Mom (87 yrs. old) wears Depends undergarment style panties. She continually thinks she's wetting herself and everything in contact with her. She's not. Because it takes her a long time to get to the bathroom, a little premature drip sets her off thinking her clothes are soiled. She doesn't understand. She thinks the Depends should "fix" her leaking issue.
And good for Joanne29 - your solution sounds perfect, and that you'd make a good caregiver! For caregivers also worry when new issues arise, and we sit with the problem for a bit and try things, seeking solutions that will keep them healthy even when they cannot remember whatever solutions we told them about. I might often explain reasons to elders, but I don't do this expecting them to remember. Recently though, I did have a good breakthrough with a 90 year old living at home alone, who would never keep her heat at 72, and she would get coughs and colds, be at risk for immune issues like the flu. I'm old school: timely responses, in all directions.
I got her heat to 72 instead of 69 or 70, gave her juice, soup, a good supper, got her to buy a cashmere or merino sweater second hand, for lightweight/warm keeps out the drafts. And bought her knee socks, since she always wore ankle socks. She went along with these things when she felt sick, and I noted she was getting better, ithen my days off, and I'd arrive back and the heat was low, no sweater on, and she was telling me it didn't matter. And I had to have a small resentment episode, which caught her attention, and it took another two weeks - but by now, I love it, she wears the knee socks daily, heat is always 72, doesn't object to wearing the sweater, and has had no cold symptoms since. So many people do one thing, like soup - I do 4-5 things and keep at it - and it works, and I'm delighted that finallly after lots of repetitions, she's on that wavelength - for she does appreciate not getting sick for a very long time with my attention. She has other caregivers too, but I'm the one who notices something that's not working, and looks for small, timely actions to add care, for you have to keep it up, sleep, food and keep an old body's temperature constantly warm enough, mine as well.
My DH doesn't want to wear Depends and sometimes he heads to the bathroom instead of using his urinal - sometimes he doesn't quite make it but leaves a puddle on the floor. I don't mind the puddle but I hate finding it in my bare feet :)
I figured this is a very small price to pay to be able to keep him home with me.
BTW, you know how the urinals start to smell and stain? I found a solution, accidentally. I use a bit of Hibiclens and some Perineal soap. First rinse out the urinal, then it only takes a few drops and a little water and voila!, no smell and it even removed the awful stain and smell from one of his oldest and better made urinals!
His was stained about 1" in awful, smelly, yellowish-brown. I let it soak with the soap and was shocked that it now looks brand new. He's now been using this old urinal for better than 6 months and no smell or staining anymore. (the new ones have an opening to the handle and pee gets into the handle - AARGH! The older ones, the handle is sealed off from the rest of the urinal.)
BTW, I use the same soaps to get poop out of his washrags. And a little dish detergent! Then I just bleach/wash a load at a time. My 96 year old's "diaper-bucket" doesn't smell either.
Anyway perhaps something that makes her feel you are in her world rather than telling her she is wrong and living in a delusion, the fight just isn't worth it for you or them, they can get so agitated and spirals, the "pick your battles" approach. Maybe it is something about the sensation from the depends and a cotton pad or powder would help. She likely wont remember at least for a while (sometimes when it becomes habit it either sinks in or sounds familiar when you mention it eventually) but you could try a panty liner and say something like you leak a little when you cough or laugh and these liners do the trick because they catch the little leaks and protect your clothes...then remind her she has that liner to just change "oh thank goodness you have that liner like me and we can just change that" "Aren't those liners great? They catch that leak and you don't have to change the whole under pant and clothes" something like that. If she's in bed and that's where this is happening maybe use a bed pad so she can feel that and see it isn't wet so the pad did it's job. Sorry these are just ideas, I don't have a good definitive answer for you I just have commiseration.
Good Luck!
I'm curious about one thing, though: Do ALL dementia patients lose their ability to pee and poop properly once they are in their advanced stage? My husband has urinary incontinence and wears Depends. I can deal with that, but when it comes to Number 2, I am unsure. I am scared to think about it.
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