My mom has recently been diagnosed with congestive heart failure, she also, I believe has dementia. She rarely wants to bathe anymore. One Doctor thinks dementia. Took her to Neurologist but didn't fully evaluate her. Said she has brain shrinkage. Very concerned about this possibility as her mom died from complications of Alzheimer's. I found pills I gave her in an automated dispenser by the toilet two weeks in a row. She wouldn't explain to me how they got there. Now today I found her last nights dinner in the toilet, seems it backed up a little. I asked her what happened, she always goes quiet. She said she threw it up, but the food was in solid uneaten pieces. She's lying. I'm completely fed up! I spend a fortune on supplements, the right foods to heal her, nutritious, healthy and tasty. I don't know what to do at this point. She wants to eat junk food, heart unhealthy stuff, pop pain pills and stay in bed. What should I do?
If you tell a bit more about your Mom (age? living arrangements? How long this has been going on?) you will probably get some great ideas for helping her. Is she by herself? Can you get some help in? It is amazing what a parent will do for an outsider (shower, clean clothes etc) that they won't do for you. It seems to me that she needs more help, direction and focus than what is currently available. Routine generally helps dementia patients. Please tell us more.
Does your mom live alone? You may need to get her a bit of help with her medication.
My aunt lives alone. She began to have problems that all led back to her not taking her thyroid medication correctly. I had to bring a care taker in for two hours (one would have been enough but couldn't find a care taker that would come in for only one hr) each day to give her meds properly. Since they were going to be there two hours, we added to make a hot breakfast to include eggs and oatmeal or grits. Since she only got bathed twice a week (through HH) and had begun to sleep in her clothes, we added changing her clothes daily, helping her brush her teeth, comb her hair, etc.
Now we have an aid three hours a day and they keep pretty busy...
Every old person has brain shrinkage. That doesn't indicate dementia to me because doctors have told me that all brains shrink as we age. Like other muscles. However it does sound like your mom is slipping.
Stop spending your money on her food and supplements. If she doesn't have adequate funds to pay her way, she needs to apply for medicaid. You need to save your money for your own retirement.
Depending on your state and the type of medicare she has, she can get some Home Health assistance to check on her weekly, to bath her and to help her manage her CHF.
I assume your mom is on blood thinner and a diuretic and has been told to watch her weight (a sudden weight gain of a pound or two can indicate she is holding fluid and that she is having a CHF episode). My mom weighed herself every morning and recorded it. But my mom didn't have dementia. You mom might not be able to do this on her own. I know my aunt couldn't
Call your local Area Agency on Aging and ask them to come in to see what services your mom is eligible for.
I know it is very stressful to make food for your mom and see her throw it away. Try not to take it personal. Sometimes it doesn't suit their taste. Sometimes it looks like too much food in the refrigerator, sometimes they think it is spoiled.
It took me quite awhile to get my aunt to eat healthier food. It's like going on a diet, one has to clean their palate. Now I just try to give her foods that are lower in salt (on three BP meds) and hydrate her. At 91 I don't worry too much about the perfect balance of protein to veggies to starch. If she gets a good breakfast and has access to other food throughout the day I know she is eating better than she has the 20 years before I started taking care of her. After her husband died, she quit cooking and started on junk food.
My mother watched her food like a hawk. Would not eat a speck of green. Her doctor told her to eat anything she wanted and they would adjust her blood thinner around it. She was too afraid of falling and bleeding out. Nor would she eat salt as that was the worst thing for CHF. But again, she understood what the repercussions would be. I think it is much more difficult if one continues to eat junk food than to just eat healthy. The palate rejects the healthy for salt and sugar. The salt and sugar have to be restricted before the taste of healthy food is appealing.
I suspect your mom goes silent when you question her because she doesn't remember. She knows she is in trouble with you. She hears your criticism but doesn't know why the food is where it is and how it got there. She is probably in tune enough to know that she is the only likely person to have put it there but she doesn't know when or why she would have. It's hard for us to believe. That's one reason to get evaluated. Try a different doctor. The one you mentioned doesn't sound too swift himself.
For your sake and your moms you need to educate yourself on dementia. You will know if what you are reading or hearing sounds like what you have been going through. Check out Teepa Snow on Utube. Her videos are short and very informative.
Pick up the book "Being Mortal" and it will help shift your attitude to understand what is truly important.
Go slowly. Make small changes. Get her up and out. Don't fuss. She won't be here much longer and you will miss her. What does she have to get out of bed for? Help her find something to look forward to. Go to visit, not correct her. You don't say how old she is but I imagine that she has lived a long life calling the shots for herself. She must have done something right. Most of us are addicted to salt and sugar. It's hard to give up.
Look up the term confabulation. She believes what she is saying. She isn't lying. It's one of the earlier signs of dementia.
It's very hard to see one's mother decline. We would rather believe they are wasting food, spoiled, lazy and lying than that they have a broken brain. She is most likely concerned about the CHF, and very confused as to how she has gotten to where she is.
Give her and yourself a hug and come back to this site and vent often. It will help you both.