My mother's financial adviser told her 3yrs ago "if she didn't stop spending money that she might have to do a reverse mortgage " but since then she has lowered her spending by 90% . At this time she doesn't need to do this loan. Plus our plans have changed to sell and move to Nevada within the next year. And I am moving in with her to help. We have met with 4 reverse mortgage agents, but this one lady has befriend my mom. Mom is lonely all her friends are gone. This agent is too friendly with mom. I have been told that it is not professional for an agent to act the way she is. Any suggestions?
Even if u don't have POA, I would call the agent explaining you are her daughter and to please stop calling your mother. Tell the agent since Mom suffers from Dementia she is not competent to make financial decisions. If she chooses to continue to call Mom, you will file a complaint. Be nice but firm.
What you need to do for yourself is educate yourself with the facts.
At the end of that, if your Mom choose to do this it is on her. Not you.
Do arm yourself and her with facts and comments from forums.
My partner's Mom DID a reverse mortgage and it worked very well for her. No family lived near her. She had a paid for home in a "precious" desert community. She did the reverse mortgage so that the monthly check from it, combined with other income and Social security gave her enough to pay caregivers so she could stay in her home until her death. So it was a godsend to her. Her asset going to her care.
But these loans are tricky and some are VERY VERY tricky. My advice to your Mom is to be VERY CAREFUL. The friendship of this woman or man should NOT include trying to sell a product he or she makes money off of. With friends like THAT no one needs an enemy.
It is one thing to be friendly, it is another to apply high pressure sales tactics on vulnerable people.
First, try to find a substitute for the "friendship", which I suspect will gradually fade and eventually end if your mother were to take out a reverse mortgage.
Secondly, think about how to find other social opportunities, difficult under the circumstances, but worth a try. If your mother's area has a senior center which is open and requires masking, that's definitely a good possibility. Since you'll be moving in with Mom, plan your day to include relaxing chats to counteract her loneliness, and if Mom is able to walk, plan local walks in the neighborhood, masked so that you can interact with neighbors.
Third, I detected a sense of explanation in your thread, as to why an RM isn't needed. You, nor does anyone else, need to explain to any salesperson why a purchase isn't desirable. They have no rights to that kind of courtesy.
Fourth, given the pressure some sales agents create, I would be very forthright and blunt, but not explanatory. A simple advice that your mother doesn't need an RM should suffice. If it doesn't, you can raise the issue of having to report the agent to the company hawking RMs.
Fifth, I would spend some time at this site, to acquaint yourself with the Federal government's role in RMs, and if necessary tell the agent that you may have to report her and the company she represents if she continues to raise the issue (i.e., "pressure your mother") of an RM. You could also mention filing a complaint with the BBB.
https://reverse.mortgage/government-role
If you consider either of these after other options don't work, spend time with Mom when the agent is there and discreetly document the number of times she raises getting an RM. Or just pretend to be taking notes and document.
If that doesn't work, be aware that (if I understand correctly) counseling from a HUD approved agency is required before executing RM documents. Go with Mom to that meeting and express your own thoughts so the agent becomes aware of the subtle pressure exerted by the saleswoman.
Sixth, or you can tell her Mom just inherited funds from a relative and has no need of an RM. This salesperson does NOT require nor is she entitled to explanations on your mother's financial decisions.
Remember this always: these are personal financial issues and NO salesperson is entitled to justifications why someone isn't interested.
Please please reread everyone’s posts, make notes as to suggestions and find a elder law atty to update your moms legal and try to get her bank accounts as POD/ TOD to you ASAP.
Listen we get it, all of us have in some way had to deal with a parent who isn’t competent and cognitive. As Alva posted, it sounds like she’s on the cusp of competency. You have to get stuff done while she’s still somewhat able to appear competent and cognitive. If that means she goes to the beauty shoppe on Tuesday and then to attys office on Wednesday between 9-11 as she’s still perky then & looking good, it’s what you gotta do. She need to be able to show some competency.
If she’s been target by grifters once, it’s likely to happen again.
My mom had Lewy Body Dementia and could carry on a reasonable conversation for the 3-10 minutes most folks stop to chat in. She was still good on the ADLs & knew how to coordinate her wardrobe and did weekly beauty shoppe. She had decades of being very social to kick in to autopilot. But if you really talked with her beyond a few minutes, she was in another solar system filled with false beliefs. Thankfully her legal, banking, codicil was all done way way before she moved into a NH. You can’t wait on stuff as the bank will likely want her to sit in a bank officers office on her own to verify that whatever’s being changed is what she wants to do. If you take her to SSA office, they will do this too.
Really for her own safety and security, and your own sanity, get with an atty to review her legal and do whatever fresh needed & soon.
"The purpose of the FTC is to enforce the provisions of the Federal Trade Commission Act, which prohibits "unfair or deceptive acts or practices in commerce." The Clayton Antitrust Act (1914) also granted the FTC the authority to act against specific and unfair monopolistic practices"
See All Answers