My dad is a stubborn, aging, covert narcissist. He currently has trouble replacing his hearing aid batteries and will not allow anyone to help him with this task. Recently, he has lost his ability to speak. I’m thinking it’s more “use it or lose it.” All my life, my dad was silent. He never talked much. I told his AL facility and his doctor. No response from either. My dad is refusing to put batteries in his hearing aids and has dyslexia so doesn’t like to write. He’s on no medication and has early dementia and up until recently could communicate very well. I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this and what actions if any were taken? I got him throat lozenges but I haven’t seen him since last week. Is this a sign of dying? He eats periodically and drinks water regularly. He also has a daily protein shake. He’s on no medication and other than hearing loss, slight dementia and now, no voice, he is relatively healthy. He has a walker because he falls a lot. He’s all skin and bones, nearly skeletal. His very existence is awful. He just sits and sleeps all day and periodically eats in the dining room. He is unable to do any reading or sudoku puzzles anymore. He can’t hear and can’t talk-now what?
Met many stroke survivors with aphasia (usually left side of brain stroke). Sadly, sometimes it is their new normal, but sometimes speech is recovered.
A friend's Mother suffered this type of stroke. Later after recovering speech she described hearing a phone ring. She had no words to describe what it was. Could not talk or ask for anything. After some days, a phone rung somewhere & she exlaimed "Hello!" Then speech slowly returned.
I wouldn't be surprised at age 97 that some small TIA's (mini strokes) are happening. Things are wearing out 🙁
Kind thoughts to you & your Father.
His dignity and sense of self , independence is challenged more now. Do all that you can to simply " be present", love and honor him and encourage others to also.
Maybe consider taking some photos from past ( like from his childhood forward) to look at together....he might engage and actually enjoy this type of " life review". If he loses interest, accept it and , revisit it again the next time you see him.
Don't beat yourself up ....
Take care of yourself...
Love yourself and your Dad....
or stubborn they are. Sending prayers as you and your Dad go through this transition. It’s not easy.
Why Do I Suddenly Have Trouble Speaking?
"Extreme fatigue, anxiety or stress can cause speech problems. Also, painful migraines can partially incapacitate you, cause dizziness, numbness, or confusion, and restrict your ability to talk. . . . . However, there are more serious health conditions that cause speech disorders. People who have had a stroke often have slurred speech or are unable to talk at all. Multiple sclerosis and brain cancer are further possible causes of communication problems."
There may be psychological reasons or these as stated above. i.e.,I prsume if the stress lessens, the speech may come back. I do not have personal experience in this area. If it were me, I would focus on gentle touch (hand massage), if accepted, shoulder, neck massage. In other words, focus on the non-verbal.
AND
Why do elderly lose their speech?
Normal aging causes many changes to occur that can affect speech. As we age, our muscles become weaker, and this includes muscles in the throat and jaw. Along with this, there can be glandular and tissue changes. All of these factors combined can change our speech processes as we age.
AND
Understand the cause. Rarely do individuals stop talking for no reason. If your elderly relative loses the ability to speak, your first objective is likely to be to determine why. One or more of the following may be the culprit:
Brain injury.
Stroke.
Alzheimer’s disease.
Parkinson’s disease
Infection.
Dehydration.
Dementia
If your loved one’s communication impairment comes from a treatable condition, you may be able to restore his or her speech by pursuing the correct diagnosis and treatment. You should watch for signs of nursing home abuseand neglect, however, as his or her sudden and unexplainable silence may be due to mistreatment. Try other communication techniques
Once you rule out both treatable conditions and nursing home abuse, you must look for other ways to communicate. Hopefully, your loved one has not lost his or her ability to hear. If he or she has not, you may be able to communicate verbally.
Touch therapy can also be extremely useful. With this approach, you tell your loved one you are going to touch his or her arms, shoulders, back or legs. Then, you look for signs of receptiveness to your touching. These may include changes in breathing, facial expressions or movements.
Listening to music with your loved one and reading books to him or her also help you to maintain verbal contact. Ultimately, though, anything you do to connect with your elderly relative is apt to make a difference.
I hope some of this helps.
Gena / Touch Matters
Please make a doctor's appointment to evaluate his overall health and make an appointment with a Geriatric Psychiatrist who can evaluate, educate and medicate. Is Dad playing mind games with you to elevate the "tug-o-war" or, is he in such decline that the end is very close and he wants to be left alone at this point?
Either way, he's doing it "his way."
If that cannot take place, or does not fix it he may need an exam for other reasons.
Try to replace the batteries without him knowing. Or hey, I have some extra batteries, showing them. I am happy to update your hearing aids. Or say they are updating everyone's hearing aid batteries. Isn't that great? And replace his. Usually they just fon't want to be a trouble.
If this communication is now a permanent thing until he passes through, like because of a serious ibfection that is not curable, you will have to read subtle body cues. Like if he may be cold, for instance, or in pain. Plus using what you know about him, line certain aches, or is he normally cold. Talk with him pleasantly and gently. Wait for answers, if there are any at all. Communicate closer to him. Give him soft things to hold, read to him. Whatever he may have enjoyed when he could communicate. God bless!!
Chatting online with his pal, so sweet.
Best of luck and I'm sorry you're both going through such a difficult situation.
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My suspicion is that the damage done to his brain from both the Alzheimer's and suspected Vascular dementia effected his communication.
He was never much of a talker anyway. As the dementia progressed he talked less and less. I figured at first it was because he did not want to talk fearing that he would make a mistake or that people would think there was something "wrong"
Whatever the cause/reason I learned to deal with it.
I learned to anticipate what he would want. He was easy going and because of the dementia I eliminated choices when it cam to what he would want for a meal he would just eat what I made. Then again he always did that anyway.
He still liked to hold hands, he still watched the ball games. He did make noises. The noise would increase in volume the more excited he got or if I was on the phone he sometimes got louder either he wanted to participate or he wanted my attention.
Caregivers always commented that he knew when I got home because as soon as he heard the garage door open his noise level would increase.
You have to be a bit more intuitive and pay more attention...he will communicate in his own way. You just have to learn his language.
In the absence of anything treatable, I would consider having a consult with hospice.
Speech/language/hearing/emotional/cognitive issues are sometimes multilayered, and even at 97, there can be issues that can be modified or otherwise addressed that can increase the client’s comfort level and function.
If you proceed, be sure he’s seen by someone trained and/or thoroughly familiar with geriatric clients.
Good luck with getting some help for him.