Mom has dementia. Had her take a professional driving test in Jan. Had to wait 2 months and pay over $400 and she passed! Any advice?

Older people see the car as more than transportation and many will fight to keep driving despite evidence of serious safety issues. One alternative is to make sure the car isn't drivable (pull the wires from her spark plugs) and let her have it as long as it doesn't cost her too much to keep it parked there. Have a plan for alternative transportation when she calls for help. If she is really that confused, she won't be able to call a mechanic to get it working again. You can also help her lose her keys...

If mom has dementia, she needs to be evaluated to determine if she is capable of taking care of herself and finances. And if there is a deficiency in either category, she needs help. What do the caregivers at the continuing care community think? They most likely see her more than anyone else. I'm sure that they'll be happy to express their concerns and glad that you're bringing up the issue. (Unfortunately, they will have concerns. She has dementia). Does she need a higher level of care? Can she be left alone? As hard as it is to hear, her impairments are increasing. That's dementia. I'm sorry that this is her situation, but you care for her and want the best for her.

Lose they keys. Tell her she no longer has insurance bc of all the accidents, so she can't drive. Show the pictures. Hide the car.
DISABLE the car. Say part on order. If she keeps asking, say we discussed this and it's a special part. It's on back order.
400 sounds like a rip off. Where did you take her for this test? The DMV doesn't charge that.

Update. After weeks of waiting, doc calls me and asks if I want him to write to DMV regarding mom's test and driving. Uhh. Yeah. He states the DMV (in Ohio) won't actually revoke her license. However, when she goes to renew her license they won't renew because they will have his letter on file. Luckily, her license expires next month. I have little faith the DMV would actually deny her renewal. More like I will have to object and tell them to look in her file. We'll see. Had to put a club on her car to keep her from driving. She refuses to go to senior center activities. Refuses to go on senior weekly shopping trip, yet wants us to shop daily for her.

In Virginia where my sister (Alzheimer's) lives, I asked the local police to have her license taken away. They said they couldn't stop her unless she did something illegal. They said her doctor who gave her the diagnosis could send a form letter to the state and they would send a letter to my sister informing her that her license to drive was rescinded.

If I remember correctly, she was very unhappy and, finally, we went to see her doctor and he told her directly, why she couldn't drive anymore. I suggested that she give her car to the young woman who shops and cleans for her. That way she could ride in her car driven by her friend. Being the gracious person she is, she thought that was a wonderful idea and accepted the decision.

Another example of a stubborn elder-- my late aunt, who lived in a senior living apartment and about 4 miles from my late mother's house, drove her car into her apartment building. Then, with her face bleeding, arrived at my mother's house. My mother asked her what had happened. My aunt's response= "Oh, nothing." Ahh---what do you mean NOTHING, you are bleeding from your head!

Think best solution is one offered by freqflyer. Did same thing with my mother as she was getting lost frequently and not remembering her address. Kept telling her car in for repairs and parts hard to get etc. We drove her to appointments and took her out to shop and dine. Eventually, she forgot about car! Know car represents independence, but safer for her and others if she no longer drives.

Contact the DMV in writing and let them know if your concern (I did this with my Dad and asked that they keep it anonymous). They will suspend her license and ask the doctor to fill out a medical review form. Hopefully your doctor is on the same page! It's very difficult, but necessary for her safety as well as others! Good luck!

First, call mom's neurologist and have the MD make a dementia referral to the DMV for revocation of her driving privilege. And take the car and car keys to a secure location. 2. Mom sounds as though she needs are more secure environment, eg. no car keys, no handling of money, not living on her own, etc. 3. If mom has dementia, you must become the responsible adult. In this situation, mom needs supervision, love, and care. The most loving thing you can do for her is to make sure she is in a safe environment. And that the rest of us will be safe from her driving, wandering, fire in the kitchen or whatever harm she may engage in that potentially can harm others.

The question of age/mental capacity etc is a difficult one as is how and when to take the keys away from a parent or spouse. I worked as a personal lines/commercial lines insurance adjuster for 27 years and saw the aftermath of what can happen. It is not a pretty picture.

My honey after having his major stroke in 2005 didn't care to drive until he had recovered enough to where he was thinking like a 16 year old. He would get lost if he walked out of our driveway (had to have police find and bring him home one time), had blank spots in his vision and when I would take him somewhere would ask constantly where we were at. Right after his strokes I took him off the insurance and since he had never driven the car we have (got it in 2006) I had the only keys and he did not/does not have access to them. When he starts talking about driving, I tell him that he is not on the insurance and if anything happened they would take me to jail for allowing him to drive. Now he does not ask.

To me it is just not worth taking the risk of him hurting or killing someone else or himself. I am almost 67 and if I continue to have tia's or when I forget what I did at an intersection or start getting lost in a familiar part of town my driving days will be over as I have strong pics in my head from photos and being at the scene of severe and deadly accidents.

I go to the eye doctor tomorrow to have my eyes checked. If I am told by my doctor it is time to not drive.... I am done and will start looking for alternative transportation. Definitely would save us about 200.00 a month and I will miss the freedom but not worth the risk.

Sorry, hope this gives a little different outlook on driving.

vadaughter: Yikes! How unfortunate that she passed! Good grief---so you don't even know if this was a single vehicle accident or if she did damage to someone else's car?  Adding to FF's post-- "the auto parts are no longer being manufactured." Sorry, the end of driving.

Story about my late father-in-law. He had pulled up to get gas. A young man pulled up and was getting his gas, too, but spoke to my FIL, saying "Sir, do you realize that you almost killed my son and I back there on the road?" My FIL always the jokester laughed.

Hi VAdaughter - This is one of the more difficult issues of being a caregiver, causing a lot of resentment and anger for everyone.
Not sure what state you live in, but in my state for instance, it requires that physicians must submit a confidential report to the health department and DMV when an individual is thought to be a danger to themselves or others being diagnosed as having Alzheimer's disease or related disorders, including dementia, severe enough to impair a person's ability to operate a motor vehicle - So, to make a long story short, if you provide the doctor with the same information you've listed here, he can make the determination and be the bad guy. But: here's the caution, just because a person has Alzheimers/dementia or impaired judgement, doesn't mean they don't know how to be crafty. Point being, if the doctor determines she should stop driving, you MUST take away all keys, and/or make the car inoperable. Chances are it won't be easy as you can already see, but it's for her own safety. Quick story - dementia dad had a spare key in the dresser drawer, found it and took off, got lost, but thankfully police brought him back home safe versus a tragic ending. Here's hoping your can get the situation resolved quickly and safely.
globee

Losing the ability to drive means a loss of independence. It’s hard for some to accept that. I sympathize with you. My dad had his license taken away in Nevada because of seizures. He also lost an arm in a car accident 17 years ago. Plus he’s been on tons of meds since the accident. Anyway he refused to stop driving! And my mon has no back bone so she wouldn’t take away the keys. One day he had a doctors appointment about 30 minutes away and mom didn’t drive him that day. I don’t remember why. Anyway he dozed off on the way to the dr and rolled the car, totaling it! He’s lucky he didn’t hurt or kill anyone else. He did spend a few days in the hospital with minor injuries. And he did get a ticket. Don’t know what the charges were but he did get in trouble criminally. He has his license back but I think he still drove after that accident SMDH! And it absolutely infuriated me.

In CA, it’s quite easy to get a license revoked. I was rear-ended by a 83 year old woman and she has some apparent cognitive issues at the scene of the accident so the officer had her license evaluated by the DMV and she ended up losing it. I don’t know if maybe she had dementia or Alzheimer’s. After she hit me, she got out of the drivers seat, and sat in the back seat of her car. Later that night she called the police because her car had been wrecked and she didn’t know what to do. I called her insurance a day later and she hadn’t even called to report the accident to them!

Stitchintime9, my condolences on the passing of your husband. I’ve been through the same. It’s so sad to see them go, but a relief at the same time, because you know they aren’t suffering any longer (and now you can recover from the long battle that you fought for him).

Two years ago, my husband's uncle (Alzheimer's) headed to LV from AZ to visit wife in hospital, ended up in Los Angles and got into an accident! He realized he was lost & made a U-turn in the middle of the highway. Ended up in the hospital. Thank God no one else was seriously hurt.
Car was totaled, and license revoked.

NOT a good idea. Driving should absolutely not be an option.

Hide her keys

Before he gave up his car, my father didn't drive it for months and then the battery was dead when he wanted to go somewhere. He would call AAA and tell them he needed a new battery - he didn't. Finally the fellow figured it out.

I told my father he could only drive the car with another person in it, and since no one else would go with him, that left me. We hid the keys. For a short time, I would ask him if he wanted to drive when we went someplace in his car but mostly I took him in my car, until he decided I should drive. Then he gave his car to my sister who lives in another state. He still obsesses about it but doesn't recognize it when she comes to visit. He no longer recognizes most places, so I am very glad we took the keys away when we did. He barely passed the eye exam to get his last license and his doctor told him he should pass on the driving to someone else. The last time he drove, he drove past the exit to my house and would have kept going except he had a stroke and was smart enough to pull over into a parking lot, where the owner called 911. I tell him, "You wouldn't want to hurt anyone, would you?"

Ahh, for the good old days of distributors. Loosen the wire from the coil to the distributor cap and the engine turns over, but gets no spark. I am sure there is a modern link to the electronics that is similar, and your mechanic will know. Figuring out the alternative transportation is huge, and dementia gets lost there, too. Good luck. Home Health carers in my area often provide transport, much to our relief.

The doctors in California notified the Department of Health that my father had dementia. The Department of Health notified the DMV, and they sent a letter stating that my father had to go in to have a behind the wheel test by a given date or his license would be suspended. I didn't take my father for the test because with my luck, he would have passed. I decided to make one of the hardest decisions I have yet to make and that was to take his keys away. At first, I just told him that he had them last and I didn't know where they were. I finally got brave enough to tell him that I took his keys away. He was, and still is, so very angry. He tells people that I used to be his favorite and that we were very close until SHE TOOK MY KEYS AWAY. He reminds me that he is the father and those are his cars. I remind him that I could never live with myself if he were to harm someone while driving a car and I know that he is not a safe driver anymore. They would have to arrest me. He keeps quiet for a while...until the next time. Good luck. It's not easy, I know. Also, I now add that the state of California suspended his license and so I have to keep his keys.

A health aide or home companion could solve the problems of letting a person go unattended only to get lost and not know where the transportation pick-up place is.

Please do NOT let your mom continue to drive..........it's only a matter of time before she kills someone or herself...what a weight on you that will be to carry around. The doctor can get a form that the DMV will use to revoke her driving privileges. We had to keep telling my M-I-L that she lost her keys so she couldn't drive.

My father's driving skills had degraded slowly over the years and, even when he was in his 70s, were downright scary to the point I refused to get into a car with him. I had been trying, unsuccessfully, for a number of years to get him to give up his driver's license and use any of the dial-a-rides in his city. But, he refused because he didn't want to lose his independence. Because he had macular degeneration, my mom did most of the driving until dementia set in for her. I don't live in the same state where my parents lived (both are now deceased). After receiving a call from my mother's care manager about my then 87 year old father's horrendous and downright scary driving "skills" and the fact that my father couldn't stay in one lane and had almost been engaged in a head-on crash, I contacted his primary care dr, told him what was happening, and he (dr) very willingly contacted (including a written letter) the DMV in my parents' state advising that my father was a danger behind the wheel. The DMV suspended my father's license until he had retaken the road test. He was also required to have an eye test in addition to the road test. He didn't pass the eye test at the DMV, and was told to go to his eye dr for retesting and further eye examination, because his macular degeneration was impairing his vision. His eye dr did the eye exam (including test) and stupidly declared that my father's vision was fine for driving. Maybe my father paid the dr off-- who knows. The eye dr then wrote a note to the DMV stating that my father's eyesight was fine for driving, even with macular degeneration. Fortunately, he failed the road test and his driver's license was permanently revoked. And, he had the sense not to try to drive on a revoked license, so sold his car soon after failing the test. While he mainly used dial-a-ride services in his city, he also at times had people drive him places. It helps when your parent's doctor is on your side and willing to go the extra mile.

My suggestion, is to use a dial-a-ride service. Many of them offer a ride pass card (you pay by the month or maybe for 3 months) which comes out to be less expensive per ride than if you pay each time you use the service. The nice thing is that if the person has a standing appointment, they can set up a schedule with the dial-a-ride company well in advance to be picked up each time, instead of having to call for each of those appointments. If your mom lives in a facility, often facilities have their own shuttle services, although they may not go every place she needs to go. But, if you can use the dial-a-ride services, even if only for the times you're not available to drive your mom, that could take alot of pressure off of you.

I also agree with what others in this thread have stated about taking your mom's car keys away (and all copies, as well). But, go one step further-- take the car, as well, and park it at your house, and use the fib suggested by various people in this thread. If this doesn't work and you can't get the car keys or car away from her, I suggest alerting the local police and giving them the car description and license plate number.

Good luck. Trying to get an elderly parent to give up their driver's license is a big challenge. Your mom, like my father was, is fighting to maintain her independence. And, driving means independence as we all know from when we first got our driver's licenses when we were teenagers.

I went through some of what you are going through with your mother. My mother who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's didn't renew her license, but she already had a valid driver license and insisted on driving. She would get lost plus driving over curbs, trouble parking and trouble pulling into garage even though it was a double car garage and they only had one vehicle. You can do the same thing, but if she has Alzheimer's or dementia she isn't going to remember her license is revoked. You really are doing this for you in case she does drive and is stopped by police. However, you will need to have a written letter from her doctor, we had one from the neurologist that diagnosed my mom with Alzheimer's to go through the process of having her license revoked.

I contacted State of Michigan and told them she should not be driving and her license needed to be revoked. They told me what form to get online and fill out and send in along with copy of doctor's letter stating that she should not be driving and the reason. Did that and not too long after all documents sent in she received a letter from State of Michigan Department of Motor Vehicles that were revoking (cancelling) her driver license.

Enough my mother still insisted on driving I figured if she did drive and was stopped by police they would checked her drivers license and see that it had been revoked and they would not let her drive and take to police station and I would gladly go pick her up. I finally got so tired of listening to her "I can drive" my brother and I devised a plan to take away her car. At first we hid the car keys, but that just seem to make matters worse because she could still see the vehicle, so my brother took her car to his house and when my mother asked where is my car we would tell her "mom remember you let ==== borrow your car, because his is in the shop and they had to order parts and since he has a foreign car it is taking longer". My mom would then say "oh yes. I do remember that". "I just wish they would hurry up and get his car fixed". Well that went on for 2 years same question and same little white lie. After awhile she just quit asking or saying anything about her vehicle.


For us taking her car away was a huge stress reliever of not having to worry at times that she could get into the car and leave if we were down stairs doing laundry or outside doing yard work. For us revoking the license, with finally removing the car worked out very well.

My late husband, who had vascular dementia, lost a lot of his depth perception ability and sense of direction. He managed to hire a man at the VA (no connection as my husband was never in the armed services) to give him "driving lessons." The driving instructor passed him to drive at no more than 25 mph, distances less than 5 miles, and only right hand turns." He used this information to drive from the independent living facility we were then in to get hair and nail services. Fortunately he had no accidents then (although he had had two and gotten lost before we moved from Atlanta to Memphis to be near our children). As his TIA attacks increased, he lost interest in driving--until he had the stroke that killed him. In the ER, he kept saying, "I have to be able to drive.." I think that shows how important the feeling of independence that comes from driving is. The new driverless cars aren't going to come along in time for us, but maybe that's the answer to a lot of driving problems!

Stop feeling guilty and take the darn keys away. Can say the keys got misplaced or disable the car.
You have a bigger responsibility to OTHER DRIVERS out on the road who don't want their children or themselves killed! What if the aging parent pulls out in front of a car, or drives in the wrong lane?
Guilt shouldn't over ride common sense.

VADAUGHTER,
My stepfather's drivers license would have had to be renewed this Dec, before we had to place he and Mom in an assisted living group home, but we had taken both to the doctor in April for their 'mental' exams.
All you need is a letter from the doctor stating her mental/physical conditions; hand it over to the DMV and then they can take her drivers license away. It would have been easier if you had it before she took her test.
Since it is obvious that she has had a few accidents since, get the police report to backup the reason her license needs to be taken from her. Will she be upset, yes; you have a cover since it will be the DMV that takes it away from her, she can't argue since it is the State government.
My Mother realized on her own a few years back she could not drive any longer...thank God. My step-father on the other hand, he would get upset if any of us told him we would chauffer (those of us who would do this all live out of State). After he got into the car and saw that he could just look around, give directions (never argued with him, had to give him some authority) he would say every single time, "it's really nice to have a chauffer".
It was already agreed between the step-siblings/me that he would take his driving test (the road test, we would make sure), give all of the necessary paperwork to the DMV person for a heads up and then it wouldn't be an issue. I'm sure he would have thrown a major fit (Alzheimer's does that), but he wouldn't be able to do any thing about it.
PROBLEM SOLVED

It seems that people who have driven for decades have the skill deeply embedded in their brain therefore they can pass a driving test but not be able to find the car in the parking lot to go home - you don't question that she knows how to go to the toilet, take a bath, unlock the front door etc but they are all life skills that she had to learn as is driving - they is so automatic that we forget we actually learned them a long time ago & they are so deeply ingrained in us that we do them without thinking - someone who has driven for 60 years [that's 16 to 76] also does much of it routinely

Mom got a case of the shingles. That was my opportunity to transition her to using the council on aging van and me for transportation. Over time, she adjusted and I think she felt relieved. During that window of opportunity, I collected her keys and put them in a safe place. Just know that if your loved one has memory issues and that more than one older adult drove the vehicle that there could be multiple copies of the car keys. So far, I have found six!