a service.
4. That's a very good (and sneaky! love it!) idea to pay someone to check on him, however he lives in a large retirement community and there's no way to contact those people. Their info is kept very private. Also, they can be quite dysfunctional as they often stay independent for way too long, and you can't trust them not to gossip about it.
Still, its good to have some ideas to mull over.....:-) I love a mystery.