Mother snuck out of the nursing home last week. Any insight?

Can you tell us a bit more about the facility? Is it large? More that one type of care - memory care, typical NH? Why did you remove the bracelet? Was it the type of bracelet that would alarm at the doors?

@ Rainmom. Nice facility. Full services. My mother is in a dementia unit with memory care. I DID NOT remove the bracelet. The facility did. The bracelet was one that will trip the door alarm. I had a very difficult interaction with the social worker. I am upset by this and not sure how to proceed.

Proceed to the Director's Office and demand solid answers. Report the escape to the county health department since they oversee nursing homes.

Why would they remove the bracelet?

@Babalou. I don't know why they would remove it. Just a very disconcerting interaction all around. I guess I will need to talk to the doctor or somebody there who has some compassion. Don't know. Feel very alone in this.

Can you report her missing to the Police. Does she have access to money? Did she leave with a male or female?

@Veronica91. She left with a man. I had never heard of him. She has no access to money. She's not missing. She returned to the facility. Problem was that they let her slip out.

Hugedoof- it can all be so overwhelming it is natural to feel isolated in your fight for proper care for your mother. But a fight is often what it is - seemingly on multiple fronts - the home, your mother, often siblings and doctors. But trust me, you are not alone in the bigger picture as most people wouldn't be on this site if it weren't for our own battles. You'll get all kinds of advice here and it's up to you to pick through what might be helpful and what won't. I was a very apt pupil- in looking back at it all I did pretty well considering I didn't know what I was dealing with - I was clueless regarding dementia. But when I felt myself going under I found this site, asked for advice and I took it. My life is the better for it which isn't to say I'm not still in a battle. The two best pieces of advice I can give is: continue to post here and don't let anyone at your mothers facility give you a bunch of nonsense regarding your mothers care. If you aren't satisfied with what they are telling you, keep working up the chain of command until you get some answers that make sense to you and action plans for better care are implemented.

@Rainmom. Thank you for responding. I went to the top of the chain at the nursing home and the admin said to me, "let us conduct our own internal investigation". I got a call from the social worker, of which you can see by my post, did not go well. Not well at all. I find the nurses there all rally around one another (since I've had a meeting regarding my mother before) and offer blank stares when I ask a question. It's almost as if, "he is a man and does not deserve our respect" sort of thing. Very frustrated at this point. All I do is write checks and act as an accountant.

The police would like to investigate and talk to this 'stranger', the man who kidnapped your mother from the facility, and the nurse who allowed the patient to sign herself out.
A crime may have been committed, and at this point you don't know. Assault on an elderly woman? Kidnapping for identity fraud purposes. Some kind of exploitation? Could be, the nurse's boyfriend, they have a plan?

Just anything could have happened. Go for help.

As an accountant type, be sure to obtain a credit report right away.
Anyone could have taken her to the bank, opened an account-even as 'husband and wife' in a different name!

Please, at least do your own investigation.

Yes, I'd let them conduct their own investigation. But....

I would contact State Ombudsman

I would contact local police in writing to let them know that your mother was abducted. If you are her guardian and she in a facility, it's the same as if a child was taken from a school.

I would make sure gps tracking device is on mom.

I would send certified letter to the faciliity, cc to Ombudsman. Stste attorney general and joint commission outlining the issue and asking what their plan is for remediation of the issue and its prevention.

@Sendme2help. You are correct. I don't know who this person was. Based on my mother's recent behavior, i.e., "you're not the boss of me", it could have been an attempt on her part to assert independence. There is a gentleman there who is very annoying who she has managed to establish a friendship with. It may have been one of his friends. I hate to call the cops in this circumstance. I will have to weigh this out.

Starting with a detective from the police department, making a police report only, not a criminal complaint should be the first thing to do to document this scenario. It will protect your Mother if they try to discharge her from the SNF, called a (constructive discharge), because she is under memory care, not able to legally leave or discharge herself as she is under a court ordered guardianship with documents given to the facility, they would be legally negligent for allowing a man (a stranger) to take her out. The reason they would want to "constructively discharge" her (making it appear her fault, poor behaviors, uncooperative, etc) is because they were negligent with her care, did not immediately report the incident to you, making light of a serious situation, leaves them liable to a lawsuit.
Please give up the idea that your mother snuck out-behaviors are no longer her fault-and look at this as a reportable offence, and protect her future safety.

You say you hate to call the cops in. You need to document this, and ask for a copy of the "incident report" by the facility. If there is none, that again is just another red red flag. Thankful that perhaps no harm came to your Mom does not protect her from future harm. Sorry you have to be the responsible one for your Mother. Sorry that her illness causes her to say things like, "You are not the boss of me!", but legally she is your charge-don't let her, or anyone, intimidate you!

Maybe you can plan a day off premises with her, see how that goes, if she is allowed. Would you need the docor's permission? Did this "man/stranger" need the doctor's permission? Find out what their policy is to have a patient leave the premises.

Or, you can just ignore the advice. Good luck to you and your Mom.

P.S. If it was my Mom, I would help her escape that place-in my dreams!

Have the doctor order the elopement bracelet, or get a private GPS to track her without her knowledge.

Ask yourself, "Why is this happening, I thought she was going to be cared for".

Mistakes happen.

Mom should obviously not have been allowed out, but she was. This was a serious mistake. Someone needs to own up to that, say "our investigation shows this is how the mistake happened" and, more importantly, "these are the steps we are taking to see that it doesn't happen again."

I don't think you'll ever find a place where a mistake absolutely never ever happens. This was a serious one, and the facility needs to take ownership of it. I'd give them a reasonable length of time to report back to you. And if the report is not satisfactory or somehow blames you that they misplaced the guardianship order, etc. I would certainly bring this to the attention of higher authorities, including the police.

A person in a secure memory unit should not be able to sign herself out, whether there are guardianship papers on file or not.

Jeanne, That is a good answer, and a good attitude!

Appalling on so many levels - no one should be wearing a bracelet to trip an alarm - doors and gates should sound an alarm unless a code is entered
My mom eloped out the front gate in her wheelchair and the receptionist caught her before she got too far away - I was told immediately and they mapped her behavior for the next 72 hours- my mom was intent on going home that day even if she had to paddle her way there and I constantly get the you're not the boss of me routine

You have no way of kmowing Whether your mom was the victim of elder abuse/fraud but the issue needs to be raised up outside the facility - it's unlikely this man just took your mom for an outing and got her an ice cream cone

I think what makes this situation unusual and more hard to accept as just a mistake on behalf of the facility is the fact that mom went off with some unknown man who had unknown intentions. So in fact, this was almost a worst case senerio. You know - when you find out the elderly loved one takes off but in all the other examples here the person went home or tried to. So then you find yourself saying to the administration "What if she had gone off with some stranger"? But in this case, she did indeed go off with some stranger. So now you say "she could have been abused, taken advantage of or even killed". And in fact the poor OP does not know that the first two things did not happen - and is lucky that his mom is alive. I hate to be a drama queen, dwelling on worst case senerio - but I also think it's a mistake to treat this as a simple mistake that could happen any where. It can happen anywhere but getting everyone to see the seriousness of the incident is probably the best deterrent to ensure it doesn't happen to the OPs mom a second time.

I would file a complaint with the police dept and health dept. I would be curious how this unknown man was allowed to sign someone out in the first place without ID. Make sure you have restrictions on your mother's chart that she cannot be signed out by anyone but yourself. If no one wants to take this seriously, well that is what social media is for--and local newspaper, tv etc. EMBARRASS them by going public! They are thinking you will be quiet and yeah, you're upset but unless you flex some muscle, this is going to be shoved under the paperwork rug. If nothing else, this might happen to someone else and it may not end so well. Did this man bring her back? How long was she gone? Did she go to the bank with him? etc etc. that 's why the police may send a detective to investigate. Good luck.

You should be concerned. Whoever this person was may have had her sign some papers - and of course she will have no memory of what happened. Report it to the police immediately. This person could be anyone - you need to find out who and why they did this.

My experiences:

My mother-n-law is 94, has dementia and lives in assisted living. Her eldest son and his new wife, visited her for a few hours (they live in CO - she lives in FL) took her from the facility and she signed several papers. They left that same day, didn't even spend the night. She started crying because she has no idea what she signed. The eldest son told her not to tell anyone he was there visiting. After that her other son, took her to an elder care attorney and her wishes were recorded so these new legal documents supersede whatever she signed.

My mother is 93, has Alzheimer's and lives with me. A few years ago when she lived alone - people from church took her to a lawyer. This man Mike kept telling her that he was going to help her stay in her house as long as possible. I found out that he had rental property. I looked him up on the county website and the deeds from his 3 houses were transferred to him on the death of the owner. My mom's house was going to be house number 4. I filed a police report. She trusted him, more than me.

There are people out there that prey on the elderly - even in nursing homes. When ever I tell people this story, they say it happens all the time.

Demand answers from the nursing home, call the police.

I am a retired long term care administrator and cannot believe the facility's response to your situation! In PA , as in many if not all states, this is a "reportable" event, meaning the incident needs to be fully investigated and fully reported to the entity that oversees the type of facility your mother is in. You may ask for this report but the administration is not required to provide as it is not part of the resident's medical record. If you file a complaint to the entity that oversees the facility, they will perform their own investigation and issue a formal report that will include any deficiencies discovered as a result of the investigation. They can provide you with this report, too. (I suspect that the administrator wants to do their own investigation to avoid any deficiencies and possible fines.) In any event, the administrator should be very forthcoming and contrite in manner by providing a full accounting of the event to you personally. It's inconceivable to me that anyone working in a memory impaired/dementia unit would permit a resident to sign herself out, whether a copy of the guardianship papers are in the chart or not. In reality, however, nurses, being human, are not always quite what they need to be. If you decide to keep your mother at this facility, you will want to be fully informed of what corrective measures will be taken to prevent a similar situation from occurring. The facility should as part of its corrective plan be sure that all nurses are inserviced on what steps need to be taken when a resident wants to sign herself out. I am guessing that this is a personal care home or assisted living facility as a skilled nursing facility would take more precautions when someone signs out "against medical advice".
The local ombudsman can assist you with handling the followup to this as well as accompany you to meet with the facility staff. You do not need to feel alone. Finally, I would encourage you to not succumb to the feeling that all you do is write checks and act as an accountant. You are the PRIMARY advocate for your mother, and no one can do a better job of that than you. Do not let the staff bully, intimidate or discourage you from doing what you know is best for your mother. And based on your description of the staff at this facility, it may be in your mother's best interest to relocate to a facility that can show you the respect and compassion that she and you, as guardian and advocate, have the absolute right to receive.
May God bless.

Calm down. She is back, but the facility needs to be held accountable. Make sure they have a copy of your guardianship on file, and leave WRITTEN instructions as to what you want. If you are really dissatisfied, then move her, but sometimes staff screws up. It isn't the first, and won't be the last. I don't know what your "WTF" means, but keep it civil here. It is your responsibility to keep documents at the facility and for others to know you are in charge of your mother's affairs. Maybe she is planning on eloping with that "other person". Hang in there...

Sorry for all you are going thru. It doesn't matter who the SW was, your paperwork should be on file. Filed where it can be gotten to easily. You need to go to the director and file a complaint. Everyone involved in ur Moms care should be aware you r the only one who can take her out.

Hugedoof: Pull her out of this TOTALLY incompetent facility and place her in one who knows which end is up! Otherwise, in regard to the blank stares you get from the staff, I would say "HELLO, I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!!!!!!!"

I used to be a therapy program manager in a nursing home and applied the wander guards as recommended by nursing. I checked the batteries daily with a device to make sure the batteries were working, replacing the batteries as needed. Over the weekend, a special aide did the same. The alarm at all doors would sound if these patients with dementia approach it. Nurses would run and kindly bring them away from the door. This us how it should be done. The administrator and social workers are passing the buck. You should seek another place. This place is negligent! Also, each nursing home should have an omnibusman to pursue such negligence. The State Board in most states investigate such compliants, and fine such Nursing Homes thousands of dollars a day until they get their pound of flesh. You may find that that home may NOT want your mother as a patient anymore and help you transfer her, which I would recommend anyway!

It's hell being "the crazy daughter" in the eyes collectively of the facility management staff. That means you complain (advocate) a lot for your mom. "There's always one" lol. Does the staff seem to scatter when they see you coming? I'm sorry. I know it's hard enough leaving her there w/o this crap. I lived and breathed Longterm Care Facilities and opened and trained staff for the Memory Care Units for many years for one of the largest (best) LTC Company's for many years. I was a Nursing Consultant charged with making things go right in places bound for a zillion things to go wrong. And they did. All of the time. So many variables. I always tried to educate my Administraters and Directors of Nursing to go towards their problems not run or avoid. They get frustrated, too.
I didn't catch your state but I can assure you to remove a Wanderguard after placing it on requires a lot of paperwork. Also..it is a reportable event for your Mom to have left that Facility. All LTC facilities are monitored by the state but follow federal guidelines. I don't know what your knowledge base is but for others, please bear with me.
1. The Facility must display their last survey..Annual or Complaint visit. Go looking. Better yet, go ask the Receptionist where it's posted,even if you know, lol. Word travels fast. You have the power to take care of Mom. Just use it with care.
2. Ask the SSW when Mom's care plan meetings are held and then go. If the time is not good, be reasonable but insist on accommodation. Ask the SSW to see the assessments that were made to put the bracelet on and then again off. My guess..a nurse did the right thing by putting it on but it should have been on long ago and when they went to call it in they realized they made an error. They have to report those type things within 24 hrs. So they reset the clock in hopes of fending off a visit from the State.
Medicare.gov/nursinghomes MedicareCompare are gifts to the consumer. It has the results of all the LTC everywhere. Go play and read. LTC is not hard. There is a rule book, it's available online. I always got the printed copy. I like books. People used to wonder how I could be so successful. I read the book. Cover to cover. Several times. You can too!
1.Know what you can expect as a minimum. Go up from there.
2. Change the NA's perception of you and your mom. Bring donuts for each shift, cookies occasionally. FEED FRONTLINE STAFF. Bring some neat pictures of your mom when she was much younger. Hang them. No clutter.
3. Ask the Administrator if she has reported the "elopment" to the State (for DHHS). And I do believe the police should be notifed, staff identified,appropriate Board notified (Board of Nursing-RN,LPN,NAII; CME? for NA. Leaving the facility, losing a Resident is called an Elopment.
4. You always have the right to call in a complaint to the number on your Admission Pack. Yes, anonymous is ok.
Good luck, God Bless. Remember 99.5% of the frontline staff do try their best most of the time. I know that calling a complaint to the state has some instant gratification it could set off domino's that could end badly for something minimal and unrelated.
I retired, health reasons, after 30+ so my comments are my own. Just sayin (lol,NC).

.

I would think a facility would take this seriously because of lawsuits. Just like my grandsons daycare, there is a list of people who can pick him up. They can only release him to one of them. Yes, the staff has met each one of us. Yes, residents can't be locked up but those with Dementia cannot make decisions.

@plzdnr. I went through the ombudsman previously with another scenario when my mother was first installed at the nursing home. That was essentially useless exercise. So, at this point, I will be utilizing my guardianship attorney to investigate what happened on my behalf. It may be a few dollars, but my bringing an elder attorney to bear on this situation will result in more pressure on staff. Again, anything with regard to something out-of-the-ordinary at the facility, results in goat-eyed stares from the staff. So, I have to tread lightly here. I will keep you all posted.

Hugedoof: Don't accept "goat-eyed stares" from the staff. Let your elder attorney know this is how they're reacting to you. This is TOTALLY unprofessional and unacceptable!