Like the title says, my mom is 82 suffers from congestive heart failure and vascular dementia. She is fairly well, considering, but obviously not of sound mind to think of doing this day trip.
The man lives 2 hours away from us, mom lives with me and husband, no help from any family or friends all live in another state.
Things have been very tenuous between us lately and she acts like a toddler half the time and a spoiled teenager the other half. She will refuse to put on clean clothes for days, sitting around with crumbs and stains on clothes, I cook, clean, shop, drive and sort and distribute her medications. She has improved over the last year, and can function to put comments on Facebook and this dating site, but shuts down if she is too stressed or tired.
She told me this is going to happen tomorrow whether we like it or not... I am not her legal guardian but am a VERY concerned daughter... any advice is appreciated.
True, he may be an innocent bystander, thinking that she is just a nice person he's met from the internet, but this sounds Extremely Dangerous, especially since she has Dementia! Please put a Stop to this in any way you can!
Your mother needs to learn that it’s your house and your rules. Period. If she doesn’t agree, you will be more than happy to research facilities and help her apply for Medicaid if necessary. She will change her clothes and take her pills. Or else. She’s probably pouting more than shutting down. If she’s going to act like a child she should be treated like one. Stop letting her run you ragged and put down some house rules, or she goes to a facility. And for Heaven’s Sake, pull rank and keep her at home tomorrow.
If she is planning to go to meet him, is there any way for her to do it? If not, that solves the problem. If he does come to pick her up take photos of him and his license plate. Go and meet him and get as much info as you can. If he is planning anything shady, that will give him second thoughts.
Hopefully though, nothing will come of this. In the meantime, do you have power of attorney for her? If her decision making is this bad, and might put her in danger, you might have to investigate more thoroughly what your options are. Sometimes when people start wandering (and you might very well consider this to be wandering), it is time for memory care.