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She wants to just see what happens without the infusions without hospice but I told her it's not fair to me to keep taking her to the hospital when it's too much!
It's definitely not fair to you! And I feel like it's not really fair to the hospital staff or the other patients there to keep bringing someone into the ER and taking up a bed, when she really should be in another type of facility. Maybe next time you go to the hospital, the doctor there can talk to her about it and have her discharged to hospice? I don't know if/how that would work as far as the details, but if you called the hospice they could talk to you about it....
You already know that your moms dementia is terminal right? She will never get better and eventually it will kill her if something else doesn't first, so why keep forcing her to get infusions for her KF? Instead it may just be better to honor her wishes and bring hospice on board, as they will try their best to keep her comfortable for whatever time she may have left. I mean why would you want her to continue to live the way she is, knowing that the outcome will be death either way? That's not fair to her or to you. I'm sure if your mom was in her right mind she would just tell you that she's had a good life and now it's time for her to leave this world for the next. Blessings to you and your mom.
It's definitely not fair to you! And I feel like it's not really fair to the hospital staff or the other patients there to keep bringing someone into the ER and taking up a bed, when she really should be in another type of facility. Maybe next time you go to the hospital, the doctor there can talk to her about it and have her discharged to hospice? I don't know if/how that would work as far as the details, but if you called the hospice they could talk to you about it....
What will 'happen' is that mom will continue to need hospitalization, and like you said, you'll need to keep dragging her back & forth to the ER. I'd tell her she needs hospice on board if she refuses treatment at this juncture, b/c they can offer her comfort care that is the alternative to running back & forth to the hospital. With dementia at play, she's not capable of making rational decisions, so this is where you as her POA (providing you DO hold POA for her) come in to make decisions for her. Because going back & forth to the hospital causes nothing but agony for BOTH of you, imo, after caring for my aged mother for 10+ years and dealing with LOTS of ER visits myself. I can tell you honestly that when hospice came on board, I heaved a huge sigh of relief that going to the ER would finally stop happening.
I hope you can get thru to mom that hospice is the way to go now. Best of luck to you.
If Mom has Kidney Failure (assuming that is what KF stands for)and she stops her dialysis she will die. Thats why the doctor recommends Hospice. Can she understand that? I lost two friends to kidney failure. One chose to stop his dialysis, the other was on Peritoneal dialysis which is a last ditch effort when regular dialysis does not work. They were both gone in 2 weeks. The toxins get into their blood stream and they become septic.
You have a big decision here. If Mom choses to go off, she will pass. So better she has Hospice who will keep her comfortable. This means no more hospitalizations.
sometimes a person can live for several months with kidney failure without dialysis, although renal specialist MDs want them to go right onto dialysis as that will preserve any remaining kidney function. One way that people pass is that their kidneys gradually shut down and they lose consciousness. Hospice is good for patients in this situation - she clearly qualifies and can have as many quality days as possible without going to hospital or dialysis center. As she declines, hospice helps support all of you. I'd encourage you to reach out to non profit or not for profit hospices in your area and ask for information. Beware of anyone who wants to rush out and enroll her right away. Those are the 'profit making' hospice franchises. Not in it for the caring.
Once on hospice doesn’t mean always on hospice. She can withdraw or be dropped from the program. My mother was in and off hospice for 2.5 years. I don’t know how likely that is in your mom’s case, but you could discuss it so that she’d feel that she has an out, even though probably an unrealistic one. It might make her feel better.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Instead it may just be better to honor her wishes and bring hospice on board, as they will try their best to keep her comfortable for whatever time she may have left. I mean why would you want her to continue to live the way she is, knowing that the outcome will be death either way?
That's not fair to her or to you. I'm sure if your mom was in her right mind she would just tell you that she's had a good life and now it's time for her to leave this world for the next.
Blessings to you and your mom.
ER would finally stop happening.
I hope you can get thru to mom that hospice is the way to go now. Best of luck to you.
You have a big decision here. If Mom choses to go off, she will pass. So better she has Hospice who will keep her comfortable. This means no more hospitalizations.