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I’m visiting my mom over the holidays and things have been Good during my visit although I’m seeing small cognitive changes. She’s 94, lives on her own in her own home. She’s been thankful and calm for me doing things, telling me I’m doing so much. My typical Mum. Anyway we had a holiday dinner yesterday with my brother and his family. Seemed to be going OK although Mum was a bit withdrawn. (She can’t hear well). Anyway we both go to bed and she gets up extremely early this morning and sends me a text message saying I want to talk to you now, that she’s been up all night because of “this family.”So I get up and she is ranting about financial issues and one family member having POA over her that she didn’t know and on and on. When I tried to explain to her I can get these things taken care of she just lashed out at me. Telling me how ungrateful I am for her trying to protect me and so on. Nothing I said seem to get to her she just kept arguing and seeing things in the negative and she wanted things done NOW. Freaking 7 o’clock in the morning. I tried to tell her things are closed now. She would not except that. It really upset me and I walked away with her saying, “that’s what you do, give up.” (???) anyway, this sincerely felt like some kind of manic outbursts I don’t know where from. No sleep? Obsessive thinking? I’ve been here almost 2 weeks and this is the first time it’s come up. I'm isolating myself right now because I don’t know what to do or how to handle this. I fly home in a few days. Any advice?? TIA!

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I noticed a post from 2015. A husband is mentioned. Did he pass away.

I would say there is more here than exhaustion from the holidays. This is paranoia. Yes, UTIs can cause this and she needs to see a Dr. now. If u can't get her in take her to ER. If you get her there, ask if the attending doctor can run other tests. Low Potassium can cause problems. Thyroid can cause problems. B12 maybe needed. If its her Dr, get him to run tests.

If the tests come back everything is OK, next thing is a neurologist to check to see if a Dementia is involved. The first thing to go is the ability to reason. Your Mom probably had a dream and cannot distinguish it from reality. The stress of the holidays may not have helped but there was something wrong before the holidays.
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seaweede Dec 2019
Hi JoAnne. Yes he did pass away this past summer which was the last time I was here. Of course she was overstressed at that time so I didn’t really notice anything I couldnt chalk up to her losing her husband. I just came back from a long walk and I had that exact notion that she may have had a dream (!) although she said she was up all night. Up til now, she’s been pretty mentally stable and for the most part she’s awesome for her age. I’m concerned though, the loss of her husband has initiated the beginning of a decline. I agree she needs to be evaluated by either a neuro or geriatric specialist. I’ll see what I can do. I think she has a doc appt soon. I’ll call and find out before I go and requests these tests. Ugh! It’s awful being so far away!
Many thanks so much for your help and ideas-they really do help!
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I'm not sure you can attribute your 94 year old mother's outburst to 'the holidays' or to anything but that something is wrong with her, cognitively. If she is speaking nonsense, something is wrong. Yes, she may have a UTI which does bring kooky behavior along with it. But so does dementia.......being up all night, talking gibberish, making no sense, OCD behaviors, being argumentative.........those are all symptoms of dementia and something you really DO need to know, in my opinion. At 94 years old and living alone in her home, you need to know if she requires in-home help at this point, or what's happening to her cognitively and/or physically. Who DOES have POA? Can that person get your mother to her doctor for a check up, especially for the possibility of a UTI?
Or, better yet, if you can arrange an appointment before you leave to fly home and go along with her to express your concerns to her doctor.

Best of luck!!!
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seaweede Dec 2019
Hi Lealonnie, thanks for taking time to be,p!. She’s ALWAYS been a night owl so that really doesn’t surprise me, the urgency this morning is what did. It’s like she’s got half of it right and the other half I’m trying to figure out. In HER mind it probably makes sense. When I’m not here, the neighbor comes over every day to check on her clean her house and make sure she’s eating. She also takes her to all her appointments. She really is a godsend! I have POA and my brother has medical POA. I will do my best to get her to the doc-they’re closed til Monday and I leave on Tuesday. :( I appreciate you knowledge regarding this!
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IF it isn't a UTI it is probably just the holidays, having you there. And heaven knows what she is churning around in there, but truth is you don't need to know. Soon time to go home? I always find real life so much more preferrable to holidays. She is being unreasonable. That isn't something you can FIX and walking away is in fact the gentle and correct response. If it continues do suggest a check for the UTI thing. I myself suspect this is more about holiday angst. I myself want to bite the heads off anything that moves.
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seaweede Dec 2019
I suspect this is definitely a toss in her routine-holidays and people...which may contribute. The UTI...she has no PHYSICAL symptoms, could she still have one?
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Take your mother to her doctor and have her checks for a urinary tract infection. The behaviors you’re seeing can be cause by this.
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seaweede Dec 2019
I will do that. She doesn’t seem to be showing any physical symptoms but I will talk to him about it. Thanks!
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First...
Things can get very stressful over the holidays (or holidaze) if that is the case then...
She could be exhausted, having a guest in her home for several days or weeks can put added stress on someone.
Being with a lot of family all at one time with a lot of noise, conversation that she may not feel a part of can be stressful.
Hearing bits and parts of conversations about financial things that may or may not concern her can be stressful.
The thought that in a few days things will go back to "normal" and she will not have company could cause her a bit of depression as well as stress.
The thought that she might be forgetting things or the though that she might need help can be stressful as is the denying that she needs the help.
And if she has friends that have "problem" kids she may be projecting that and fearful that something like that might happen to her as well.
All that aside...
Have you noticed declines that would cause you worry? Have you noticed things when you talk to her the past month, past year that would cause you to worry? If not this all might be related to stress.
If you have noticed things that cause you concern it might be a good idea to make another trip at a less stressful time and accompany her to her doctors visit and discuss your concerns then. If you can send a message to her doctor in advance. (This will only work if you are listed as someone that they can give information to on the HIPAA forms, if you are not listed they can give you NO information. So if you are not listed it might be good to have either you or your brother listed so you can obtain information)
For now...I would wait until things calm down. If she goes on ask her if this can be discussed later when you get back from a walk, or back from the store, or out of the shower..then go for a walk, go to the store, go take a nice long shower....
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seaweede Dec 2019
Thank you so much (!) and yes, it definitely could be all of these things. It just seemed to have come out of the blue which was what was so freaky to me. Especially the need to have it taken care of NOW. I actually spoke to my brother about this and he said nobody said anything to her. So how she got that thought in her head I have no idea. I have noticed some forgetfulness, repetition of things, some perseveration on things and somewhat out of touch. I I have a feeling much of this is caused by her inability to hear well. She misses stuff and I think makes assumptions from that.
Unfortunately I live on the other side of the country and only get to head out to see her twice a year for a couple of weeks. She does have a caregiver/neighbor which keeps in touch about somethings but I don’t think my mum shows her true self to her. Her doctor se ms to think she would benefit from assisted living but at this time, she won’t even consider. Thanks again for the great insight and answering me back.
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