Male GNAs changing and dressing female residents at nursing home; is this a normal practice?

Question

Male GNAs changing and dressing female residents at nursing home; is this a normal practice?

Follow

Share

My mother has been in this nursing home since April, after suffering a massive stroke which has left her paralyzed. She has use of her right arm, can talk and carry on a conversation, still has her long-term memory. She can self feed (pureed food) if everything is set up for her, but that's about all she can do physically. She was totally independent before the stroke.

As one can guess, this is causing her much distress. She is very afraid, and has always been afraid of nursing homes. She's having a tough time.

I went to visit her tonight. New Geriatric Nursing Assistant in her unit tonight. Her GNA was a male. She told me he was very nice. When it was time to have her diaper changed and get her nightgown on, he came in to do that. I stayed. New and a man, I didn't like it. Mom started crying in the middle of the process, and cried for an hour afterwards. She was extremely embarrassed. Is this a normal practice at nursing homes, having a male change a female? Nothing personal against this gentleman.

Care Team Nurse Skilled Nursing Facility

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

73 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

1 2 3

I feel so bad for your Mom. That must have been an awful experience for her. I believe this is becoming more of a practice as I am seeing it more.
But, you have the right and Mom has the right to say that she is not comfortable with that and she would prefer a woman to assist her in personal things.
She should never have to experience that again. I would definitely speak to whoever is in charge to make sure they accommodate her wishes.

Helpful Answer (15)

Report

Thank you so much for your kind response. I will definitely talk to someone tomorrow.

(3)

Report

I've been struggling internally with this issue since 1984, when I encountered a male midwife. He was very nice and very professional, but if he'd been on the labour ward instead of the post natal ward... I just don't know what I've have done. I do know that I would not have been impressed.

Much more recently, on the acute stroke ward where my mother was admitted, there was a handful of male healthcare assistants (one with striking tattoos on his arm, which to be honest I found more of a worry); but there the nurses worked in packs of two or three when it came to washing and similar, and my mother seemed not bothered by it at all.

I personally feel that if you are in a gender minority which makes your client base uncomfortable with you, it is up to you to be sensitive to the issue and provide reassurance as necessary. m1kew, what did you think of this GNA's approach to your mother? How did he interact with her individually? Did he introduce himself properly before he started in on the changing routine, make any attempt to put her at her ease? If you hadn't been there and hadn't stayed, would somebody else have come in to help? - because I certainly don't think an unfamiliar male should have been delivering personal care without a chaperone present.

You should be able to find out what nursing home regulations in your state say about your parent's right to express a preference about the gender of people providing her with personal care. Try digging around online under "nursing home regulations in [state]" or "nursing home patients' rights in [state]."

You could also have a word with the managers at her nursing home, explain that this is making your mother miserable, and see if they are willing to accommodate her.

There *are* advantages to having men on the team, especially when it comes to safe handling of immobilised patients - good strong arms make for a smooth, efficient, quicker change.

I know it seems a lot to ask of an elderly lady at a very low point in her life, but if you can help your mother accept the presence of men on the care team that would be best for her. Remind her that he is there as a professional, just as a doctor or a theatre nurse would be, and that although it takes some getting used to there is no cause for her to be embarrassed - just pretend he's a robot. As I say, I think it's actually the nurse's or aide's job to do that, but you can helpfully reinforce the message.

Helpful Answer (8)

Report

Thank you for your reply, Countrymouse. No issues with how the male GNA interacted with her or took care of her. He had introduced himself to her earlier, she knew his name, and told me he was very nice. She recognized him when he came in, and he was fine with the task at hand. She's a very modest women, always has been. She's also a devout Catholic, schooled by nuns. So, the problem for her was probably more like this man she had only met a few hours ago coming in and taking care of extremely personal needs, not to mention seeing her naked. So, new + man just not a good thing. On a good day, with her female GNAs who do this regularly, she's adjusting, but it's still hard on her. And, yes, he may very well have had a female come in if I hadn't stayed. Her roommate was changed right after her, and a female came in. The GNAs there also usually travel in packs, lately they just seem extremely short on staff in the evenings, having many of the GNAs travelling from unit to unit.

I'm going to call the nursing home in a few minutes and see what they can do. And I appreciate your advice on how to approach this with my mom.

(5)

Report

When Mom was in rehab, my very unscientific study estimated that maybe 50% of the cnas were male. Our first few encounters with a male assisting her to the bathroom, she was mortified, but the aid was very calming, and so was I, trying to impress upon her that he was a professional. I did question the administration if we could specify that she wanted only females, and they said we could, if it became a real compliance problem. But the reality of the situation as I looked around, her wait time for assistance would have greatly increased, since there were so many male aids, and it wasn’t worth it putting up a fuss about it, as long as they help her maintain some degree of modesty.

Now at her NH my very unscientific study estimates about 10% of the cnas are male. (About 10% of the residents too) On her floor on 3rd shift there’s only 2 aids and I is a male. So I think you may find that the demographics sometimes simply don’t allow for specifiying a gender.

Helpful Answer (8)

Report

Well, if you stop to think about it we've forced men to accept intimate care from someone of the opposite sex forever. And up until recently it was pretty uncommon for women to be doctors, so women had to accept intimate care from a male doctor.
Personally I think it is great that more men are going into nursing, especially front line caregivers like CNAs - and I may be showing my prejudices but I imagine it takes an especially caring man to choose a career that undoubtedly has caused him to be ridiculed at some point.

Helpful Answer (24)

Report

I totally agree. The supervising nurse at the nursing home is male, and he is wonderful. My mom's nurse on duty last night is a male, been there about a month, and is great. And while I'd say probably 98% of the staff there are female, the few male CNAs/GNAs that I've come across have been very good. Please, let me be clear, I don't have any problems with this gentleman as a caregiver, nor does my mom, and I was afraid to even broach the subject, because I don't want it coming back on him when he didn't do anything wrong. In the end, I believe the resident's comfort level is most important, and the resident should have the final say in care decisions, especially such a personal one.

(10)

Report

See 3 more replies

I have had such better care from male nurses, more compassion, gentle interaction, listened to me and actually got some medical issues addressed.

I would encourage mom to not be embarrassed, he is a professional and understands completely. Who delivered her babies?

If he was not professional, then talk to the DON and find out what should be expected with these interactions and tell her how it went down.

Could it be a bit of vanity about being incontinent and having a man know? I have seen that time and again, it is the hardest obstacle to overcome for some.

My husband and dad both would not want another man helping them and I am completely sold from my personal experiences.

Best of luck getting mom comfortable with her care and I hope she makes a miraculous recovery.

Helpful Answer (9)

Report

I would not be embarrassed at all by being cared for by a professionally trained CNA, but I would be mortified if my son were watching as care was being administered by that same professionally trained CNA.

I might also feel the burden of my physical condition much more with my son present and watching.

My sons and I are VERY close, and I prefer to spare them my physical issues, and yes although BOTH of us know I have issues, we sort of suspend belief in a situation that I feel might be embarrassing to them, even if it didn’ t embarrass me.

Helpful Answer (12)

Report

When my mom was first at the NH I was asked to leave the room when personal care was given, after they knew I had been her caregiver and "done it all" I was permitted to remain, but some aides still drew the curtain to protect her modesty.

(15)

Report

One facility I worked at a gentleman did not want me to take of him because I am female. I was not offended and my feelings were not hurt. It’s just part of the job, it’s all about the comfort of the Resident.

Helpful Answer (12)

Report

Where do u live in NJ. I live in SJersey.

(1)

Report

See 1 more reply

I have always choose a female doctor for my care unless there is none to choose from. I feel more comfortable discussing female issues with a female doctors.

Wouldn't surprise me the progressive and politically correct crowd would love to force people to have no choice in choosing your own doctors based on genders. After all, males and females are all the same according to them. Bathrooms are no longer exclusively male and female. Some places, males can walk into female bathrooms if they want to.

I never let my girls go into a public bathroom by themselves anymore.

Males and females are the same. Yeah, right! Explain that to that poor lady in the nursing home above, and tell her she's being ridiculous.

If males and females are all the same, then lets see a female football team (if there is one) goes against a male football team.

My daughter attends a gymnastics school. I have never seen a boy in that school, ever. In her ballet school, there were probably 2 boys out of a few hundred girls. Let's force the boys take ballet and gymnastics.

And while we're at it, let's make it mandatory that all females 18 years and older sign up for the Selective Service like the boys do.

Sorry, i am a little off topic here. My sympathy to your mother. I hope you can request a female GNA for her.

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

Ridiculous rant and WAY off topic, polar bear

(22)

Report

See 2 more replies

When Mom was in the hospital she had 4 nurses in her room. When two left it was the females. The males were left to undress her. She got very upset and I told them that she would prefer the females.

I too am a modest person. Yes, I have a male GYN only because thats all we have in my area and after 30 + years I am used to him. But no way would I want a male nurse or CNA helping me with bathing or toileting. Its bad enough when anyone has to help u even a child. Its bad enough when they have Dementia or an illness that has taken some freedom away but let them have their dignity.

Helpful Answer (12)

Report

There was a male CNA at the SNF my mother was in & I requested that only female CNAS wash, dress & shower her.....tell them at nursing station

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

Did your mother say she was crying because the caregiver was male? Or are you assuming that was the cause? Caring for someone bedbound is heavy work. You want the aide to have strength, training and gentleness. Gender really should not be the top concern.

If I were your mom, I'd be crying about the situation in general.

Helpful Answer (18)

Report

No doubt in my mind that a male changing her was not the only reason for her tears. Perhaps more of a trigger. As someone who knows depression well, I know how easy it is to cry about one thing, and then start thinking about every single bad thing that has ever happened in my life. It definitely takes a lot of strength and practice to stop that thinking before it spirals out of control. She is definitely depressed and has tons of anxiety, and is being treated for such. She's also on lots of other meds, and often gets weepy when left alone, when being hoyer lifted, when another patient is in distress. I mean after all, she can't do anything for herself, and is at the mercy of her caretakers, whom she is just starting to feel comfortable with. She told me she prefers a female to change her - the females she is familiar with. Probably near impossible to have only certain people change her, but the no male request should not be difficult considering the very vast majority of the staff are female. She's also a very tiny, frail, sweet lady. Fortunately, the staff at this nursing home are wonderful, and do try to accommodate as much as possible.

(9)

Report

Thank you all for your replies. I spoke with the nursing supervisor on duty yesterday and she was very receptive to Mom's problems. She asked if we would like only females to change her, and I said yes please. Also made clear that this was not at all a reflection on the male caregiver, just Mom's personal preference.

Helpful Answer (19)

Report

Good job looking out for Mom.
And Big yay for Mom!
Thank you for loving and caring about your Mom and her feelings. You did good! 🌸

(5)

Report

Glad it worked out.

Helpful Answer (3)

Report

I, too, am happy that things worked out for you and your Mum. In the Care Centre where my husband lives, residents/families can also make the same request re the gender of caregivers. If a gender specific caregiver is not available in the unit where the resident lives, one comes from another unit. Granted, this may increase the wait time for care but, like everything else in life, we must compromise and take the "good with the bad".

On a slightly different topic, may I ask that the term "caregivers work in packs" not be used. It makes them sound like animals. Perhaps "pairs", "sets" or "groups" would be more respectful.

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

(1)

Report

See 1 more reply

Yes it is,unless you specifically request a female CNA.Talk to the Social worker at the facility.

Helpful Answer (3)

Report

My father was the same way, it's very common. Try to remind her that there are a lot of male care givers out there who are just there to do their job and not to embarrass her.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Unfortunately it is very common. I dealt with this situation a few weeks ago with a 94 year old Lady. The Male Nurse came in to change her "Depends". I quietly told him we would prefer to wait until a female was available to change her. We had to wait a bit but I new how embarrassing this would be for her. The Male Nurse understood.

What we as a society need to understand is the following. 75 and older Females lived in a time period when only there Husbands saw them naked. Let alone cleaned there bottoms. We all have to try and put ourselves in there place. But, we can't because we don't as a whole live as privately as the older generation did. We all must be understanding and respective with the elderly.

Note: Please try and call them "Depends". I know it's just a word but for those that have to wear them, it's much kinder. When they hear diaper that word puts it into another category for them.

Helpful Answer (10)

Report

I just call them underpants. I agree that calling them diapers is demeaning.

(7)

Report

See 2 more replies

I am so sorry about your mother.

Are you able to talk to your mother pointedly about having a male tend to her? Sometimes talking about it can help.

My mother also had a male shower, dress, and help her with her Depends. I asked her if she was OK with it and she said she was. But, she also mentioned it each time I visited her. When she did, I asked how she felt about it and she would say something like, "He's very nice," "He really knows how to wash my hair," etc. Because it seemed positive, I thought it was fine.

All the best to your mother.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

The talent, professionalism, and dedication of a nurse or caregiver have nothing at all to do genitalia.

Please do let’s remember that professionals should not be discriminated against because of anything as arbitrary as observable gender. Patients are not the only ones that deserve dignity and have feelings.

God bless the nurses and caregivers of all sorts, anywhere on the gender continuum.

Helpful Answer (11)

Report

The problem is not everyone who wears scrubs is a "professional". For some it is not always purely clinical. Been there more than once. It is one of the reasons that when I can I avoid female staff for matters involving intimate exposure.

(0)

Report

See 1 more reply

My wife was in a nursing home from 2007 to when she passed away in2017...Her favorite nursing assistant (and that of every other patient) was a young man. He did everything related to her care and she had no qualms about it. He said she was a second grandma to him and he meant it. I feel sorry that your mom is so embarrassed and empathize with her. To answer your question, from what I have seen, yes, make nursing assistants do work with female residents.
Grace + Peace
Bob

Helpful Answer (13)

Report

It is totally understandable that a woman might prefer only other women tending to her personal care. It is equally understandable that a male patient would also prefer only male staff tend his personal needs. The problem is that most hospitals and facilities expect men to just accept females, to the point that staff may verbally embarrass or bully the men into silently accepting female staff. This is the "you don't have anything I haven't seen, you don't have anything special, are you afraid of women, we're all professionals here, we don't have modesty here" kind of stuff that male staff would be fired for if they ever spoke to the female patients that way. Men are just as deserving or having their dignity respected as women.

Helpful Answer (11)

Report

There is no dignity in having your butt wiped by a comparative stranger, male or female. After two months in the hospital, I was grateful for any help for what must have been a relatively unpleasant job. Women and men who help us with these tasks are just as deserving of respect as any other professional. Would you refuse to see a doctor because s/he was the "wrong" sex? If mom or dad isn't comfortable, then by all means, request a different aide, but don't assume that because a person isn't the "right" sex that the person isn't acceptable.

(6)

Report

See 5 more replies

ALL that are posting saying it's ok for a male to care for ANY female can not understand this is inappropriate at any age with the PEDOPHILES in this day and time. Come on ppl, protect our Young and Seniors that depend on us as their loved ones.
Inappropriate!!!!!

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

Do you imagine that all pedophiles are male?

(7)

Report

See 4 more replies

Men have had female CNA's care for them for years. As more young men are going into the profession, females will have to get used to it. It is a very humbling thing to accept that kind of personal care no matter who is giving it.

Helpful Answer (10)

Report

My mom's assisted living facility has only female care givers. I actually think some male energy around would be nice for the ladies, but I do understand because my mom might be embarrassed to be changed and bathed by a man. It's good that you spoke up about this. Her comfort is important. It's also important that men are not discriminated against with their choice of work. A story: a good friend of mine cared for his mother for 2 years before her death. He did all the bathing and changing of her underpants, lifting, carrying her, feeding her, talking to her and listening to her, bringing her much joy in a very sad situation. I suppose it all depends on the person how modesty will affect them.

Helpful Answer (9)

Report

Men are actually better because they tend to be stronger, and caring for someone bedridden is very back breaking and labor intensive. During the Middle Ages only men did nursing as they were monks caring for the sick. It is a discriminatory stereotype to think all women are nurses; as the economy erodes more men are going to get into the nursing field or assistants for nurses. It's a job. In fact, if the facility only hires women caregivers they can get sued for discriminatory practices. If you mom can be that choosy maybe you should take her home with you and do all the care yourself.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

What about the nuns caring for the sick?

(5)

Report

See 3 more replies

That happened to my mom. A male aide came to assist her with her bath at the assisted living. My mom said to me she did not like it and several times refused her bath. So I went to administration and requested female aide to assist her. It is her right to request a female aide if she is embarrassed.

Helpful Answer (10)

Report

My mother is 82 y/o and in a nursing home; is totally bedridden after falling while she was a resident in ALF. Her story is that a male nurse came into her ALF room while she was in the shower, and it startled her so much, that she fell and broke her hip! Believe me, I met with the director of the ALF and heard their side of the story, because I felt that if the male nurse had not gone into her room, she would not have fallen like she did and break her hip. Life may have been very different for her today. However, the ALF staff defended the male nurse stating that he was "doing his job"; knocked properly; etc. I sent a letter to the Health Care Commissioner, and the outcome was that they were fined for having poor patient staff ratio, and some of the staff quit or were terminated. Now, this incident could have happened regardless of the gender of the CNA. However, my mother is extremely modest and has a history of trauma! The point is, the nursing home staff need to pay attention to the individualized needs of the residents! If an elderly person prefers a same sex staff person attending to their intimate needs, then they need to accommodate. I suggest that you have a talk with the social worker at your mother's facility and request that both a male and female CNA attend to her needs. This will ensure accountability and safety. The comment above suggesting that you take your mother home if she is too "choosey" and care for her yourself is condescending and disrespectful to both you and your mother. Your mother is fortunate that you are her ADVOCATE. I continue to advocate for my mother in her current facility. She tends to cry and scream out whenever her brief is changed! I believe that having her brief changed "triggers" her trauma experience, and I advocated with the social worker, and the staff are very sensitive to her needs when providing intimate care. They distract her by talking and joking, and they work together quickly to "get the job done" and then she is fine. I have utmost respect for any caregiver (male or female) who have very difficult tasks to attend to. My suggestion is to spend more time at the facility, especially be present when staff attend to your mother's intimate care. When the staff pull the curtain to care for her, sit outside the curtain and give your mom reassurance. Tell her calmly that the staff are there to help her, etc. Hopefully, this will help your mom with acceptance. Acceptance is one of the most important tasks for an elderly person (and their family members) who is losing their independence and ability to care for themselves. God bless you.

Helpful Answer (11)

Report

and yet, it is hard for all of us, many of us, to be there all the time, every time a brief needs changing...which puts more of a burden on those of us trying their best to be there and advocate, as well as on those who simply lack the relationship to be reassuring or do the distraction work. If the facilitator of a support group I attend says "create a spa day" to facilitate personal care one more time I will either scream, drop out, or both:-)

(2)

Report

See 1 more reply

Hello, at the nursing home where I work, when there is a male GNA on the unit, he is assigned to care for all the men (we don’t have that many) and for a specific group of women who are NOT distressed by his care. So, I would say, YES it is normal practice that a male may care for women, but NO it is not the practice to have him care for her if she is distressed. Good luck, and I am sure you will be able to work this out.

Helpful Answer (13)

Report

This is my observation as well. The fact that nobody asked her if she was OK with it, or had an opportunity to think about it in advance and feel she had a say in it makes me sad for her... but in every care facility I've worked in, or had my loved ones in, they are more sensitive and proactive about managing it.

(2)

Report

I just had to jump into this. The answer to your question is that you should be able to request female aids only. You can request female aides only in the hospital. It seems obvious to me that the staff should have communicated with your mother or you and let you know they would like to send in a male, that would have been considerate and aware on their part. It was a shock to your mother as it would be to me. So sorry that it happened this way. It appears you have worked it out -- praises to you that you are caring for your mother in this way. My mother is right on the edge of needing the same things.

Helpful Answer (7)

Report

After being discharged from an overnight stay at the hospital for observation, I picked up my 86 year old mom to bring her home (I couldn’t stay with her at the hospital; has to tend to my dad). My mom has moderate dementia. Within the first hour at home, she suddenly said, “you know, the strangest thing happened. A man gave me a (sponge) bath and felt my breasts - no one’s ever done that but your father”.

Thankfully, my dad couldn’t hear her and she completely lost what was clearly distressing for her. I have no doubt she was telling the truth, but wasn’t sure if the male CNA had taken advantage of her by fondling her? No way to prove with dementia, but I did call the hospital to alert them to be observant. If I were a male nurse, I’d expect issues like this & insist not to be left alone with a female, especially a female easily taken advantage of with cognitive decline. I’ve always been haunted by this incident.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

Oy...this is what we all worry about..dementia and being exploited with no proof. I'm glad you reported it.

(2)

Report

1 2 3

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Male GNAs changing and dressing female residents at nursing home; is this a normal practice?

73 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions