He's spending my mom's life insurance money on them and I'm so beyond pissed about it! Is this normal for a 70 yo dad to act like this? He never asks about his grandkids and only calls me when he wants me to do something (numerous times daily). I try to be patient but I've had all I can take. I feel like I am going crazy!
My FIL was having an affair while my MIL was in the hospital dying with cancer. He did the same thing. He spent a ton of money on this woman. He moved her into his home two weeks after his wife died.
So, I am not surprised by your dad’s behavior. It’s sad, of course. I feel badly for you.
If you’re sick of helping him, tell him no. I love Pam’s answer. Tell him to call them to help!
Wishing you all the best.
Next time he calls for something say "Oh, Dad, so busy. Can't possibly do that. Give the Niece a call, hon. Love you. Talk tomorrow."
You need to know that whatever you are doing now isn't working and to stop doing it.
And as far as grown people being jealous. That's silly nonsense. Silly of him to do and silly of you, really to react to it.
Learn to say "Whoops, hon. Gotta run. LOVE you, Dad. Talk tomorrow". Then turn that phone off for a few hours. There was a time you know, MY TIME, when we were actually out of touch of that phone for HOURS at a time. I mean people died, got struck by lightening, bombs dropped, and we didn't hear it till we got home. Didn't make a particle of difference to anything, but for hours at a time we were FREE.
So, training time for dear old dad. Stick to it for a few months and I guarantee things will be better.
Your father lives in a nursing home, per your profile, so I assume he's in poor health? Some dementia going on too? How do you know he's spending moms life insurance policy on your aunt and cousin?
He's only 70 yet in a NH, so he must have some early onset cognitive problems (or profound physical/health issues). If it's cognitive, please understand that he may be losing his judgment and ability to empathize, which are both part of dementia.
If you're upset that you're doing a lot for him but receiving nothing in return (and I am including affection and gratitude), then I understand. I don't understand the non-blood comment (this is tribalism).
Are you worried he's going to run out of money for his care? Worried that he's spending your inheritance? I doubt he is intentionally doing things to push your buttons. Please know that you are under no obligation to jump when he calls you for help.
If you aren't his FPoA, then fretting about him spending his own money will definitely sour things in your family relationships.
It’s not uncommon for the person who has POA and the responsibilities to be treated like cr4p . My FIL did the same thing . My hubby and I were only his errand people. Yet he loved other ( step ) family members since they listened to his complaints and agreed with him . This happens whether it’s blood or not . It also happened with my mother and my ( blood) siblings who would agree with Moms complaints on the phone.
I’m sorry you are going through this . But if you are having to be his parent , he’s an unhappy toddler and he’s blaming you . You can limit your visits, have things delivered. You can drop off things at the nurse and ask the nurse to bring the things to his room .
If you are not POA step back , let him call the others. If you are POA you can give it up by going to a lawyer .