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My thought on the walk in tubs? They sound great - you step in, close the door & sit until the tub fills up. aahhhhhh...When you're finished, you sit there while it drains...while you're wet...and unless the bathroom is incredibly warm, I imagine one could get chilled. No, I would recommend a no barrier shower (no lip/threshold, so can wheel in a shower chair if necessary). For a quick fix there are companies that can cut out a step through into the side of your tub. Yes, it renders the tub "useless", but it's a cost effective alternative as long as the person can step over a lower threshold...
Carol, great idea about getting your home checked to be sure it is elder friendly. Will your Mom have her own separate bathroom? Why I ask, there will come a time where you might need to change the toilet to a higher one plus put raise bars around the seat so that your Mom can lift herself up from the toilet. Other grab bars will be recommended around the bathroom.
The walk-in tubs are nice, especially if you plan to remain in the house for many years yourself, otherwise when the time comes to sell, the Realtor might suggest the tub be replaced with a regular tub, unless you already live in a 55+ community. Actually a walk-in shower is much better as everyone of all ages like those :)
Does your Mom use a walker? Are the bathrooms large enough to wheel in a walker? Are the hallways wide enough. You would need to take away all the throw rugs as walkers get hung up on those, or Mom could trip on them if she prefers to wall and furniture walk.
Doreen above is correct, falling doesn't mean a shorter life unless the fall itself becomes serious.... my Dad [94] has been falling for the past 8 years and he is still doing fine. Sometimes as one gets older, a knee will start giving out.
Any pets in the house? Life can get complicated with a person with Alzheimer's and having a pet. Our parents can trip on pets. Or a pet could become frighten by someone with memory issues. My cats use to be friendly around my parents until my parents both started to use canes... the sound of the canes on the wood floors scared the cats, so they hid :(
Frequent falls does not necessarily mean your mom has less than a year to live. My mother-in-law is 94 lives in assisted living and falls all the time (we have been getting reports of her falling for 2 years now). I am not sure how old your mother is - but many times people will take a family member in and think they only have less than a year and they live much longer.
I have seen it many, many times. My mom is 93; my mother-in-law is 94 - we never thought they would live this long. When I was touring assisted living facilities - there were residents that were over 100. No kidding.
Unless your mother has a terminal disease - she could live longer than you expect. Another friend of mine took care of her 88 year old mother with dementia for 4 years, than moved her to assisted living. Recently she was contacted by the ASF that they can no longer care for her. Her mom now lives in a nursing home. The poor woman wears diapers, cannot walk, talk or feed herself. She has no idea who her children are, its very sad.
Unfortunately people can hang on for a very long time. You said "you know it will take everything out of us" Why would you want that?
Carol, if ur Mom is this far I would consider a home. Is your husband willing to clean her up if she has an accident. I would never expect my husband to do this for my Mom. My Mom has been here 20 months and the daily care has been overwhelming at times. If we want to do anything it has to be planned, need to find someone to sit with Mom. Friends, they hav forgotten her even our minister. You r going to come home tired and there she is. Its like having a small child that can't take care of themselves.
Don't count on those grandkids. my mother has 25 and hears from 2 of them ( phone only ). In fact don't count on anyone. Family's destroyed every day over this. You should listen to those who have been through it. Staying with her for a couple of months cant even compare to moving her in . Your health and mental health WILL be affected. And there are no rewards when its over. Only sad memories of the last couple of years.
My mom has become childlike, stubborn and can no longer live alone in Ohio. My brother lives across the street from her, but cannot be there 24/7. My husband and I have had my mom here for months at a time during the winters and we are well aware of how bad the dementia has progressed over the last year.. We are used to taking care of her full time for a few months, so the choices of sending her into a nursing home in Ohio or her moving here. My husband is home (early retired) and with morning assistance brought in, he can care for her in the afternoon and I get home for the dinner and evening watch. Her grandchildren will visit as there are many in the area here in FL. We are not well of though, and I want to get my home assessed to be sure it is safe. I'm looking to bring in a walk in tub, she is looking forward to using it when she arrives. I have less than 6 weeks to get the bathroom set up. We know it will take everything out of us, but also know with her frequent falling lately that we don't have much more than a year, so we not overwhelmed, just grateful we can give her a home, not an institution.
Excellent thread! Moved my mother, now 89 with short-term memory loss plus various chronic illnesses, in with me three years ago. At the time I thought having her close would ease the multiple daily trips across town to find her lost item of the moment, fix the TV remote, clean her house, see if she'd taken pills correctly, get in the mail, monitor her nightly insulin injection, and offer her companionship. It did BUT - I did not think about her being here 24/7 - she refuses senior groups and is happy as a clam not going anywhere. I had taken early retirement prior to her moving in, but don't see how anyone manages to work and caregive. It's amazing how much time all the minute details of caregiving takes up (and she is fairly self-sufficient compared to others, except for the safety and health issues) not to mention doctor appointments, prescription management, reminders to take pills, get dressed, bathe, clean up after a messy bm (I have been late for my doctor appointments because of this), etc.
You are also tied to a schedule. I was used to being flexible with my day, whereas she did things by the clock. I am thankful my mother can do a lot for herself, yet part of having her under my roof was dietary. She was eating mostly frozen dinners, so though she fixes her own breakfast and lunch, dinner is my responsibility. With planning I can have something ready for her and keep working on a project, eating when I am finished. That doesn't always happen (more often than not) and becomes a frustration to me. The responsibility is always there - different than if you are in your separate homes: out of sight, but not out of mind, yet not as pressing as when you are living together.
Then there is the moving adjustment - she no longer has her home no matter how welcoming you try to be (I accomodated for her own bedroom and bath, brought some of her own furniture and a lot of do-dads, and she 'owns' my family room/TV), but as a mother is around to offer unsolicited advice on your housekeeping or cooking, and pushes buttons when you prefer to do things yourself -ie. quicker - then says "I can't do anything, I'm useless." You have to allow for their personal habits as much as they adapt - or not - to yours, while watching them not be as fastidious as they once were. You don't see that as clearly when not directly under your nose.
There is the stress. I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis 26 years, managed fairly well all through a divorce, raising two kids while working full-time as a Realtor. The first year after she moved in, I fell apart. I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes, and the arthritis flared more often. This past year I had to have both knees and a hip replaced. Which brings me to: you have to have a back-up person for emergencies! It took me awhile to find someone to come in mornings and check on her at lunch so I could be in the hospital. I am an only child, but my son was able to stay nights. What if I'd been in an accident and there was no one else available?
You become a 'keeper' and lose a lot of the loving relationship you may have had, simply because of the stress and responsibility, and the role reversal, no matter how hard you try to maintain that and their dignity. Cleaning spilled food, pee dribbles (so you can use the toilet without getting your sox wet), rewashing the dishes or finding dirty ones put back in the cabinets wear you and the relationship down. That and the relentless repetetive statements/questions, and many times rude comments about you or your kids. In the beginning we enjoyed each other's company, played cards or other games. It became too much togetherness and has become rare, which makes me feel so guilty!
Would I do it again? Financially, this is our only solution right now, so it is hard to think beyond, but I would say yes. Both my grandmothers were put into nursing homes; my dad had two siblings and that was their choice. She had Alzheimer's and lived very nicely there for three years. My mother was an only child, too, and when Grandma was unable to stay safely in her own home, Mother put her in a decent nursing home where she passed away in jyst a couple months. It is not just us 'younger' generations deciding to put our elders into nursing homes. Every situation and family dynamic is different, so no judgement should be made for the decisions made. Each person must weigh what is best for them after doing a lot of research. This site is a lifesaver!
Carol. This is the best collection of advice on this subject I have ever seen on this forum. Place her in assisted living if at all possible. Otherwise, your personal life will be over until she passes which hopefully will be many years. You can visit all you want to assisted living but doing 24/7 care, cleaning, chauffeuring, cooking, etc will either kill you or make your life quite miserable with a few rewarding moments thrown in too but you'll get those on a visit to her as well. 3 years ago I erroneously made the decision to be my 89 year old parents with Alzheimer's caregiver. I am 64. Wish I had found these forums before I did it.
Wonderful suggestions and input on multiple levels. The problem with the "try it and see if it works" approach, from my perspective, is if it does not (and definitely will not over the course of the disease's progression) another move will be required and each move is both traumatic and difficult for both the care receiver and care giver. Of course, everyone's circumstances and relationship to their loved one is different and this is going to be a factor in which course of action is best. Guilt is a very poor reason to put yourself in a position you ultimately know you will both resent, and regret. I read some of the loving posts of those of you who are grieving and/or mourning the loss of a much loved person as they once were (while still alive) or have already passed and it is very moving to hear this. But, not everyone is in that situation so the real determiner of what is best in each individual set of circumstances has to be based on this personal relationship, in my opinion. This is the hardest thing we will probably ever do and my thoughts and prayers for comfort, strength and support surround you all.
Three years ago my mother moved to my home in Florida, and honestly it has not been fun. She insisted that she needed to come live with me, she thought I needed her - and now the story has changed she tells anyone that will listen that I dragged her away from her home and friends.
Never mind that she is incapable of living alone now, and I was not going to give up my home and family to move back with her. So she does need to be here, but not for the reasons she thinks.
If you really want to do this, spend time learning how to deal with a person with dementia, I recommend all Teepa Snow videos on line. It has taken me almost 3 years to learn to just "let it go" when talking with my mother, but trust me, it was not easy, and there were many fights.
My mother refuses to consider assisted living, I had to fight tooth and nail to get her to agree to a home companion 5 days a week while I am at work. She still argues with me about it, I change the subject.
Be prepared for the repetitive questions, the lack of short term memory, and the never ending scavenger hunts to find whatever she has misplaced. Taking time from work to take her to the never ending doctor's appointments, because she can't drive alone. Pretty much what everyone else has stated.
It will suck the life out of you. I'm being honest.
And yet, at the time it happened, I didn't have any other choice. If I had told her she could not come here because I didn't need the help, she would be in a bad place alone with her even older friends trying to help, and it is not their responsibility.
Rock and a hard place for me. So here she is. But I am going to do some shopping and get on some waiting lists for memory care because there will come a time when it will be more than I can handle.
Hi Carol803, I'm sure this is very confusing and hard to know what is the right thing to do. My sister and I take care of my mom who was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago. She is 84 and a very stubborn women it's her way or no way. At one time I was willing to take her home with me to live but after being around dementia I've decided not to. It's hard enough when she stays over for only 2 days, not because of the care she needs but the constant, constant, constant "I want to go home, please take me home, I need to pay my bills, I need my pills", over and over. Then having to attend to my home needs and at the same time try to keep her busy, it just doesn't work. It's exhausting and drives me to taking headache medication and pray until I fall asleep. I feel that my mom has lived a good life and I want to do the same. Listen to those who have been there, they know better. Good luck, God Bless and let us know how things are going.
Any advice? Don't do this; you will be very sorry, indeed.
Your mom has dementia and won't know where she is, who you are, and will require much much care. Why you want to move her into your home instead of putting her in a facility is a mystery. Unless you have tons of money and a big loving family to pitch in?
NYDaughterInLaw, I think for some of us it is too late to save ourselves. Helping my parents the past seven years had aged me terribly.... I am a bundle of nerves and exhausted. Hopefully my primary doctor can get me back on the road to health but I have heard from others it can take a couple years to get over the emotional trauma. Plus I had breast cancer during that time, had no markers, my doctor said it was due to stress.
I know I will never reach the age of my parents. My Mom passed at 98 and Dad is pushing 95. Neither of them took care of their own parents because they lived too far away.
I remember telling my parents I was so very tired, and in regard to their own parents, my Dad's parents had two other sons, son's wives, and 11 grown grandchildren who all lived in town all of whom helped.... and my Mom's parents had 4 other children, their spouses, and 6 grown grandchildren who all lived in town. My parents only had me. I had no one to pass the baton to, or share the care.
To Op, if ur moving her from another state u may want to check out how that will effect Medicaid in the long run. It varies from state to state. Second, unless ur a very patient person, u may not want to take her on. Be aware that her living with you is going to change your life drastically. If she has money, I would suggest an AL. If my Mom had the money, I would have her in a nearby one. When it comes to "they took care of us". Cleaning up a small child is a lot different than an adult. I feel that what we owe our parents is that they are safe, clean and fed. That we don't forget them. Be there for their special days. Someone said that she enjoys her Mom so much better now she is in an AL/nursing facility. Thats what I want. Its hard to enjoy someone when u have to do everything for them. Making their decisions and handling their finances. My husbands parents are gone. TG I have him and he never complains. He is approaching 70 and out of my five years of retirement we've only been able to enjoy about a year. As the oldest who was the one depended on, stayed near by, and is the one always there...I think iys our time before we get too old. I want to go places with my daughters and enjoy my grandson. You never know what the next day will bring. In an AL my Mom will be taken care of. Have people she can talk to and be able to go where she wants. Because of my house set up, she can't do this here. Check out what ur area offers the elderly. You may want to consider Daycare. It saved me. Remember, bringing ur Mom into ur home effects not just u.
You deserve a lot of credit. I moved into my mother's home the last 8 years of her life. I have absolutely no regrets. Please make sure you get respite. You need time for yourself. There are services in the community. It all depends if your mother has money. If she has $2K and under, Medicare (I think?) it all depends on your mother's level of care. I did pay for help 8 hrs/day they helped with her ADL's. Involve other siblings and family members.
Reverseroles I,am so proud of you my mom just passed in May and no matter what I would never have put her in a home.My mom starting getting Urinary track infections and the doctor gave her cipro which ruined her kidneys.I,am so glad you like me coukd never sleep if I had my mom in a nursing home.These other peopke that are worried they wont have a vacation shoukd feel ashamed of themselves.I dont know how they live with themselves.Its certainly the me generation,but if our parents had felt that way where would we be.
Hi Carol, cheers to you for taking in your Mother. It may be a very long hard road, it was for me, over 8 years, but its the only way. I went thru stages with her, the sleepless nights, the wandering, the incontinence, bedridden, missing many events, etc, but I did it and now am proud. I got Mom her own twin bed with a memory foam mattress to start. I got her a 4 long drawer rubbermaid bureau in case it ever fell and kept few things in the drawers and closet. She needed things to play with, but nothing overwhelming. I cut her door in half(like Mr Ed's lol) and locked it on the outside for at night to keep her safe. Daycare helps in the beginning stages if you go with her and help her adjust, then as time goes on you'll need to add more supplies. My Mom ended up with a hospital bed, hoyer lift, transfer chair , wheelchair and we bought an old used van to take her on vacation with us. Eventually in her final 5 years,Mom didnt walk or talk, or see, but she knew she was loved and was never ever alone. hire help to relieve your stressful mornings if you can and hold your head high.My siblings never helped me, I hope they can live with that, I sure couldnt, I was alone, it was all up to me. I just lost my Mom in March. Which seemed like a never ending battle, I was at the very end of my rope and feeding her 5.5 hours a day by the spoonful, for the last 5+ years. I was ready to place her in a place that took care of nuns. little did I know she was at the end of her rope too. Good Luck, follow your heart, and get part time help with your Moms ss if you can.
Has anyone read "Bowling Alone" by Robert Putnam or "Suburban Nation" by Andres Duanay? Both books explain a little of the *why* our elders fail to thrive.
FreqFlyer - My closest relatives also walk every day, eat whole foods, drink moderate amounts of wine (and vodka), and they have social lives. That kind of living promotes healthy aging. Research also proves it but I only need my own two eyes to know that most old people in other countries are much better off than most old people are here. Unfortunately for many of us on this forum, it's too late to save our parents. But, it's not too late to save ourselves!
Durinda - I call that "sleeping with one ear open". It's funny - my husband gets up at 4:30am to go to work and I almost never hear/wake go his alarm clock. But if my disabled son so much as sneezes in his sleep - in his own room - I'm up, feet on the floor and eyes wide. The subconscious mind is an amazing thing. BTW - if Durinda is your name I wanted to say I think it's beautiful- only ever heard it once before in a movie with Holly Hunter - "Smoke gets in Your Eyes". I've loved the name ever since.
I am currently caring for my 94 year old Mom with Vascular Dementia. She is legally blind, and confined to bed now. She is on hospice. I am an only child. She came to live with me one year ago. Before that she lived in her home with me visiting her and assisting her 3 times a day at the end. This has consumed over 10 years of my life. I am married with 2 boys who are 20 and 24. My caring for her has affected all of us. We haven't taken a vacation for over 10 years. This last year has been very hard but I don't think I could do it any other way. She is now bed bound and in diapers and wakes in the middle of the night scared. I try to calm her back to sleep. She is on Hospice care now and probably won't be around too much longer. I am the type of person who couldn't live with myself not knowing if she was getting good care and would be at the care facility all of the time anyway so this way I know what is going on. I pay for help a total of 9 hours a week and hospice gives me 3. During that time I do my grocery shopping and my husband and I get a small amount of away time. The care is expensive but worth it if you can afford it. I have a baby monitor in her room and listen to her constantly so my sleep is never good. If you do this please know that it will be the hardest thing you have ever done.
NYDaughterInLaw, you brought up an excellent point. My parents were very independent up into their late 80's, early 90's. Both walked 2 miles per day around the neighborhood, come rain or shine which I believe helped them live longer. They ate fresh fruit and vegetables, lot of grains... both had a 4 oz glass of red wine at dinner. Dad drove until he was 88, and failing eyesight he had to stop. Neither had any noticeable memory issues. They both read the daily newspaper [there was a lot to read], kept up with their favorite football teams, golf, NASCAR.
My Mom passed at 98, mainly from being so stubborn and refusing to use a walker when she became a fall risk. My Dad, who is pushing 95, just this year is in senior living which he decided it was time to move there, and he's doing ok, he loves the place, but now his memory is slipping.
I have read on many threads here where people my own age [pushing 70] and a decade younger are getting memory issues, and/or not mobile. Is it from the lack of exercise? Or from added hormones in our food? Or both?
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The walk-in tubs are nice, especially if you plan to remain in the house for many years yourself, otherwise when the time comes to sell, the Realtor might suggest the tub be replaced with a regular tub, unless you already live in a 55+ community. Actually a walk-in shower is much better as everyone of all ages like those :)
Does your Mom use a walker? Are the bathrooms large enough to wheel in a walker? Are the hallways wide enough. You would need to take away all the throw rugs as walkers get hung up on those, or Mom could trip on them if she prefers to wall and furniture walk.
Doreen above is correct, falling doesn't mean a shorter life unless the fall itself becomes serious.... my Dad [94] has been falling for the past 8 years and he is still doing fine. Sometimes as one gets older, a knee will start giving out.
Any pets in the house? Life can get complicated with a person with Alzheimer's and having a pet. Our parents can trip on pets. Or a pet could become frighten by someone with memory issues. My cats use to be friendly around my parents until my parents both started to use canes... the sound of the canes on the wood floors scared the cats, so they hid :(
Frequent falls does not necessarily mean your mom has less than a year to live. My mother-in-law is 94 lives in assisted living and falls all the time (we have been getting reports of her falling for 2 years now). I am not sure how old your mother is - but many times people will take a family member in and think they only have less than a year and they live much longer.
I have seen it many, many times. My mom is 93; my mother-in-law is 94 - we never thought they would live this long. When I was touring assisted living facilities - there were residents that were over 100. No kidding.
Unless your mother has a terminal disease - she could live longer than you expect. Another friend of mine took care of her 88 year old mother with dementia for 4 years, than moved her to assisted living. Recently she was contacted by the ASF that they can no longer care for her. Her mom now lives in a nursing home. The poor woman wears diapers, cannot walk, talk or feed herself. She has no idea who her children are, its very sad.
Unfortunately people can hang on for a very long time. You said "you know it will take everything out of us" Why would you want that?
Take care
( phone only ). In fact don't count on anyone. Family's destroyed every day over this. You should listen to those who have been through it. Staying with her for a couple of months cant even compare to moving her in . Your health and mental health WILL be affected. And there are no rewards when its over. Only sad memories of the last couple of years.
We know it will take everything out of us, but also know with her frequent falling lately that we don't have much more than a year, so we not overwhelmed, just grateful we can give her a home, not an institution.
You are also tied to a schedule. I was used to being flexible with my day, whereas she did things by the clock. I am thankful my mother can do a lot for herself, yet part of having her under my roof was dietary. She was eating mostly frozen dinners, so though she fixes her own breakfast and lunch, dinner is my responsibility. With planning I can have something ready for her and keep working on a project, eating when I am finished. That doesn't always happen (more often than not) and becomes a frustration to me. The responsibility is always there - different than if you are in your separate homes: out of sight, but not out of mind, yet not as pressing as when you are living together.
Then there is the moving adjustment - she no longer has her home no matter how welcoming you try to be (I accomodated for her own bedroom and bath, brought some of her own furniture and a lot of do-dads, and she 'owns' my family room/TV), but as a mother is around to offer unsolicited advice on your housekeeping or cooking, and pushes buttons when you prefer to do things yourself -ie. quicker - then says "I can't do anything, I'm useless." You have to allow for their personal habits as much as they adapt - or not - to yours, while watching them not be as fastidious as they once were. You don't see that as clearly when not directly under your nose.
There is the stress. I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis 26 years, managed fairly well all through a divorce, raising two kids while working full-time as a Realtor. The first year after she moved in, I fell apart. I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes, and the arthritis flared more often. This past year I had to have both knees and a hip replaced. Which brings me to: you have to have a back-up person for emergencies! It took me awhile to find someone to come in mornings and check on her at lunch so I could be in the hospital. I am an only child, but my son was able to stay nights. What if I'd been in an accident and there was no one else available?
You become a 'keeper' and lose a lot of the loving relationship you may have had, simply because of the stress and responsibility, and the role reversal, no matter how hard you try to maintain that and their dignity. Cleaning spilled food, pee dribbles (so you can use the toilet without getting your sox wet), rewashing the dishes or finding dirty ones put back in the cabinets wear you and the relationship down. That and the relentless repetetive statements/questions, and many times rude comments about you or your kids. In the beginning we enjoyed each other's company, played cards or other games. It became too much togetherness and has become rare, which makes me feel so guilty!
Would I do it again? Financially, this is our only solution right now, so it is hard to think beyond, but I would say yes. Both my grandmothers were put into nursing homes; my dad had two siblings and that was their choice. She had Alzheimer's and lived very nicely there for three years. My mother was an only child, too, and when Grandma was unable to stay safely in her own home, Mother put her in a decent nursing home where she passed away in jyst a couple months. It is not just us 'younger' generations deciding to put our elders into nursing homes. Every situation and family dynamic is different, so no judgement should be made for the decisions made. Each person must weigh what is best for them after doing a lot of research. This site is a lifesaver!
Never mind that she is incapable of living alone now, and I was not going to give up my home and family to move back with her. So she does need to be here, but not for the reasons she thinks.
If you really want to do this, spend time learning how to deal with a person with dementia, I recommend all Teepa Snow videos on line. It has taken me almost 3 years to learn to just "let it go" when talking with my mother, but trust me, it was not easy, and there were many fights.
My mother refuses to consider assisted living, I had to fight tooth and nail to get her to agree to a home companion 5 days a week while I am at work. She still argues with me about it, I change the subject.
Be prepared for the repetitive questions, the lack of short term memory, and the never ending scavenger hunts to find whatever she has misplaced. Taking time from work to take her to the never ending doctor's appointments, because she can't drive alone. Pretty much what everyone else has stated.
It will suck the life out of you. I'm being honest.
And yet, at the time it happened, I didn't have any other choice. If I had told her she could not come here because I didn't need the help, she would be in a bad place alone with her even older friends trying to help, and it is not their responsibility.
Rock and a hard place for me. So here she is. But I am going to do some shopping and get on some waiting lists for memory care because there will come a time when it will be more than I can handle.
Good luck!
I'm sure this is very confusing and hard to know what is the right thing to do. My sister and I take care of my mom who was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago. She is 84 and a very stubborn women it's her way or no way. At one time I was willing to take her home with me to live but after being around dementia I've decided not to. It's hard enough when she stays over for only 2 days, not because of the care she needs but the constant, constant, constant "I want to go home, please take me home, I need to pay my bills, I need my pills", over and over. Then having to attend to my home needs and at the same time try to keep her busy, it just doesn't work. It's exhausting and drives me to taking headache medication and pray until I fall asleep. I feel that my mom has lived a good life and I want to do the same. Listen to those who have been there, they know better. Good luck, God Bless and let us know how things are going.
Your mom has dementia and won't know where she is, who you are, and will require much much care. Why you want to move her into your home instead of putting her in a facility is a mystery. Unless you have tons of money and a big loving family to pitch in?
My advice: Do. Not. Do. This.
I know I will never reach the age of my parents. My Mom passed at 98 and Dad is pushing 95. Neither of them took care of their own parents because they lived too far away.
I remember telling my parents I was so very tired, and in regard to their own parents, my Dad's parents had two other sons, son's wives, and 11 grown grandchildren who all lived in town all of whom helped.... and my Mom's parents had 4 other children, their spouses, and 6 grown grandchildren who all lived in town. My parents only had me. I had no one to pass the baton to, or share the care.
I just lost my Mom in March. Which seemed like a never ending battle, I was at the very end of my rope and feeding her 5.5 hours a day by the spoonful, for the last 5+ years. I was ready to place her in a place that took care of nuns. little did I know she was at the end of her rope too. Good Luck, follow your heart, and get part time help with your Moms ss if you can.
FreqFlyer - My closest relatives also walk every day, eat whole foods, drink moderate amounts of wine (and vodka), and they have social lives. That kind of living promotes healthy aging. Research also proves it but I only need my own two eyes to know that most old people in other countries are much better off than most old people are here. Unfortunately for many of us on this forum, it's too late to save our parents. But, it's not too late to save ourselves!
My Mom passed at 98, mainly from being so stubborn and refusing to use a walker when she became a fall risk. My Dad, who is pushing 95, just this year is in senior living which he decided it was time to move there, and he's doing ok, he loves the place, but now his memory is slipping.
I have read on many threads here where people my own age [pushing 70] and a decade younger are getting memory issues, and/or not mobile. Is it from the lack of exercise? Or from added hormones in our food? Or both?