My mom turned 63 years old this month. She started having infrequent accidents on the floor around 09/2020. Our family went on a camping trip last September (she didn’t want to go & stayed home) when we got back to their home there was several small spots of poop in the living room & hallway that she didn’t clean up. Since then she has gotten progressively worse, now goes potty in her clothes, laying on the sofa & on the floor on a regular basis. She doesn’t care, acts like it’s no big deal, doesn’t clean it up & the smell doesn’t bother her. My dad does her laundry & has thrown away some of her clothes, seat cushions etc. because they are so badly soiled. She will not wear diapers, refuses medical attention & hasn’t been to a doctor in years. She needs medical attention, her legs are swollen/red, coughs a lot, sometimes she moans/groans like she’s in pain. My dad offers to take her to the doctor or hospital weekly, they have health insurance, she refuses. She is an alcoholic. She doesn’t eat properly, gets no exercise, doesn’t have a regular sleep schedule, hasn’t taken a shower in weeks. She used to keep a really clean house, cook delicious meals, now all she does is watch tv & occasionally sits outside. She has not been officially diagnosed with dementia but I think she shows signs of it although I’m no expert. She is also very verbally abusive to my dad (tells him she wishes he was dead, calls him a loser, makes fun of him for using a walking stick as he is getting a knee replacement next month, yells at him to get out of the kitchen, etc). He retired last year & she forced him to move to their basement. Last weekend I visited, when I entered their home it stunk bad, my dad was in the process of cleaning the carpet & sofa with a carpet cleaning machine. Then she pooped again on the floor on Tuesday & this (Saturday) morning my dad discovered more new poop on the living room carpet & she was yelling all morning at him so he called the paramedics/police to try to get her to go to the hospital, the paramedics tried to convince her but she refused even after looking at her eyes they told her she is not well & really needs to see a doctor. There is nothing else they could do. It’s our understanding we legally we cannot force her to seek help but she cannot keep going on like this. Any advice? Are there any other resources we should explore?
Next time she becomes abusive to your dad he should call 911 and say he is afraid that she is going to get physical and she may harm him. If she will not go to the hospital the police can take her.
A call to your local Agency on Aging might offer some help.
APS might also be a call to make. While APs would normally be for Abuse this is a form of Self Abuse AND the call would also be FOR your dad. He is being abused by his wife. So there are actually 2 forms of abuse going on.
If he will not make the call you could on his behalf.
https://cdhs.colorado.gov/behavioral-health/substance-use-commitment
I would not feel guilty in placing her. She has done this to herself for whatever reason. She will get the care needs. Maybe, it will turn her life around and she can come home. You just never know.