It has been 8 days since we brought her to the ED for depression with paranoia. She is not giving permission for the hospital to give me any information. The social worker reached out last week only due to the Dr "overruling" my moms decision to call me. She is still acting paranoid and I'm worried what is going to happen next. The social worker said she does not qualify to go into a nursing home. But maybe some type of assisted living. I asked that she be evaluated for dementia but I have not heard back from the social worker in 4 days. When I call, the nurse will only say "she is stable, that is all we can tell you". I am supposed to go visit my in laws in a week (for 7 days) and I don't know what is going to happen with my mom, when or where she will be discharged. I am concerned but also upset that she will not talk to me or allow the staff to give me information. I am not her POA but all of her belongings, car, clothes, mail is at my house. Any suggestion on what to do next?
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Step away. Pack up her stuff. No one has POA, as of your last post, so no one can do anything.
If mom calls and rants, you say "I see. What are you going to do?"
I would not suggest, nor would I cajole. Look up Grey Rock.
Don't do anything, back away for good, let the system take care of her. Let her go, this situation will never get better, time to set your boundaries and stick to them.
Time for you to move on.
When you've reached that point - when there is nothing left that you could do to help her, and she still treats you terribly - what will you do then?
YOU were the one who said in the other post you were "done".
Do you have children? Do you know what happens when you start making idle threats to your children, that you have no intention of following through on? They come to the realization that, regardless of their bad behavior, there will be no serious repercussions.
If you made the empty threat to mom that if she continued along the same path and behavior, you would be "done" and now, here you are, standing at the ready to take her abuse, what incentive have you given her to modify the way she treats you? Perhaps she was "doing better" because of your stepping back before? And then changed her behavior back to her old tricks once you entered back into her life?
As far as answering to God, what answer will you give him if he asks why you wasted the precious time he gave you here on Earth trying to help someone who clearly didn't want it? Do you think he expects you to stand by and be abused, when he has given you the means and ability to end it? Even Jesus warned against "casting your pearls before swine". How is it honoring God to allow yourself to be treated like dirt?
You are letting guilt drive your actions, and that isn't healthy for you. And I'm sorry if you think the answers here are blunt, but sometimes it's hard to sugar-coat advice when you see someone setting themselves up to fail. Especially when it seems they're being manipulated into those actions.
I sincerely hope you can find some peace and a viable solution to this situation.
There is nothing you can do next because they are telling you mom is competent to make her own decisions. I dont think she is and neither do you but until she has a more serious breakdown this is the terrible situation you are left in. Knowing mom needs help but not being able to do anything to help her because mom has issued an almost 100% blackout on giving you access to her medical situation and talking to her doctors.
And whatever you do, don't move her into your home.
You seem to want to be "done" with your mother and rescue her at the same time, despite the fact she won't speak to you or allow you access to her medical info.
You want to save someone who hasn't even granted you POA!
What sort of advice would you like that fits your narrative of being "done" with mother AND rescuing her at the same time? As far as I'm concerned, it's one or the other not both.
I vote for going away on your trip.
Bundle up all of mom's things in one place and have them ready for pick up when this current crisis is over. With a promise to yourself not to take the stuff back in when the next crisis hits. Unless you have the funds to put up a shed in your yard to house it all in between visits.
You've been given no rights here but want all the burdens that go along with having those rights. Until such time as your mother gets formally diagnosed with whatever mental illness is going on and flat out ASKS YOU for help and to assume POA for her, I'd step away and STAY AWAY. And stop worrying about judgment day and concentrate on living your best life today.
Good luck to you.
You say she's your mom, yes and Scripture tells us to honor our parents. That means respecting them. Your mom has choosen to exclude you from her care, honor that decision by stepping back and letting her deal with it.
I know the challenge you are facing and the difficulty you have with helping her and being excluded by her, you can only pray that The Lord touches her and that HE shows you the way in this situation.
I had my dads stuff in my garage and it was just there, I opened the mail that needed opening, did what I could with any actions needed and gave him the things I could not deal with, I was okay that almost all of his stuff was stored and I was his mailing address. I would have liked things to have been different but, they weren't and we were never going to have a scriptural family relationship, you do what you can and give it all to The Lord, HE will guide you.
ps: I am my own worst enemy with this. I give it to The Lord, take it back and make myself crazy for a while, give it to The Lord, take it back ad nauseam. Learning to trust that HE is in control and HIS timing is perfect will help you find peace within this storm. God Bless You!
Scripture tells us to help widows (who in the era that the New Testament was written had no means of sustenance); in our day, there is a social support network consisting of universal health insurance for elders, Social Security and social workers in hospitals who are charged with preventing "unsafe discharges".
The truth is that if YOU step in, the safety net deems mom "taken care of" even though she is self-sabotaging, perhaps due to long term mental illness, lack of meds or infection. She needs MEDICAL and MENTAL Health care that is beyond your ability to provide.
I'm not telling you to step away to be mean; I'm telling you to step away because it's the ONLY way she will get the help she needs.
You are a great daughter who cares about Mom. It is very kind of you to store her belongings.
Since she does not want to put you on POA at this point (probably due to some mental illness kicking in on her part) there is not much you can do or initiate.
I know it is tough but I'd go on your trip to your inlaws and try to have a good time.
Either go on your trip and have a miserable time worrying about things you have no control over, or stay home and await the next crisis.
People are being blunt because there's really nothing anyone can offer you, especially in light of your history with your mom.
I am concerned that she will be discharged and come to my house for her belongings and end up with no place to go. I can tell her she needs to find a place. But until that happens, I have no idea where she will go in the meantime. A hotel?
Your mother has been trying to show you who she is, at some point, you HAVE to believe her and move on with your own life, don't you think?
Remember that the hospital & the social worker DO have your number. And trust me, if they need or want you for something, you WILL be called! No news is good news, in my book. Go on your trip to see your in laws and have fun.