Now my Dad who has dementia wants to hire atty and fight. I know that my mother was upset that my father made my only sibling executor and himself Trustee and basically had her sign the new Will without reading over it. Her mistake, but she trusted him. 9 months ago, she changed it s back secretly to the way it was. Her daughter (me) as executor, but she intentionally cut out my father and brother. This has made me look like a money grabber. I assure you that I was the one taking care of my mom while they were off vacationing. I loved my mom and she loved me. I had nothing to do with the changes that she made. I want to just give my brother and dad everything and walk away. But she had her wishes; and I feel I have a duty to carry out hem out.
She did not want the family business sold, nor the family ranch; which is all paid for. I do have an atty. But sure don't want to drag this out and watch lawyers reap the benefits of all those years of hard work done by all. There is so much more to this story, I could write a book. My father has never respected women and he was very abusive to me mom and us two children while growing up. I am 55 now and feel so alone. Any advice that will help me or just sit back and let the lawyers rack up a big $$$$$?
Try not to take all of this too personally, I know that won't be easy, however, your Mom knew what she wanted for you. As for your father, he has dementia, and that just means that he is not clear of mind and cannot change the deterioration of his brain and can no longer always act in a rational way.
Of course, the issue of your dad contesting the final will is another matter, and if that is settled so that mom's most current will emerges as the "winner", then you still may wish to consider sharing....
Not my circus, not my monkeys, but felt I should chime in...
Never mind the $ for a minute, but how will you feel the rest of your life if you feel like you let someone "kick her when she was down" so to speak, when she was not there and couldn't even stand up for herself? The sadness and loss is going to be hard enough without having any sinking feelings tacked on when you think of her, her life, who she was, what she stood for, and what she meant to you.
I'd fight. If I wasn't super confident with my ATTNY, I'd have a look around. Is the President of your State Bar Association taking cases like yours? Can that office offer you a referral if that isn't his or her area of expertise? ;-) A lot of times it's the known integrity of an ATTNY that wins a case. Your case is based on nothing but integrity. And yep, I'd sit back and let it go to fees, (worse case scenario), before I'd let him tromp on my Mom again. Of course you are always free to share with your Bro whatever you see fit AFTER it becomes yours, ...I'd bet Mom left you in charge for a reason. ;-)
Give some more thought about your relationship with your brother. Is the execution of this will going to drive a permanent wedge between you? If that wouldn't be a loss, then don't worry about that either, but I would try to respond to my brother's feelings on this matter if my relationship with him was important to me. Even if the relationship is unimportant to you, brother could take up dad's cause (since he'll benefit, too), and he would be much harder to fight.
You'll find all that out when you begin the probate process, I'm sure.
If they were divorced then yes mom can leave her assets to anyone she wishes.
In the same breath, you say that your mother went along with your father's wishes because she trusted him, and then that 9 months ago she secretly changed her will and cut him and your brother out of it.
What caused her to have this abrupt change of heart? And - while I completely accept that you had nothing to do with the content - how did she go about having her final will drawn up? Did you facilitate it?
Your mother would have been better advised to front it out, make her will, and tell your father to mind his own business about its content - it's a great pity that you weren't able to support her in doing that, because it would have left a great deal less room for mischief later. But too late for hindsight. Provided that the will was handled professionally by competent lawyers, your father - even if he acts on his threats - shouldn't get very far. What's your brother's take on all this?
It's your Mom's last wishes, sacred territory. She knew you well enough to figure you had the guts to do this, so stop worrying, honor her, as she knew you would. As far as Bro, after you win, I am sure Mom also knew you would be fair to him. But looks like to me, as she had the advantages that come with age she thought better of the male dominance she allowed in the family, (must have not thought ...for not much reason), and wanted you to be in the driver's seat continuing into the future.
If Dad's facilities are not there in full force, yep, you are quite right, he could be a great target for a new wife, (a 2 year marriage that undoes all you and your Bro did, and gets passed to her 5 kids). LOL, but you know what I mean, and it does happen. Looks like you need to "wear the pants", ..then also be fair to Bro as she knew you would. You're right, a month into this is no where near long enough to adjust, 2 years will help, ...hold tight. ;-)
Sit back and smile, I'm betting Mom knew this was coming.
You mention that your father asked your mother for a divorce last year? That raises two separate points:
1. It explains your mother's decision to alter her will perfectly, and therefore puts any other questions - about your influence, for example - in the shade.
2. It makes me wonder about your father's capacity. Was he serious? Did he understand what he was saying? This is the kind of thing that dementia throws up, and it could be an indication of his mental state over some time.
But either way, and given your mother's care in drawing up her new will, I again really don't think your father's challenge, should it come to that, will get out of the starting blocks. Check with your lawyer, or your late mother's lawyer, by all means; but above all rest your mind. Least of your worries, really. Wishing you comfort.
If your father, is like my father, us females are nothing. We know nothing. We should not talk about things that we know nothing about. (Only males - doesn't matter if my nephew was age 16 - knows more than females.) If we want land, then we should marry a man with land, etc.... The abuse..follows that chauvinistic thinking.
Your mother, saw the reality, when your dad wanted to divorce last year. All that time, she was under his thumb. Yes, I can see her signing the document. Sigh... My oldest brother did that with me. He wanted me to sign over my inherited land as collateral for his apartment loan application. He wanted all of us 8 kids to sign over our land. He locked me in the bedroom, blocked the door, and verbally tore me apart. He said that I am nothing, I will always be nothing.. Over and over - for 30 minutes. I finally agreed to sign the d*mn form so that he can move away from the blocking the door. I left his home, went home and cried for 30 minutes. After i calmed down, I asked around my siblings. Found out which bank was handling the apartment loan application, I called and asked for the loan officer handling my brother's loan. I spoke to that person with shaky voice that my brother had forced me to sign over my land to the bank as collateral..... I sooo totally get where your mom caved in and signed it. I'm pretty sure, you know, that your father would have hounded your mom until she signed it.
Don't give in to your father's pressure. Your mom and you suffered so much under your father. This is your mother's way of righting the wrong that was done to you (and her.) She may not be an out-an-out defender/fighter, but she did it her way. If she had told your father what he did, I'm sure that she knew that he would relentlessly pressure her to change it again. Be at peace. This IS what she wanted. If she thought your brother deserved it, she would have included him. Again, this is what she wanted - leaving him out. Don't feel bad. Like you said, this is what she wanted. So be it.