She hides her purse and money under her clothes. It’s only my husband and me. We don’t need her $80 that she asked me to give her from her bank. This is a new thing. She has absolutely nowhere to spend her SS. WE take care of her 1 month at a time - 4 siblings. She’s 93 and has moderately severe dementia. Never before accused us of stealing from her... now she doesn’t trust us. Hard for me to take.
Just keep reassuring her that her money is safe and so is she.
It may be getting to difficult for her to be moved every month to. Change is very hard on a demented mind and can make things worse.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Here is a list of useful tips for you to use when dealing with mom nowadays:
The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The "Do's"
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.
A good book to read is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin. Learn all you can about AD/dementia b/c knowledge is power!
Wishing you the best of luck with all that's going on.
I see you - so you must have taken it.
Very hard to reason with this. You may have to join her 'reality' instead.
Oops, I must have moved it..?
So sorry Mother.
Or keeping multiple purses/handbags may help. Place photocopies of important cards & even cash. Or just keep coins in each.
Or blame the theft on the faeries, goblins or ghosts. Then when it is found.. "the goblins have brought it back!"
These ideas come from a man I met who had bought many bags in his local thrift shop, filled them with tissues, purse, copies & coins. His Mother was convinced the photo of the Saint on the wall was a ghost who stole in the night! 😆
He got through that stage, at first with shock, then with humour. You will too.
As time went on, his Mother didn't always recognise him. HER son was a cute blond BOY of 5, or a long haired teen, or a young man.. not this bald old man. He was sometimes her son & sometimes just that man who visits.
But she knew he loved her. That's the main thing ❤️
She accuses you of stealing because whatever it is, is not where she thinks it is supposed to be. It could be money, it could be toothpaste, it could be leftover food that she already ate. You cannot make it right unless you can produce the item and she accepts it as the one she thought was stolen.
It will get worse. All I can suggest is to have a wallet with 1 or 2 bills and a few coins and nothing more her purse. Each night, before she goes to bed, with her, validate where the purse is, where the wallet is and how much is in the wallet. Account for any difference in money. If she asks you why you are doing this, tell her it is so that you have peace of mind that she has all of her money. Maybe once she sees that you care more about the item than she does, then her concern will be gone.
If it gets too tedious, switch her over to a credit card and put the credit card on auto pay. Then make sure the credit card is in her purse every night.
Good luck. This is a tough phase....if it ever has an end....
People use this phrase a lot on here. There is no such thing as moderately to severe Dementia IMO. By the time its severe the person doesn't know who you are or who they are.
This is paranoia and those suffering from Dementia go thru the "money" thing in one way or another. My Mom it was she needed money to give to someone.