Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Your mom is free to think whatever she wants, right? Just like we are. The choice comes in what you think about that. How you act or react to what she (or anyone else) thinks? You do what feels best and right for you. And let her be free to think and say and feel what she wants. The less you fight her (or anyone), the less you argue, the less you allow someone to make you feel a certain way you don't want to feel, the less they will. We can never change other people by telling them how we wish they were or how we want them to be. We can only change how they treat us by how we are - how we act - the words, actions, expressions, and tones we use. When she says that, don't respond. Tell her you have to check on something on the stove or use the bathroom or whatever - leave that space for a moment so you don't get involved in having to hear those hurtful words. She'll get the hint eventually. If she wants you near her, with her, she'll know not to say those things that upset you. I love that song "live like you were dying" because it is a splash of ocean water on a sun-warmed face - waking us up to the reality that all we all have is THIS moment. In a split second THINGS - EVERYTHING - ANYTHING can change. Let your mom say and do and be. You are responsible for yourself and if it is in your heart to love her and accept her and care for her unconditionally, then that is what you will do. You can only change yourself and how you choose to act, react, think, be.
If you're happy with the way your life turned out, the only thing you owe is thanks and telling your mom you love her ... still. Bringing children to the world doesn't automatically make one a parent entitled to charge our offspring for it. Our children's lives shouldn't have to revolve around ours, and making them feel guilty for leaving home and not visiting more often is disgraceful. As a parent, sometimes I couldn't wait for my sons to grow up and get out of the house. They are 29 now, but I miss them dearly. The bottom line is this: from the moment they were born, WE owed them. Not the other way around.
I love that song to I use it on MY space. You are to honor your mother that is all God says as for owing her anything no you do not did she ever feel like she owed you something just because she brought you into this world? Probably not! Don't let her push your buttons but don't shut down either. or you will end up like some of our deadbeat siblings. Listen to this
He who does nothing accomplishes everything
Do not react when you do you plug into her energy just think and than respon if you have to sometimes I just don't say anything I just think much.\, Good luck to you
Caregiver 101, I couldn't have said it better. I agree with you. It's hard to re-program yourself and sometimes that is what we have to do. I am trying, despite my guilt and other feelings, to act and not adrgue or try to convince otherwise. I love my mother and I care for her in my home. I wouldn't have it any other way but I have had to change and give me the same kind of care I give everyone else. My friend said that if I treated my friends the way I treat myself I wouldn't have any.
Thanks to all of you for your comments and support. I am working on my guilt and trying not to let my mother's problems continue to dominate my life. She doesn't like her caregiver and there really isn't any good reason other than she has become tired of her because she is bored. I won't fire her. Yesterday we got a call that she had fallen out of her recliner which I did not understand. We had to go to the emergency room and she got three staples in her head and her face is bruised. how it happened is now clear. The caregiver had gone up to wash the lunch dishes and she decided to try and stand by herself - which she can't and never does. She held on to the food tray and toppled over. I overheard her conversation when she told her friend that she fell because the caregiver wasn't doing her job. She is becoming meaner and meaner to the caregiver. I am taking care of her wound but am trying not to give her a lot of negative attnention. She had three of us at the hospital and it was a big ordeal including an ambulance. A caregiver comes to our house 8 hours a day while I go to work. She wants someone by her side in case she needs something. I think she is afraid of being alone. The caregiver tells her what she is doing and shere she is going. It doesn't matter. Going through caregivers is disruptive and time consuming. I can't just let anyone into our house and I have to trust the person I leave my mother with all day. I am afraid that by Tuesday she will have told the caregiver it is her fault. There will come a breaking point even if the caregiver knows it's dementia speaking. The caregiver has become the source of all of her malaise and discontent. This is not the first time.
Rosie, I am soooo glad that you wrote your post. Too many people think that to honor their parents, they have to sacrifice their own lives. That is just not right. I don't believe that God wants us to suffer, rather be kind and caring and do what is best. That isn't always keeping our parents with us. Sometimes it means providing a safe environment that they can be taken care of by professionals. Respect, yes, owe, no. Thanks so much. Love my mom, but we are nearing the end of what I can do for her.
Wow! Carmen, are you being too hard on yourself? Your Mom is so fortunate that you love and care for her. We're all on the learning curve, here. Grace. Peace. You have more friends and people who can relate than you know. But sometimes we can be our own worst enemy, so we're told. Bless you. Aren't we all just doing the best we can? Have any arrived at perfection, save one?!
Why do mom's do this sort of thing to their children? It's as if the main reason they even have babies is to have someone to tell you owe men and look after me when I get old or some go so far as to make the child live their entire lives at home which is a miserable way to exist. I've heard of mothers who have told their children, why do you want to or need to get married for we can meet all your needs.
If you are still at her home, get out and get a life. If she's in your home, it sounds like she needs to get out and get a life. How are her demands impacting the rest of your life?
Thats how both my parents were as long as I did what they told me and paid them every week everything was okay but the minute I wanted a life of my own life turned to hell. My mother in law went so far to say to a person she didn't have to ride a bus for them to go shopping thats why she had me sorry lady you didn't give birth to me but I did take care of her when she neded it. Just do what you know you are capable of and still have a life and even then there will be uprises. and when you can't handle it anymore than they have to go to the nursing home, I know there are some who are not so good but if you pop in as I did all during the week on no specific time or day they will get better treatment.
Do not respond when she says things menat to hurt or obligate you. Ignore those remarks completely. Take the conversation in a different direction, as if she's never made the hurtful remarks. Alternatively, get up and leave pleasantly, with or without giving her a reason for your departure. She will know what you're doing. Sort of like training a pet: do not reward negative or attention-getting behaviors by showing anger, dismay, sadness, etc.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
He who does nothing accomplishes everything
Do not react when you do you plug into her energy just think and than respon if you have to sometimes I just don't say anything I just think much.\, Good luck to you
Hang in there Lost Soul.
I am soooo glad that you wrote your post. Too many people think that to honor their parents, they have to sacrifice their own lives. That is just not right. I don't believe that God wants us to suffer, rather be kind and caring and do what is best. That isn't always keeping our parents with us. Sometimes it means providing a safe environment that they can be taken care of by professionals. Respect, yes, owe, no. Thanks so much. Love my mom, but we are nearing the end of what I can do for her.
If you are still at her home, get out and get a life. If she's in your home, it sounds like she needs to get out and get a life. How are her demands impacting the rest of your life?
Ignore those remarks completely. Take the conversation in a different direction, as if she's never made the hurtful remarks.
Alternatively, get up and leave pleasantly, with or without giving
her a reason for your departure. She will know what you're doing.
Sort of like training a pet: do not reward negative or attention-getting behaviors by showing anger, dismay, sadness, etc.
See All Answers