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My sister who lives with her is also a smoker. How do I protect myself from second hand smoke My mother does not care anymore who is around her She says its her house and she will smoke if she wants to. Any help would be appreciated
RE: Jessiebelle's answer. Pointing out the possibility of a nursing home and policies concerning smoking is a very important thing to consider. When my mom went to an ALF, she was told that smoking was only permitted in two areas outside the buildings. One was very near my mom's room, so there was no problem for awhile. As she became more comfortable and accepted by the owner, she thought she was above the rules and was caught smoking in her room several times. I was notified each time and talked to mom about the lovely place I was able to help her live in..and that she HAD to stop smoking in her room if she wanted to continue to live there. She claimed she wasn't doing it and made excuses. The owner had no choice. He could have been fined for not following codes or, worse case scenarios, shut down or have a fire! There were people there who were on oxygen. I received a call from the owner one day. He apologized for having to do it, but I was going to have to find my mom another place to live. I spent the entire day searching for what I considered an acceptable place. I ended up in the owner's office that afternoon crying and telling him we couldn't afford any of the places I had looked at and that it was breaking my heart to have to settle for any of the less expensive ones. He owned another facility near there for residents who needed more care and had more employees and supervision. He was kind enough to allow my mom to move to the other facility if we would pay for the extra services mom needed, with the understanding that there would be no more warnings if she was caught smoking in her room. He is one of the most compassionate people I know. Mom didn't smoke in her room. She ended up in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank on the back. After her death, some of the other residents told me she had begged them for cigarettes and had been hiding and smoking. Obviously, by then, she was not allowed to smoke at all. She had been endangering her life, the lives of the other residents and the staff, and the facility. I know smoking has to be a terrible addiction to overcome. It is such a selfish one, though. It involves everyone around the smoker as well as what it does to the air all living creatures on Earth have to breathe. Although it probably sounds as if I am being judgmental, I am not. I have never smoked, so I have no way of understanding how addictive it can be. I just want to let Clairedelune (and more importantly her mother) and others know what complications and stress smokers are setting up for their families. If they don't stop smoking for themselves, they should think of their families and possible circumstances. As an afterthought, my father died sixteen years before mom did. He had CODP and woke up one morning unable to breathe. After that episode, he quit smoking cold turkey. The cancer that eventually killed him, though, began with lung cancer. My heart goes out to smokers who are attempting to defeat their addiction as well as to the people who love them.
Another alternative is to take your mother out for breakfast, lunch or dinner so you don't even have to go in the house, assuming of course that she's ambulatory.
Visit Mom by telephone. Limit your in-person visits to short periods. Sit in the yard or on the porch. It is her house and she will smoke if she wants to, and she wants to.
Your mom's not going to stop smoking at 90. Your sister MIGHT stop, if she has a health scare that frightens her enough. As for protecting yourself against second-hand smoke when you visit them, you can minimize the impact on your lungs by making your visits brief, sitting outside when the weather allows, or wearing a disposable face mask and carrying one of those little hand-held fans with you to blow the smoke in another direction. It's interesting to see how the attitude toward cigarette smoking has changed in your mother's lifetime, from it being considered sophisticated and sort-of healthy ("Have a Lucky instead of a sweet!") to cigarettes being part of the supplies that were issued to soldiers in WWII, when people smoked EVERYWHERE, even in grocery stores and hospitals, to when I was a teenager in the 1970s, and there was a separate smoking room in my high school that was set aside for students who had a note from their parents giving them permission to smoke, (teachers had their own "smoking lounge") to today, when cigarette smoking is frowned upon, and rightfully so. It must be very hard for people of your mother's age to change their habits, especially when those habits are physically addictive. I feel sorry for her.
Just FYI, the ingredients used in ecigs are a known entity that emits a harmless vapor. I know because I have made up my own vapor liquid and use at most 3 harmless ingredients, 2 if you don't use a flavoring. Ecigs may or may not contain nicotine. You purchase a descending amount to taper off, and I enjoy them with zero nicotine content because I like the flavors (banana, chocolate, strawberry, etc.) enjoy the "smoking" process, and it helps me not overeat. While they are not going to make anyone healthier (except for the potential to get someone off regular cigarettes - wow!) the worst thing they do is cause dry mouth. For the life of me, I can't understand why people who dislike actual smoking would try to put down something that other people may be using in a desperate attempt to quit an addiction. Oh, and making rude faces at people doesn't help at all.
The only way I know to avoid the secondhand smoke in someone else's house is not to be there. If your sister is there now, does your mother need an extra caregiver? Are you also living there or just visiting? If your mother is 90 and smokes, I think it is a bit late to try to change her. If she has to go into a nursing home, you may want to try the electronic cigarettes, since she won't be able to smoke there.
Good heavens, I can't image what the inside of that house must smell like, and all the nicotine stains on the walls, ceilings, light fixtures, cabinets, carpets, toothbrushes, etc. But like you said, it's her house.
I would just limit my visits to a few minutes if you go inside, there just aren't any other choices.
JessieBelle, I remember back when people thought regular cigarettes were harmless. Well anyone who uses the e-cig are considered "guinea pigs" to see what is harmful in said product. At the moment, it's a myth that the e-cigs are safe, because no scientific studies have been made over a certain time period. E-cig will not help a smoker to quit, because the e-cig still contains nicotine, and the vapor contains a chemical similar to what is used in anti-freeze.
What is sad about serious illnesses/death from tobacco is that tobacco use is a *choice*.
Clairdelune, first response "rock on baby! Going strong at 90. Woo-hoo!"
Sensible response, now: your mother must have the same consideration that a younger person, e.g. me, would expect to have for non-smokers. Rule is, you don't smoke in the presence of people who do not like it. You just don't. It is very bad manners.
As it happens, for health reasons I also don't smoke anywhere near my mother; although actually, never having smoked herself, she's never minded cigarettes. So in our house there are is two sitting rooms that don't smell 'smoky' (and one that does but I like it like that). Would something like that work at your mother's house? Is there a room that she and her sister can keep as a smoke-free zone for you and other visitors? - I'm sure you're not the only person they know who's uncomfortable with it.
But, in the end, true, it is her house and she can smoke if she wants to. If she wants to smoke *all the time* more than she wants to see her daughter it's a pretty poor state of affairs, is all I can say. In that case, you'll have to confine your visits to the summer months and sit out in the garden?
DaughterAut, take a step back and look at this and laugh.
Your family doesn't feel remotely guilty that they don't go and see your mother (oh, I forgot - only because they live too far away. Pity about that, or they'd be over every day, right?).
But they think you should feel guilty for objecting to spending time in a confined space with someone who smokes.
Uh-huh. They do, do they?
You're doing fine by your mother, relax. And, by the way, I can tell you that smokers get - oh, just - *tired* of being nagged. So don't go into her apartment, and tell her why if she asks, but don't yak on about it either. She can smoke if she pleases. You can not join in by going into her home if you please. Fair enough.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I agree on the issue of e-cigs; they're not safe.
It's interesting to see how the attitude toward cigarette smoking has changed in your mother's lifetime, from it being considered sophisticated and sort-of healthy ("Have a Lucky instead of a sweet!") to cigarettes being part of the supplies that were issued to soldiers in WWII, when people smoked EVERYWHERE, even in grocery stores and hospitals, to when I was a teenager in the 1970s, and there was a separate smoking room in my high school that was set aside for students who had a note from their parents giving them permission to smoke, (teachers had their own "smoking lounge") to today, when cigarette smoking is frowned upon, and rightfully so.
It must be very hard for people of your mother's age to change their habits, especially when those habits are physically addictive. I feel sorry for her.
Angel
I would just limit my visits to a few minutes if you go inside, there just aren't any other choices.
JessieBelle, I remember back when people thought regular cigarettes were harmless. Well anyone who uses the e-cig are considered "guinea pigs" to see what is harmful in said product. At the moment, it's a myth that the e-cigs are safe, because no scientific studies have been made over a certain time period. E-cig will not help a smoker to quit, because the e-cig still contains nicotine, and the vapor contains a chemical similar to what is used in anti-freeze.
What is sad about serious illnesses/death from tobacco is that tobacco use is a *choice*.
Sensible response, now: your mother must have the same consideration that a younger person, e.g. me, would expect to have for non-smokers. Rule is, you don't smoke in the presence of people who do not like it. You just don't. It is very bad manners.
As it happens, for health reasons I also don't smoke anywhere near my mother; although actually, never having smoked herself, she's never minded cigarettes. So in our house there are is two sitting rooms that don't smell 'smoky' (and one that does but I like it like that). Would something like that work at your mother's house? Is there a room that she and her sister can keep as a smoke-free zone for you and other visitors? - I'm sure you're not the only person they know who's uncomfortable with it.
But, in the end, true, it is her house and she can smoke if she wants to. If she wants to smoke *all the time* more than she wants to see her daughter it's a pretty poor state of affairs, is all I can say. In that case, you'll have to confine your visits to the summer months and sit out in the garden?
Your family doesn't feel remotely guilty that they don't go and see your mother (oh, I forgot - only because they live too far away. Pity about that, or they'd be over every day, right?).
But they think you should feel guilty for objecting to spending time in a confined space with someone who smokes.
Uh-huh. They do, do they?
You're doing fine by your mother, relax. And, by the way, I can tell you that smokers get - oh, just - *tired* of being nagged. So don't go into her apartment, and tell her why if she asks, but don't yak on about it either. She can smoke if she pleases. You can not join in by going into her home if you please. Fair enough.
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