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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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What can you tell us about the particular lady that your mother has taken against? Is she a caregiver, friend, family member, visitor from a religious congregation? Is she well known to your mother, and previously well-liked?
There could be any number of underlying reasons for your mother's behaviour towards her, ranging from the woman's having given your mother cause to fear or dislike her (inadvertently or otherwise), to the woman's triggering some unconscious unpleasant memory in your mother, to something about the woman (perfume, texture of clothing, tone of voice) that rubs her up the wrong way, to nothing comprehensible at all. I should think it unlikely that the lady has actually done a thing to deserve this, but it's not impossible - has that crossed your mind?
But let's assume the lady hasn't done anything wrong. In any case, unless she needs to be there for some real purpose, I should think that the best thing to do for now is to explain to her that while you want to stress that she is in no way to blame it would be better if she did not visit for the time being.
The lady is a the daughter of one of the other residents. I have a feeling it may be a jealousy thing, she talks to my Dad when they’re both there visiting. She tried talking to mom too but mom has lost her ability to speak. Mom still knows her husband and has always been protective of him...?
When my mother suffered from dementia she developed a fear and strong dislike of men. I have no idea why. The bad theng was, she assumed everyone with short hair was a man. Many women in her facility had short hair and she slapped three of them that I know of.
If your mother is delusional, she is not seeing this person—she is seeing someone else. Can you ask her why she doesn’t like this person?
There is no rhyme or reason why they act like they do. As we say here "her brain is broken". They get something in their mind and they won't let it go.
Brumble, it may be time to have your Mom checked for an Urinary Tract Infection. Such an infection can cause all types of strange symptoms when it happens to an older person.
I see by your profile that your Mom is living in Assisted Living, see if a nurse can do an UTI test.
Definitely rule out the Urinary Tract infection first. Not uncommon at all for Parkinson's delusions to have a good deal of paranoid mistaken things happening. This particular lady should not visit for a while. This may help a lot. Try 15 days without visit and see how that goes, but do the U/A first of anything else.
Yes she is in an assisted living/memory care facility. The lady comes there to visit her Mother. Mom used to be sweet to her but all of a sudden, she’s not!?
Brumble, I'm all for family members and loved ones sharing experience and moral support, but in this instance it clearly does upset your mother and her needs come first. There doesn't have to be a rational basis to her dislike for its cause to be avoided, especially when it can so easily be avoided.
If your mother can't talk or can't talk well now, the only way she can express her objection is by acting out, and she does. It's a shame, and I'm sure the lady means well, but it won't hurt her to steer clear of your parents.
Try the non-invasive measures first. Limiting her contact with your mom for a while may help. Try asking your mom on one of her good days, what upsets her about the girl, but if your mom denies it...don't push her...at this stage we aren't looking to cure things...just to make things easier. The UTI investigation is a good idea too. Infections can cause odd behaviour in the elderly, and women are more prone to UTI's. If all else fails, consult a doctor. Medications may be necessary to prevent a harmful accident.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
There could be any number of underlying reasons for your mother's behaviour towards her, ranging from the woman's having given your mother cause to fear or dislike her (inadvertently or otherwise), to the woman's triggering some unconscious unpleasant memory in your mother, to something about the woman (perfume, texture of clothing, tone of voice) that rubs her up the wrong way, to nothing comprehensible at all. I should think it unlikely that the lady has actually done a thing to deserve this, but it's not impossible - has that crossed your mind?
But let's assume the lady hasn't done anything wrong. In any case, unless she needs to be there for some real purpose, I should think that the best thing to do for now is to explain to her that while you want to stress that she is in no way to blame it would be better if she did not visit for the time being.
If your mother is delusional, she is not seeing this person—she is seeing someone else. Can you ask her why she doesn’t like this person?
I see by your profile that your Mom is living in Assisted Living, see if a nurse can do an UTI test.
Not uncommon at all for Parkinson's delusions to have a good deal of paranoid mistaken things happening. This particular lady should not visit for a while. This may help a lot. Try 15 days without visit and see how that goes, but do the U/A first of anything else.
If your mother can't talk or can't talk well now, the only way she can express her objection is by acting out, and she does. It's a shame, and I'm sure the lady means well, but it won't hurt her to steer clear of your parents.
The UTI investigation is a good idea too. Infections can cause odd behaviour in the elderly, and women are more prone to UTI's.
If all else fails, consult a doctor. Medications may be necessary to prevent a harmful accident.