My mother (55yo) had open heart surgery to replace her mitral valve which had ruptured with an artificial valve. A couple of months ago she suffered a massive stroke which has left her bedridden, unable to speak or move on either side, and recently had to have a tube put in her stomach because she aspirates anything she attempts to swallow.
Doctors dont have much hope for recovery and expect her to live for 4-6 months at most. Because her case is very complicated, they suggested we admit her to palliative care/hospital. My grandmother (her mother), on the other hand, who only reached out to me a couple of weeks ago, is refusing this option and insists on admitting her somewhere where she can recover, even though the majority of recovery centers in our country refuse to admit her because her case is too complex. I am at a loss of what to do and my grandmother threatened a lawsuit if i go with dr’s suggestions. (Note, we are not in the US)
i am desperate on what to do… what would you do in my situation? I have nobody to talk to
Who has more say in a parent's care in ur country, the adult child or the parents mother? I would have a doctor talk to grandmom. I would also tell her if she insists that Mom get care to make her better, then grandmom foots the bill.
Good luck and seek therapy for yourself if you feel you need it. I wish your grandmother were more supportive of you at this difficult time.
Hugs to you.
(tynagh, 8/23/23)
I am so sorry. I think you would more recognize what your Mom wants and that the doctor would agree with you and do all he can to help. If however your Mom has her own mom as her MPOA then she will be making the decisions. I doubt they will make a lot of difference no matter what she does.
Again, this is tragic and I am so sorry.
My late husband had a massive stroke at the age of 48 which left him paralyzed on his right side, unable to walk, talk, read and write, and he too needed a feeding tube initially until he could once again swallow on his own.
Once he was out of the woods so to speak, they immediately had him start his many therapies so he could try and regain some of what he lost. And because of his young age(and your mother's too) they felt he would regain at least some of it. He did relearn how to walk with a brace on his right leg, and learned how to dress himself and eat left handed as he was a right handed person. Plus his speech came back to where he could say short sentences, however he never could read or write again.
He lived to be 72 years old.
So my point with all that is to say--do you think the hospital where your mother is is doing absolutely everything in their power to help your mother get better, or have they just given up on her?
And if they haven't started any therapies why not? I personally feel that your mother is just way too young to throw in the towel at this point, and that she deserves a fair shot of getting better and getting the help she needs.
I wish you all well in deciding what is best for your mother.
God bless you.
At issue:
How is the facility being paid for?
Are there even any that will accept her?
Would you be willing to give one of these places a try for a set time frame in order to compromise with your grandmother?