My mother needs to go into a memory or nursing home ASAP. To avoid the year long wait list most places have it appears we need the help of a social worker at a hospital. Last time my mother was taken to the ER and admitted the hospital offered a social worker to speak with my father and he refused. He is resistant to the idea of a social worker. I don't know much about them good or bad. Can anyone provide info on their experience working with one?
Can you find out why your dad is resistant? What does he think will happen if he talks to one? Is he able to care for her himself without dying in the process?
You might point that if HE dies, he won't have any say in where she goes.
Look, you can stand on ceremony and say " yes, dad has rights". Or you can try, gently, to protect your dad's health. He may not buy it. If he wants to die taking care of her, that's his choice. But DO show him that there is an alternative.
Another aunt..my uncle with dementia dragged her around on a throw rug for three days after she fell and broke her hip. A family member showed up, 911 was called. My uncle tried to prevent them from " taking his wife away from him " and she WANTED TO STAY, SO AS NOT TO UPSET HIM.
There is sometimes very distorted logic going on in our parents' minds. When that occurs, we neec to take what action we can to prevent injury, death and further tragedy. We also need to protect ourselves from being sucked into unsustainable demands to maintain " independence ".