My 75-year-old mother is able to live on her own, but she's become hateful and paranoid. She thinks people are stealing from her--even when there is proof that it did not happen. She accused me of stealing picture frames from her house even thought I had bought them from Target and had the receipt! She thinks others also steal from her--threatens to kill them or burn down thier house. Insists police invesigate and gets upset when nothing is done. No one has taken anyhting from her. What action can be taken to ensure her safety and those around her?
Everyday she accuses him of stealing jewelry, clothing and other things. If she finds the missing items she says he put them back. She has 2 locks on her door but says he is picking them. She tells him she hates him and wants him dead. She is causing him to have severe depression and gets upset if I don't take up for her. She is going to move to an independent living facility. She seems fine when she goes to the doctor so not much help there. Could she be starting dementia even tho so sane at times?
Paranoia is part of aging for some.... I need to reassure my Mother that nothing is stolen almost everyday. It's part of the routine... LOL!
Do you or someone in your family have a POA for her? This can be a springing POA, which goes into effect in the event of her incapacitation - can be helpful in managing bills and such, but in all honesty, I've found that it is largely ineffective when attempting anything else. For instance, it will not allow you to "force" your aunt to see a doctor, and can be revoked at any time (in absense of proof to the contrary), as long as your aunt is "of sound mind." But it does help to have some of these questions answered in advance. You may wish to talk to your Great Aunt about a Medical POA - which will allow you to follow her wishes in the event of a medical emergency. Be very sure what type of POA you want - there are four different types:
Power of Attorney - regular POA becomes void when the person becomes incompetent.
Springing POA - only goes into effect once the person is incapacitated.
Durable POA - can be made effective immediately, and once the person is "incompetent," cannot be changed (stays in force).
Medical POA - only deals with Advance Directive(s) and authorizes a specific individual to make medical decisions for the person.
All POAs must be signed with two witnesses, or notarized - you can go through an attorney, or get a reasonable and legally valid one from RocketLawyer.com.
~FyreFly
If this were my aunt, I'd try to encourage her to sign the Durable Power of Attorney (just in case), and then get a list of people whom I could count on to check up on her routinely - a neighbor, someone from the church, or if she qualifies, in-home support services available through social services (Medicaid), and keep their phone numbers handy.
After speaking to my attorney and other counsellors, I was told that I could not step in (even with a POA) until my Mom suffered a "crisis-event" (i.e. a medical emergency requiring immediate intervention). Then, you can request a conservatorship, which makes you responsible for the well-being of the person - you must report all expenditures to the courts, and submit medical/housing requests through the court examiner.
You might be able to convince your aunt to allow someone to live in? A person who gets paid, or who receives free room and board in order to take care of your aunt? Her paranoia may prevent her from accepting someone she is unfamiliar with. Is there a family member you trust who could stay with her? Perhaps if she thought they needed her help?
Not sure what else you could do, being where you are. God bless you.
~FyreFly
my counselor thinks she has borderline personality disorder, and is delusional, and may have some dementia. like you said, she MUST be evaluated professionally.
Do you go visit? Can you plan on spending some time with her - a week or so? If the answer is yes, here's what you can do ...
1. Contact the local Alzheimer's Assoc. or Alliance on Aging for her area. Ask to speak to someone about how to get your mom to the doctor. What they advised me to do is tell her that you have an appointment, and you would like her to go with you. Encourage her to go for another reason ... thyroid, routine mammagram, high blood pressure, anything you can think of.
2. Another option is a doctor who makes house calls. Ask the Alliance on Aging - they can often recommend someone. If you can discuss the situation with the doctor, and make arrangements to have him come "visit" while you are there - they are trained to recognize and deal with dementia type symptoms.
Someone advised me to call my state elder-care representative, which is how I got all this information. Try searching it on Google - see what comes up. Hope this helps.
~FyreFly
So predictably, now I am the enemy and I have someone bad-mouthing me everywhere to anyone who will listen (yes, she's still driving). We had estate planning done before she began directing all her venom at me, but recently she has been moving her money around, so I don't know which banks it's in and her accounts are no longer in the name of the trust, so I can't control the assets even if I could figure out a way to gain control other than custodianship. Does anyone here have experience with the Baker Act procedure? I'd love to get her assigned somewhere appropriate. She will never cooperate with meds- she's always believed she is smarter than everyone else and is contemptuous of other opinions.
My grandmother was 90, living alone in her tiny coastal town where she'd lived her entire life. Refused to move! She had always been "colorful", independent & very capable. The orignial organic gardener, canner, salmon smoker, etc..
Could shoot a skunk off her back fence from 50 yards.
As she aged, became frail & ditzy, we arranged for Meals on Wheels to be delivered daily from a neighboring town. It was working out nicely for several months ... until a substitute driver arrived one afternoon.
BAM! Tiny little Grammy was on the porch aiming her 22 rifle at the poor guy! Sheriff's deputies arrived & were able to calm her down. Her husband, my grandfather, had been sheriff of the county for 20 years so she was familiar with the uniform & they her..
Still didn't stop her from kicking up a horrible fuss! It took tow large guys to place her in the back of the patrol car. I don't know how she did it since rear doorhandles of police vehicles are usually disable to prevent prisoners from escaping, yet she menaged to scramble out! Maybe she hopped over the front seat when the deps thought she'd settled down.
Story was they had to chase her down in her large garden, finally locating her hiding in the garden shed. When I closed down her house weeks after the incident, I found several other weapons in that shed. She must have tired out ...
Taking all 90 pounds of that small firey lady into custody became another family legend in that small community.
Our situation turned out all right after the initial scare. (20 years ago) She spent a couple weeks in the state mental institution & ended up in a large adult family home. She felt it was an extension of the boarding school she'd attended as a child so the scroungy place worked out fine.
Recently the owners were busted for embezzlement. Another story, but do check any privately owned group home before placing a parent.
Carol
I don't know how to help you get her to a doctor - perhaps you can set up an appointment and tell her it is a routine checkup? Do you normally drive her to doctor appointments? Can the threats of violence and accusations be documented? If so, you might be able to request a 51/50 - psychiatric evaluation - she would be held for 72 hours. It would be best if this did not appear to come from you, as she will then not accept any help from you! Can you contact Adult Protective Services in your area?
Do you have a DPOA yet? Either you or one of your family members should see if she'd be willing to sign it, just "in case" something happened to her. Once she's declared incompetent, she cannot sign it - then you would be forced to seek a conservatorship in order to help her.
~FyreFly
If this behavior came on suddenly, she may have an infection, she could be having a medication reaction or an interaction - any number of things. She really needs to see a doctor and then you can let the doctor know about her behavior. She could do herself or someone else damage (which you have already figured out).
Good luck. This is tough,
Carol