My Dad's recovery is miraculous. However, he failed the Fit to Drive test with next step 'behind the wheel' test with DMV. This was in NJ. Fast forward, move to Florida. He wants to get his FL license and not tell them he failed the test in NJ and not take the behind the wheel test. I have tried to reason with him about safety, etc. He need to establish residency to get his FL license - 6 months... so I've got a little time. Any ideas on how to persuade him to do what's right. He is doing so much better now, he might pass the behind the wheel test. I am not comfortable with him driving without passing that test.
You have time as you say - good. A lot can happen in 6 months. Dad may get used to Taxi/Uber/Senior bus & adjust well to not driving. Especially if living in a senior friendly area - many will be similar. So wait & see.
Your profile mentions your Mother has Vascular Dementia - so you know about that. Be aware the risk of VD is increased with stroke. Memory can be good - but it can sneak up in other areas like planning, judgement & spacial awareness (& you need all those for driving).
Is it IL or AL he is moving to?
If your Dad doesn’t have a valid license to hand over, wouldn’t he have to take a test in FL?
Tell him not to ruin his chances of resuming his normal life by going too fast too soon. If he does things by the book then God willing he'll be back on the road, legal, and above all safe for himself and others.
Aside from the obvious "you might kill a child" argument, Dad could lose everything in one good injury or wrongful death lawsuit. (So could you with him on your insurance.) Plus, if your insurance company finds out you've deceived them in any way, they won't cover you and will cancel your policy.
In short, it's your duty to inform Florida that Dad needs to be thoroughly tested before any license is issued, and his doctor should also be notified and asked to OK his driving (or not).
I can't believe he failed and they would reissue him a valid license.
I think Fla would be strict about seniors and driving. I think my MIL had to have her eyes checked every so often when she lived in Fla.
Sounds like he is in FL and wants to take advantage of the ignorance of the FL DMV about what happened in NJ. Not knowing the whole story, FL just might be fooled - I don't know their requirements about age and behind the wheel test. But under the circumstances the OP described I believe she should by all means prevent dad from being licensed to drive.
A friend had this kind of situation with her MIL. MIL had unexplained unconsciousness but was treated in NV - she lived across the state border in CA. This would be required to be reported to the CA DMV who would pull her license, But the NV docs did not bother to report to CA so my friend was faced with a nightmare battle to get a very dangerous driver off the road. She did manage to do it before anyone was killed. There are all kinds of reporting "holes" in the system.
You've gotten great advice from others about NOT allowing your father to get a FL license and to take him OFF your insurance.
I hope you didn't give up a job to be the fulltime caregiver for your parents!
--If you've established care, have his provider pull the license and tell him 'no more'. If he hasn't established care in FL, now's the time to do it and slip a note to the provider outlining your concerns before the visit starts.
--If no luck there, yes, report him to the DMV. Does the DMV website have anything to offer about something like this? It can't be that uncommon...
I had to report my elderly aunt who is a FL resident. I had her driver's license number and other info. I reported it online (anonymously) and wrote a letter with specific info outlining why she should no longer be driving. In her case she was sent a letter to appear at the DMV to retake tests. My idiot cousin drove her to the appointment. When she failed the eye exam right off the bat they asked her how she got there, and said her nephew drove her. They did not re-issue her license and to this day she and her co-pilot sister do not know who reported her...and they are still angry about it! My aunt not only had double-vision, but triple vision!
In another instance, my elderly uncle (93) was driving himself and his cancer-survivor wife in the late afternoon and he went through a red light and was t-boned, which killed his wife and dog. Luckily the victims in the other car were not seriously hurt. His children could have reported him prior or removed his car but were cowards.
You are in the moral and ethical position of knowingly allowing an impaired person to drive and you are in the best position to prevent him. Please do it. Remove his car so he won't be tempted to drive it. Don't tell him this is what you plan to do or when you will do it, it will just cause more drama than necessary. Remove the car and tell him it's in the shop for large, expensive repairs. Tell him whatever "therapeutic fib" is necessary to keep the peace as long as possible.
You can cover over the loss by arranging rides for them through services or friends, neighbors, relatives or hiring a companion aid from an agency. Please do the right thing, even though it will feel hard. You having to face the family of someone he hurt, maimed or killed would be way harder.
Give your Dad your own driving test in a big empty parking lot somewhere.
Maybe his recovery is miraculous! Driving is a memory skill like riding a bicycle, however more detailed and nuanced. That means if all those functions work, and he was a good driver before, and all those necessary brain functions are healed and can be demonstrated to function, then maybe he can drive better than most of the yayhoos doing stupid stuff on the road. We shoot for perfection when driving, but the grace of God keeps us alive, because no one is a perfect driver though many are close too.
He wants to drive. Maybe he has asked himself the same questions about is it safe? Safety is ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT, but so is it also important to not throw someone on the "Done" heap. We could all take a moment and put ourselves in the position of the person with the challenge(s). That's really what I'm saying. Of course don't lie. Maybe you don't have that option anyway.
You've got a little time. You don't have to decide today.
Prayer for you and your Dad.
I agree with the others - until he gets his license the hard way take him off your insurance.
It's hard to give up driving for some - a loss of independence and another blow to their self esteem. You've got some time to work with him about driving. After the time is up see where things stand. Let him know its not him you're worried about (you know he is a safe drive); its about the other drivers that you are worried about (even if the statement isn't exactly true).
Good Luck.
Please make sure you stop your dad’s driving days before tragedy occurs. So many of us have gone through the identical situation and have sympathy, but don’t forget, no matter how well your dad improves from his stroke right now, the harsh truth is that you can’t stop his downward trajectory due to aging.
At some point dad’s driving will get worse and worse, and if you haven’t already stopped his driving, an accident will destroy your life as the insured. As MJ1929 pointed out, if there’s an accident and your insurance company realizes you deceived them as to your dad’s driving ability, they won’t cover an accident. The injured party or bereaved relatives will come after you monetarily, and almost assuredly win. Your personal life and future earnings are way more important than your dad’s unhappiness at not being able to drive himself.
I know every case is different but maybe you should give him a second chance especially as you say he is making such a good recovery. Hope he continues to improve.
You might also tell him that getting insurance without passing a test (after failing one) won't be possible. He has to pass the driving test and has to have insurance to drive.